Pages: 1 |
| Cat People, c'mere... (Read 358 times) |
| view log Runs With Snowplows |
posted: 9/28/2007 at 5:00 PM |
Dear Cats:
The dishes on the floor are yours and contain your
food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing your paw, nose or tongue in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim
for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find
that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.
I will not buy a bigger bed. Do not think I will
sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Cats can
actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is
not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other,
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also
know that sticking tails and legs straight out is
nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from
the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there,
and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, meow, or get your paw under the edge
and try to pull the door open. I must exit through
the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the
bathroom for years -- feline attendance is not
required.
To pacify you, my dear cats, I will post the
following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don' t want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it
"fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most
people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an
adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on
all fours and doesn't speak English.
Remember: In many ways, cats are better than kids
because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money
3. Are easier to train
4. Sometimes come when called
5. Never ask to borrow the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Will never tell you they hate you
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college
And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their
children.
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Kirsten
• Ladies Locker Room •
.: 2008 Goals :.
• Run 1500 miles
• October 5 - 1st marathon - Milwaukee Lakefront - in my home state of WI
• PRs: 5k ~ 15k ~ 25k
• 1st trail race |
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| view log Blaine Moore |
posted: 9/28/2007 at 7:16 PM |
| Quote from zoom-zoom on 9/28/2007 at 5:00 PM:
Remember: In many ways, cats are better than kids
because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money
3. Are easier to train
4. Sometimes come when called
5. Never ask to borrow the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Will never tell you they hate you
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college
And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their
children.
Actually, not all of those are true...
Cats do eat less, but most also throw up more after the first year or two than most kids.
My brother's cat didn't hang out with drug using friends, but she was a druggie herself. And my cat had a lot of friends, especially before I had her spade, that would come to the back window and try to break into the house. My cat does everything she can to get various bugs and rodents into the house to play with her, and they sort of count as friends. They don't do drugs though.
For the no smoking bit, see what I just wrote about my brother's cat...
The cat will never tell you that they hate you, but they'll never hate you. Instead, they'll just claw or bite you and then be your best friend again after they forgive you.
And as for not wanting to wear clothes, have you ever had a cat? I've had quite a few of them, and my cat spends as much time in the closet as she can, considers anything laid out the bed fair game to make a bed out of, will curl up in the sock drawer on a moments notice, and can frequently be spotted when her nose sticks out of the sleeve on a shirt or the leg of some pants!
If your cat get pregnant, selling the kittens has been the least of your worries. I was going to breed my cat, but 4 months of her going into heat was enough to decide she was going to get fixed... |
Run to Win
I just started using Twitter - anybody else on there? http://twitter.com/RunToWin
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| view log |
posted: 9/28/2007 at 8:07 PM |
Broccoli dog has the following to say about cats ....
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| How To Run a Marathon: Step 1 - start running. There is no Step 2. |
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| view log Mmmm...Bacon |
posted: 9/30/2007 at 12:23 AM |
| Quote from zoom-zoom on 9/28/2007 at 5:00 PM: 3. Are easier to train
Hahahahahahahahha
and also
ha
So, lets see, got this one:
-Litter box
On the other hand, not so much:
-The pissed off one attacking friends; nope
-The overly affectionet one leaving friends alone; nada
-Get your damn furry tongue out of my milk glass; negative
-Can openers can be used, regardless of contents, without inquesition; no way
-How about you stay out of that basket of clean laundry; hardly
-Let me make the bed without you getting under the fitted sheet; has not happened yet |
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| view log Runs With Snowplows |
posted: 9/30/2007 at 12:33 AM |
Ha! Adam, I still say cats are easier to train than kids. And when they misbehave we can lock them in the basement without any fear that CPS will come investigating.
k |
Kirsten
• Ladies Locker Room •
.: 2008 Goals :.
• Run 1500 miles
• October 5 - 1st marathon - Milwaukee Lakefront - in my home state of WI
• PRs: 5k ~ 15k ~ 25k
• 1st trail race |
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| view log Jazz, happy dog |
posted: 9/30/2007 at 2:11 AM
modified: 9/30/2007 at 2:11 AM |
Sorry to do this, but I just had to post this scene from "The Office" that had me ROTFL:
Angela, talking about the recent death of her cat "Sprinkles", who was being cared for by Dwight, who claimed the cat had died of natural causes:
"I had this crazy thought, that maybe Dwight killed my cat. When I got there, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer, where Dwight said he left her. But all my bags of frozen french fries had been clawed to shreds!
Something's not right"
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| Just 'cause you can, doesn't mean you should
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| view log Mmmm...Bacon |
posted: 9/30/2007 at 10:43 PM |
Your just kidding about not being allowed to lock kids in the basement aren't you?
I'm never going to be able to have them.
How about the dogs cage? I mean, yea, its a cage, but it is referred to as his "fuzzy den". |
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| view log Runs With Snowplows |
posted: 9/30/2007 at 10:53 PM |
| Quote from Seacow on 9/30/2007 at 10:43 PM: I mean, yea, its a cage, but it is referred to as his "fuzzy den".
Hmmm...that sounds like something else, entirely...
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Kirsten
• Ladies Locker Room •
.: 2008 Goals :.
• Run 1500 miles
• October 5 - 1st marathon - Milwaukee Lakefront - in my home state of WI
• PRs: 5k ~ 15k ~ 25k
• 1st trail race |
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