Pages: 1 |
| Living the Amish life... (Read 467 times) |
| view log |
posted: 6/25/2006 at 7:43 PM |
For those that don't know, my husband was raised Amish, left in his late teens & now leads our "English" way of life. So, my husband's grandfather died Thursday evening & I'm spending my weekend in the Amish life. I'm not starting this thread to gain sympathy for losing a family member & I'm not trying to be insensitive either, but hear me out & cut me a little slack. I've never met this grandpa & my husband hasn't seen him in 2-3yrs because the grandpa won't speak to him. Hubby lives the "devil's life" now & the new grandma (first wife died years back, new one lovingly referred to by the entire family as "the old bitch") says we aren't welcome in his home. Personally, hubby & I like our devil life...  
Anyways, short story long, has anyone ever been to an Amish visitation and/or funeral? This is my 3rd & I'm no less disturbed than I was at the first. Here is where I'm looking for sympathy. Granted, I married him knowing the family, but again, cut me a little slack...I've had to pee in an outhouse repeatedly for the last two days!! Not to mention, I certainly don't look the part, so I get alot of stares. I had to search for something in my little black wardrobe that still stretched over my rear & could pass for super conservative. Come on, it's supposed to be "little black dress", not "frumpy old lady" right??
First wierd item...the deceased is not in a casket, just laid out on a bed in a room of the person's house (or family members house). Second item, NO EMOTION! I mean no crying, no hugging, no condolences to the family. Just stern faces, rough handshakes & the standard German/Pennsylvania Dutch greeting. Third item, depending on the community of Amish & the state, many don't enbalm(is that the word) the body of the deceased. If it is hot, by funeral day, the skin is detereorating, etc. Gross! Hopefully, since he is being transported from New York to Michigan there will be some law requiring this. Not to mention, the family/friends that are all in New York now are coming on a charter bus to MI with dead gramps in the cargo area of the bus. Final & most painful item...the funeral which is tomorrow, starts at 9am & can be expected to be over somewhere around 5-6pm!!! If my conservative outfit is tight across the rear in the morning, I'm going to be splitting seams from sitting by 5pm!!
Pretty sure I'll need to run ten miles Tuesday to recover from this. Am I the only one disturbed by most of this? For the most part, I love my Amish in-law's & respect their ways of life. But the death thing gives me the willies with them!! Ok, I've said my part. Let the sympathy, criticism & understand flow...
|
.: 5% Less of Me
•
Ladies Locker Room :.
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming: WOO HOO! What a ride!" |
|
|
| view log Runs With Snowplows |
posted: 6/25/2006 at 9:07 PM |
In-laws...too bad homicide isn't excused under such conditions. You know that I am intensely sympathetic to anyone with difficult ILs...
(((Eryn)))
k |
Kirsten
• Ladies Locker Room •
.: 2008 Goals :.
• Run 1500 miles
• October 5 - 1st marathon - Milwaukee Lakefront - in my home state of WI
• PRs: 5k ~ 15k ~ 25k
• 1st trail race |
|
|
| view log Abs of Flabs |
posted: 6/26/2006 at 2:13 PM |
| I am fascinated by this. The closest I got to understanding the Amish life style is with that Harrison Ford movie "Witness", and I don't know how accurate it was. I have more questions than comments, and probably couldn't provide the proper support. I'll just leave it at with heart goes out to you, and your family. |
| Beantown Runners | On the Bench |
|
|
| view log |
posted: 6/26/2006 at 5:15 PM |
| Quote from zoom-zoom on 6/25/2006 at 9:07 PM: In-laws...too bad homicide isn't excused under such conditions. You know that I am intensely sympathetic to anyone with difficult ILs...
(((Eryn)))
k
I HATE "Everybody Loves Raymond" His mom, the person that created her KNOWS my mother better than my dad does!!!!! I have been written out of the will because I registered GOP!!!
|
To paraphrase an old poster: Today is the first day of the rest of your training. It doesn’t matter where you started or how far you’ve come. Today is the day.
Your training didn’t start 6 weeks ago. Your training started the last time you hit the road.
John “the Penguin” Bingham
Life is not tried, it is merely survived if you're standing outside the fire
|
|
|
| view log |
posted: 6/26/2006 at 5:18 PM |
| Quote from Mile Collector on 6/26/2006 at 2:13 PM: I am fascinated by this. The closest I got to understanding the Amish life style is with that Harrison Ford movie "Witness", and I don't know how accurate it was. I have more questions than comments, and probably couldn't provide the proper support. I'll just leave it at with heart goes out to you, and your family.
