Official RA Joke Thread! (Read 7196 times)

    What? That's it?? Wink
    The will to win means nothing without the will to prepare. -- Juma Ikangaa, Tanzanian marathoner

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      I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Big grin

      "Nothing's better than the wind to your back, the sun in front of you, and your friends beside you." Aaron Douglas Trimble


      Needs more cowbell!

        Big grin

        I shoot pretty things! ~

        '14 Goals:

        • 2 olympic distance duathlons -- 6 days apart -- PR at least 1

        • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)


        Needs more cowbell!

          A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart jack in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say ma'am if I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The class went up in roar of laughs and jeers at the lady teacher. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I will expect you to write your exam with your other hand."

          I shoot pretty things! ~

          '14 Goals:

          • 2 olympic distance duathlons -- 6 days apart -- PR at least 1

          • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

            Two engineers (E1 & E2 for our purposes) meet for lunch one day. E1 has ridden to lunch on a brand new bike. E2 notices, and the conversation goes something like this: E2 - Wow! Nice bike! Where'd you get it? E1 - You'll never believe what happened. There I was, walking down the street one day, when this gorgeous woman rides up to me on this bike and stops. She gets off the bike, takes off all of her clothes, lays down on the grass, and said I could take whatever I wanted. So, I took the bike. E2 - Smart decision. The clothes would never have fit you.
            My Masters (>50) Race PR's: 5K - 20:17 10K - 42:36 HM - 1:31:22 Marathon - 3:20:48


            Needs more cowbell!

              Don, my hubby is a mechanical engineer AND an avid cyclist (at one point his bike cost more than our cars, combined). This is his very favorite joke! Big grin k

              I shoot pretty things! ~

              '14 Goals:

              • 2 olympic distance duathlons -- 6 days apart -- PR at least 1

              • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)


              Needs more cowbell!

                One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. and here's how it went: Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

                I shoot pretty things! ~

                '14 Goals:

                • 2 olympic distance duathlons -- 6 days apart -- PR at least 1

                • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

                  "I'd say somebody else shot the beaver."
                  For the record, I disapprove of this joke. Sure, I've been laughing about it for almost a week now, and repeated it a dozen times. But I disapprove. Strenuously. I'm frowning, but on the inside.
                  E-mail: JakeKnight2002@aol.com
                  -----------------------------

                    JK, your disapproval has been duly noted. Do you feel better now? Big grin
                    "Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?' " - Peter Maher, Irish-Canadian Olympian
                      A doctor, priest, and engineer go golfing. After a few holes, things have really slowed down. It appears the group in front of them have no idea what they are doing, and spend forever looking for their golf shots. Eventually, the course marshall comes by, and they ask what is going on. The marshall explains that the foursome in front of them are firemen. These firemen lost their eyesight fighting a terrible fire at the clubhouse awhile ago, so the country club lets them play for free whenever they want. The doctor ponders this, and says that he will look into providing free eye surgery to see if that will help them. The priest says he will offer special prayers on their behalf. The engineer simply says, "Why can't they just play at night"?
                      My Masters (>50) Race PR's: 5K - 20:17 10K - 42:36 HM - 1:31:22 Marathon - 3:20:48


                      Needs more cowbell!

                        The engineer simply says, "Why can't they just play at night"?
                        Bwah! I need to send this one to my hubby...that would totally be his reaction! Tongue k

                        I shoot pretty things! ~

                        '14 Goals:

                        • 2 olympic distance duathlons -- 6 days apart -- PR at least 1

                        • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)


                        You'll ruin your knees!

                          Last exam of finals week, an auditorium full of students feverishly work through complex equations in the waning minutes of their examination period. "15 minutes" the professor proclaims. Within the next few minutes, dozens of students finish up their work and shuffle down the stairs to the professors desk in the front of the grand classroom. "10 minutes....5 minutes..." the professor barks out, impatient to end the semester. The room continues to empty until there are only three students remaining. "Time's up", he announces and two of the three put down their pencils, pack their belongings and file out, depositing their exams on top of a stack of papers on the professor's desk. The professor looks up at the last student and says "I said time is up, you will have to stop now." The student continues working feverishly, as if nothing has been said at all. The professor is angered, stating "If you don't stop working now and turn in your paper, I will take 20 points off your final score!" scribble, scribble, scribble, was the defiant students only reaction to the professor's comments. "THAT'S IT!, YOU WILL RECEIVE A FAILING GRADE ON THE EXAM AND IN THIS CLASS!", the professor proclaims! With that, the student finished the exam, gathered his book bag, and walked down to the professor's desk, prepared to put his paper on the stack..."It's too late", the professor stated, "you just failed this class!", coldly. With little reaction, holding the exam in his hand, the student looked the professor in the eye and asked "do you even know who you are talking to?". After a long pause, the professor cried, "son, I have over 200 students in this class and I have several classes this size, what on earth makes you think that I know who YOU are?" Without hesitation, the student said "just what I thought" and shoved his exam somewhere in the middle of a stack of 200 other exams and left the auditorium! (thought that was appropriate on the eve of my youngest son's graduation from Baylor University - School of ENGINEERING!) Lynn B

                          ""...the truth that someday, you will go for your last run. But not today—today you got to run." - Matt Crownover (after Western States)


                          Needs more cowbell!

                            (thought that was appropriate on the eve of my youngest son's graduation from Baylor University - School of ENGINEERING!) Lynn B
                            Hey, congrats to him! You must be very proud! Has he already lined-up a job? Around here engineers used to be in seriously high demand, but for about the past 5 years or so there has been a terrible dearth of jobs. k

                            I shoot pretty things! ~

                            '14 Goals:

                            • 2 olympic distance duathlons -- 6 days apart -- PR at least 1

                            • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

                              Two good 'ol boys are driving down the road in their truck when they see a gas station with a sign that reads "Free Sex with Fill-up". What the heck, they think. Let's pull in and fill'er up. After doing so, the station manager apologizes about the sign and says that a fill-up only entitles them to enter the contest for free sex. No problem, they say. What's the contest? Manager says he's thinking of a number between 1 and 20. If they can guess the number, they get free sex. First good'ol boy says "11". Sorry, wrong number, says the manager. Second good'ol boy says "8". Sorry, that's wrong as well. Well, they get in their truck and start headin' down the road. After a while, the passenger says to the driver, "Ya know what? I bet the whole thing's rigged. I bet it's just a trick to get people to stop at that station and buy a tank of gas." The driver says, "No, I'm pretty sure it's real. My wife stopped in a couple of times last week, and she won both times."
                              My Masters (>50) Race PR's: 5K - 20:17 10K - 42:36 HM - 1:31:22 Marathon - 3:20:48
                              Mile Collector


                              Abs of Flabs

                                Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back.... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.
                                Someone I knew back in college told me this one... His mom got pulled over by a Maryland State Trooper for speeding. She tried to sweet talk her way out of a ticket, and commented on how nicely dressed the trooper was, and asked if he was on his way to a ball. The trooper replied, "M'am, the Maryland State Troopers don't have balls." He realized what he just said, went back to his car and drove away. His mom got out of the speeding ticket.