How to deal with a bully in your running club? (Read 487 times)

my opinion of this situation is this: you are not happy to be there as it is; therefore the chances are high you will leave, which will mean you wont have much contact with these people after that.  So why not try using some assertiveness and tell her when she starts in on her nastiness to "stop that now, you are being inappropriate"  you stop running, you put your hand in her face and you loudly and clearly tell her to stop it.  this will give her a shock and she will hopefully realise you can't be bullied, she will HATE the hand in the face, and by stopping in your tracks you give others a chance to catch up and prevent her from getting her attitude on.  there might even be some people who will witness what is going on and have your back.

its not about picking sides, its about making a comfortable environment for you both to be social in.

With all the many downsides of getting older, the upside is that our tolerance for bullshit goes down, and we get stronger about calling people on it.  So put on your big girl pants and call her on it.  you dont need to indirectly involve the other members of the club, you just need to show her you are not afraid to stand up to her.

Alternatively,  tell her that he faked it with her....

 

Kind of my thoughts.  That and why you allow some mid-20s meanie to make you her mental plaything.  You only get bullied when you give them that power over you.

Right. Having recently been in a situation where I felt a group of people routinely tried to intimidate me, realizing that in the end they had no power over me made it much more tolerable.  Eventually, I was able to see their behavior as sad and a little comical rather than hurtful.

yeah, I think there's a lot of power in just choosing not to engage with someone. Also - since a poster above suggested assertiveness - if she's a real sociopath she'll just enjoy the fact that you can be assertive til the cows come home but can't actually make her stop!

If the situation is killing you, get the hell out.

 

You give her the power when you get all riled up - ignore or leave.  It's your choice.

since she began running with the club before you came into the picture & she seems to be well liked by the other members it will be very difficult to work this out.   not impossible but very difficult.

You have talked with your boyfriend about this.  what is his reaction/thoughts?  Is he at all sensitive or understanding of your situation?  If he is & he loves you & is committed to you then maybe you & him should both leave the club or at least take a temporary break. Can you & your boyfriend  set up another day/time with  mutual  member friends to run ?  In the meantime stay strong & don't give in to her immature jealousy & bitterness.  hope it all works out.

Thanks to all for your thoughts!  I really appreciate a fresh perspective.  I disagree with the thought of leaving something we both really enjoy just to satisfy her though.  If any of you are hashers you understand that the club is more than just running.  I know that sounds ridiculous to many but its true!  My boyfriend was the one who introduced her to the club and he willingly took six months off to allow for wounds to heal.  When he told her he was coming back (without me mind you) she had the option of also taking some time off but has refused to do so.  I live in a small city so while I agree just changing clubs is the easiest solution I also think its an easy way out.  Like many of you said, dealing with difficult people is a fact of life... I wish she and I could just talk it out and for her to vocalize why she is upset. My boyfriend said she is crazy smart but clearly her age leaves something to be desired from an emotional intelligence perspective.  He recognizes that dating someone so young was a mistake!  Perhaps you guys are right-  I will look into other running options available!

Thanks again

Get creative.  When she starts the sex with your boyfriend stuff.

He told me the sex was great. When we role play he makes me use your name.

He didn't leave you because the sex was bad. It was because  -----------

PS.  I thought ALL runners get together for drinks after they ran?  I had not heard the term "Hasher" before, but apparently I have been one all along.  Running, drinking, not even always in that order.  Yup.     Well, growing up, "hasher" meant something completely different and illegal (at least in my state).  I remember a lot of High School kids with that title.  But the only 'running' hey were doing might involve a quick sprint to elude police or school administrators.... !

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HHH --  Hash House Harriers...   Most decent sized communities have an HHH group.  Look 'em up in your area...they're loads of fun.  Which is why it would be a shame for her to leave the group...to be bullied out of the group.

Also, I'd like to point out that sociopaths are often a hoot in groups (though, not in groups of sociopaths -- those are just scary).

Yeah, this chick reeks of having narcissistic personality disorder, and I have no doubt that she is passive aggressive and that most people think she is a hoot.