Witness was close to the mark accourding to the "English" driver for the Amish Crew that built my barn. BTW the father of the guy that owned the bussiness would wonder off for a smoke now and then.
|
To paraphrase an old poster: Today is the first day of the rest of your training. It doesn’t matter where you started or how far you’ve come. Today is the day.
Your training didn’t start 6 weeks ago. Your training started the last time you hit the road.
John “the Penguin” Bingham
Life is not tried, it is merely survived if you're standing outside the fire
|
|
|
| view log |
posted: 6/27/2006 at 8:33 PM |
| Quote from Mile Collector on 6/26/2006 at 2:13 PM: I am fascinated by this. The closest I got to understanding the Amish life style is with that Harrison Ford movie "Witness", and I don't know how accurate it was. I have more questions than comments, and probably couldn't provide the proper support. I'll just leave it at with heart goes out to you, and your family.
I've found that most people are fascinated by the Amish & I'm very used to the questions, as is my husband. In other words, ask away. I saw "Witness" years before I met my husband, so I might have to watch it again for accuracy issues. Of course, every community is quite different, so what goes on here may not in Minnesota, Ohio, or even another part of Michigan.
As for the funeral...I was relieved that he had been embalmed & was in a casket. I'm presuming this was due to the interstate travel. The funeral was very different than what we "English" are used to, but I was fascinated by parts of it. Some parts were a little disturbing to me, but every culture is different & they probably have some of the same practices as other culture's. And I did actually see a little emotion. I saw tears from a few of the grandchildren, which truly amazed me!!
Being the only two English amongst hundreds of Amish was a bit intimidating, especially when many know that Dan is formerly Amish. You, as a friend or neighbor, would be viewed quite differently than Dan & even as myself, being his wife. The response was surprisingly warm & welcoming, even from some family members that are typically only nice when other Amish aren't around. The exception was my MIL & FIL, who cold-shouldered us from the time they arrived to the time they left. I think they were concerned about what others would think if they were spotted being nice to us! Funny thing is, they (and Dan's one sister) were the only ones who were like that.
My husband & my sister-in-law's received many comments on how well I fit in & how impressed everyone was that I respected their traditions & customs, even though I didn't understand all of them. It is hard to fit in when you are the only one without the dress & white cap, so I'm thinking I did ok!! A few even mentioned to me that they were impressed at how well I did, considering that some Amish, especially the elders, can be so grumpy & intimidating towards the English.
All in all, it went well & both hubby & I lived through it. In my opinion, it had to be harder for him than for me. He might understand the language & all that happened, but I don't have the "formerly one of us" pressure on my back. He was as nervous as I had ever seen him arriving on the day of the actual funeral. We typically would just attend visitation, but had been strongly encouraged to attend by one of the friendlier faces in the community.
Ok, that was a long story once again. Fire away w/ the questions, Mile Collector!!  |
.: 5% Less of Me
•
Ladies Locker Room :.
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming: WOO HOO! What a ride!" |
|
|
|
| view log |
posted: 6/30/2006 at 12:12 PM |
Anyone not Amish is English...
I know, it doesn't make sense, but many things about the Amish life do not make sense. You just get used to the stupidity of some of the rules they have. Hence the fact that my husband is now "English", he disagreed with many of the rules & decided just not to live his life like that. |
.: 5% Less of Me
•
Ladies Locker Room :.
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming: WOO HOO! What a ride!" |
|
|
|
| view log |
posted: 6/30/2006 at 2:30 PM |
WOW! You and your husband have all my sympathy and a great deal of respect too. I have no real opinion on (or knowledge about) the Amish, but I can still imagine that last week was pretty stressful for you. It's bad enough when we "English" visit our "English" in-laws. 
Also, I find it amazing when a person (such as your husband) is raised in a certain way of life and yet has the bravery to make a decision about their life that will alter it so completely. Good for you for supporting him (and putting yourself in such a vulnerable position). No doubt this funeral raised a lot of old emotions in him... again, my sympathy to you both.
I have a few quick questions.. I've heard of this concept.. that a person raised Amish can leave their way of life in their late teens (and there's some sort of a trial period, no?) and decide to join the "English" world, but I've never met anyone who has done so. Is it very common? Are there statistics on what percentage of Amish teens leave? Also, aside from being born in an Amish family, is there anyway to join the Amish? Could you and your husband ever "rejoin"? (not saying you'd want to, just curious).
