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Pooped your pants while running? (Read 1533 times)

TJN


S Army Kettle run...

    I've sharted on ocassion ...

    Tim 

    lilac_jive


    Jess runs for bacon

      Only two pages in and this thread already delivers.

       

      No, thankfully. I never have any issues with gas either. I guess I have a tight ass (oh snap?)

       

      www.backuprunner.net

      FlippyNoodle


      Not a dude

        not while running, no.

         

        uhhhh so that is to say that you have on other occasions??


        Thats rad

          I can't not share this thread with you guys. It might be a little gross, but hey, it's natural.

          http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=352840

           

          And my favorite story:

          “All in all, it hadn’t been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I’d last taken a dump. I’d tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to go Christmas shopping. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, “Everything Must Go!”. This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 1 through 5 for your convenience:

          1. Occupied.
          2. Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it’s next to the occupied one.
          3. Poo on seat.
          4. Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.
          5. No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.

          Clearly, it had to be Stall #2. I trudged back, entered, dropped trousers and sat down. I’m normally a fairly Shameful Shitter. I wasn’t happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.

          I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs. Shitter about the shitty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn’t get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.

          Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude — a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.

          Once my *** cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon’s continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial “herald” fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.

          “Oh my God”, I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, “No, baby, that wasn’t me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??”

          Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I’d see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride.

          Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: “Gotta go… horrible… throw up… in my mouth… not… make it… tell the kids… love them… oh God…” followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.

          Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one’s phone and wipe one’s bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.

          There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

          After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who’d be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.

          As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.

          I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it’ll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public — and I doubt he’ll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.”

           

           


          Wandering Wally

            Oh my! I laughed, I cried. I laughed and cried all at once.

            Run!  Just Run!

             

            Trail Runner Nation Podcast

            Better I Leave


              OMG!!! This thread is too funny! Had to share some of this with my wife.

              FlippyNoodle


              Not a dude

                That story is gross, but oh my god was it funny.
                Venomized


                Drink up moho's!!

                  OMG I am fuggin dieing here.  What a story!


                  Strict WTF adherent

                    Yup. Not even a good story though.


                    Imminent Catastrophe

                      I never ever go running without my emergency poopy-pack. Tissue, moist wipe and antibacterial wipe (that's for my hands, idiots). It might have been the inspiration for the phrase "saved my ass".

                      "Able to function despite imminent catastrophe"

                       "To obtain the air that angels breathe you must come to Tahoe"--Mark Twain

                      "The most common question from potential entrants is 'I do not know if I can do this' to which I usually answer, 'that's the whole point'.--Paul Charteris, Tarawera Ultramarathon RD.

                       

                      √ Tahoe Rim Trail 100M 20/21 July 2013

                      Boston Marathon 21 April 2014

                      Tahoe Rim Trail 100M 19/20 July 2014

                        I don't want to talk about it.

                        Well at least someone here is making relevance to the subject.


                        Shakedown Street

                          Great prose!

                           

                          I have stashed away this little morsel for such a day.

                           

                          Behold. And probably photoshopped.

                           

                          Started-5/12, RWOL refugee,5k-24:23 (1/12/13),10K-55:37(9/15/12),HM-1:52:59(3/24/13)

                            There have been other threads on the subject on RA, with pictures, in case they're what float your boat.  You've got to find them yourself; I'm not gonna help.

                            Well at least someone here is making relevance to the subject.

                            mab411


                            Proboscis Colossus

                              Nope.  I have literally prayed out loud - emphasis on the "loud" - to be delivered from such a fate during one particularly vicious attack of the Big D, though.

                               

                              It was super-early morning, though, so no one heard except God and the cows.  And of course the cows were all like, "What's the big deal?  Just let it go, man!"

                              "God guides us on our journey, but careful with those feet." - David Lee Roth, of all people


                              Turtle Butt

                                So, would it be best to only run in granny panties under my shorts? Can anyone else "smell" that poor guy up there? I'm so grossed out. Oh and I'm kinda new...mostly lurky.

                                2014 Goals

                                Run at least 1000 miles

                                Would LOVE a sub 30 5k (but ain't countin on it)

                                Sub 2:30 half

                                1st Marathon...oh, it's ON

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