Hope my questions don't offend! Best of luck!
|
|
|
| view log |
posted: 6/30/2006 at 2:32 PM
modified: 6/30/2006 at 2:32 PM |
| By the way, I hate that mom on Everyone Loves Raymond too! The actress who plays her has certainly captured the essence of everything that is terrible in an in-law... hehe. |
|
|
| view log |
posted: 7/5/2006 at 10:41 AM |
Quote from vicentefrijole on 6/30/2006 at 2:30 PM:Also, I find it amazing when a person (such as your husband) is raised in a certain way of life and yet has the bravery to make a decision about their life that will alter it so completely. Good for you for supporting him (and putting yourself in such a vulnerable position). No doubt this funeral raised a lot of old emotions in him... again, my sympathy to you both. I have a few quick questions.. I've heard of this concept.. that a person raised Amish can leave their way of life in their late teens (and there's some sort of a trial period, no?) and decide to join the "English" world, but I've never met anyone who has done so. Is it very common? Are there statistics on what percentage of Amish teens leave? Also, aside from being born in an Amish family, is there anyway to join the Amish? Could you and your husband ever "rejoin"? (not saying you'd want to, just curious). Hope my questions don't offend! Best of luck!
No offense taken at all. As I said, we are used to lots of questions & many of them are more personal than that!! I don't think you could ask me an Amish question that would offend!!
Yes, I am amazed by my husband & the things he has done with his life. Leaving was very difficult for him...the guilt crammed in to the Amish children about the very thought of leaving is overwhelming. I'm also extremely proud of who he is & what he has become. #1 that he chose to leave & live an "English" life instead of staying & breaking all of the rules like so many Amish do. I think it takes a bigger person to walk away than to break rules. #2 that he has come so far professionally & personally with the lack of education he has. When he left, he spoke English, but not well. The Amish only educate through the 8th grade & it is your basic reading, writing, math & English. Ask him the difference between the Civil War & the Revolutionary War & he would have no clue. He has worked construction jobs his entire life, and is still in concrete construction, but he is almost at the top of the ladder in a large concrete construction company. In just a couple years, when the boss retires, he & a co-worker are taking over the company! That is a big accomplishment for an uneducated Amish boy!!
As for your questions...every community of Amish is different & each has its own rules. In the communities my husband has lived in (Canton, Minnesota & Six Lakes, MI) they do not have that "trial period". There are communities that do have that, but more that do not have it. As for statistics of how many leave, I doubt there are. The Amish are obsessed with details of dates, numbers, etc so you would think there would be, but someone leaving their way of life is something they really try to ignore/hide! The numbers are quite low though, from the communities that I'm familiar with. The more turmoil in a community (and there can be ALOT), the more that leave is what I have seen.
As for joining a community (again, not that anyone would be so crazy as to give up 30 minute hot showers & a microwave!!), yes you can. There are no rules forbidding it, but I don't think it ever becomes an issue for the church either!! It does happen; there is a family that lives about 40min from us that joined the Amish (had no ties prior to joining). The wife & child have since left, but the hubby is still Amish, from what I hear. As for my hubby, Dan could go back & take us with him. Even though he left prior to his baptism into the Amish church, he would still have to confess to the preachers & probably to the entire church & people would watch us like hawks for transgressions!!
I mention the baptism into the church, because that is the important part for the Amish. Dan was never shunned by the community officially, because he was not yet a member of the church. Most Amish join around 18yo give or take. Prior to that, if you leave, they technically can't shun you because you aren't a member to be shunned. That doesn't mean they will like you, accept you, speak to you or do business with you if you leave...they just can't officially shun you. My husband is actually pretty well respected amongst the local Amish community, but it is because he is very respectful of their ways, doesn't try to talk others into leaving & helps them out when & where appropriate. After leaving, it took a few years to build that respect & that time was pretty rough on him.
I hope that answers your questions & again, no offense taken at all!! I still ask my husband & sister-in-law's a bunch of questions. At the funeral, I was stuck to my favorite SIL (yes, I play favorites...you have to, there is a million of them!!) like velcro & had a million why, how, what questions!! |
.: 5% Less of Me
•
Ladies Locker Room :.
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming: WOO HOO! What a ride!" |
|
|
| view log Funky Monkey |
posted: 7/3/2008 at 7:22 PM |
| I'm still waiting for my eggs |
| It's all fun and games until the flying monkeys attack. |
|
|
Pages: 1 |
|
