1

How to motivate a child? (Read 583 times)

DipMom


    I am an assistant coach for "Girls on the Run" which is a running program for girls in grades 3-6. We meet twice a week and will finish the program with a 5K in May. My problem is one 11-year-old who is overweight and has no confidence. She ends up walking and complaining to the point that the other girls group around her and feel sorry for her. She refuses to push herself and today she showed up after having coffee and McDonalds for breakfat (parents not much help here). I know she would be so proud of herself if she would just push herself a little. Any advice on how to encourage her and deflect her efforts to bring the rest of the group down?
    FastTalkingFatty


      Hi there, I have coached with GOTR. It can be so rewarding and so tough too. I don't have anything concrete for you but remember that a lot of the games are good running practice in an of themselves (tag is just wind-sprints). Like the mouse and cheese game (forget its real name). Try making her the star of a couple of games. Maybe even make a sprinting game a walking game - something where she can feel like a worthy participant. Try making her your assistant for a couple of sessions: taking attendance, suggesting a game, maybe asking her to help someone else with their performance. When I was a running buddy last year my little girl gave up early. She got split off from a friend and that made everything worse. She even "faked" an injury. We skipped, we walked, we shuffled. She called out futilely for her long-finished friend. Then as she say the finish line and heard the cheering she sprinted like a champ - suddenly that foot didn't hurt. I realized she needed tons of encouragement, just what your girl needs. She has obviously learned that she gets more attention through sympathy than anything else. It's the old story of wanting any attention she can get. You just have to turn that into a love of positive attention. So much easier to write those words than to make it happen. I know this is the hardest situation, worse than having a few naughty girls, because it's heartbreaking. Remember, you only have her twice a week for an hour and you can only do what you can do. At the least don't let her be too disruptive. I bet once she hears the cheering at the race she'll sign up again for next year. Change is slow. Good Luck

      <www.runningahead.com/groups/veggies/

        SmileI have been a running buddy and I always seem to get the girl who is injured,tired,"can we walk now". I try to give them goals-walk to the next pole, walk for 10 and so on. You are doing a great thing and who knows how it will touch each girl. Parent are a huge part of what goes on. I'm always amazed that parents show up for the "race" and yell run, faster, win and so on. This is a starting point for all the girls and families. Keep up the great work and thanks for all you do. Kathy


        Renee the dog

          In the context of the other good advice already given, she can't be rewarded for her disruptive behavior or the team you are coaching. I was a competitive swimmer starting at age 6. The best thing my early coaches drilled into my head is that while swimming is an individual sport, we all perform together and train together to be our best. We had to act in concert, esp. in practice. If her behavior is making the other girls "swarm" to comfort her, I'd simply yell "FREEZE." And then, I'd nicely point out that NO ONE is optimizing themselves in this situation, and that it won't be tolerated. Everyone has potential, and everyone will reach for it. It is very important to make sure you "last" girl finishing is considered in some ways the most important one of all, as without her finishing, the team didn't make their goal (if the goal is for everyone to finish). It's early, I haven't had coffee yet, but I hope you get where I'm trying to go with this. I am definitely NOT of the harsh coach camp -- so please don't read that into the post. But, at the same time, the girls need to know that behavior that might be ok on the playground is not ok in the context of training. And, 11 is certainly not too young to learn that. As my husband always says, "Firmness with kindness." Good luck and please report back on how it is going!

          GOALS 2012: UNDECIDED

          GOALS 2011: LIVE!!!

          DeadMopoz


            I am probably missing something... Why is that girl keeps coming? Is it because of her friends, parents - really, why? Also, I would suggest to break girls on groups according to their abilities, so that girl will endup being alone (let say with assistance coach Smile ).
            VictorN


              Just tell here to HTFU. :-) Seriously, I like FastTalking's suggestions. Instead of just running, mix in some games that just happen to involve running. I also think it is important that she doesn't get rewarded for her complaining, and attention, especially from her peers, is a strong reward. I'm not sure how to stop that, but somehow you need to distract the other girls and get them doing something else before they start to swarm. It is also important to remember that this girl is probably not as physically able as the others. Be sensitive to that and see if you can end her "training" before she is ready to stop. Frequently, it seems that if you tell a kid to stop before they are ready to stop, they want to do more. One last thing, walking is an acceptable for of training, depending on the person's physical state. Victor
              DipMom


                I was so frustrated yesterday, but you have all offered so much insight into why she is doing this. Thanks to all of you I feel hopefull. I am printing all of your advice and will use it to work out a strategy with the coach. I'll let you know how it works out.


                Non ducor, duco.

                  I just wanted to say thank you for doing what you are doing. You may be the sole person in her life that challenges her to a new way of thinking and doing. You may never get to see the fruits of your work however, she may remember you in the future as someone that pushed her in the right way. Keep fighting the good fight!
                  Mr Inertia


                  Suspect Zero

                    Lots of good advice so far. Different people respond to different stimuli; finding what each person's individual motivation is can be a real chore. A good place to start would be to ask her "Why are you here? What are you hoping to accomplish?" and help her keep her eye on the prize, whatever that may be. When she slacks, let her know that it's not helping her reach her goal.


                    Hey, nice marmot!

                      A good place to start would be to ask her "Why are you here? What are you hoping to accomplish?" and help her keep her eye on the prize, whatever that may be. When she slacks, let her know that it's not helping her reach her goal.
                      I completely agree with this. Everybody needs some kind of goal to work toward. The kid has probably defined some kind of unattainable goal in her own mind already. She doesn't see much progress toward that goal and understandably has little motivation to continue. You're in a good position to help her set a goal she can actually reach. And for the record, aside from a handful of medical conditions, there is no reason why an 11 year old should be overweight. Coffee and McDonalds for breakfast?!? Isn't that some form of abuse?

                      Ben

                       

                      "The world is my country, science is my religion."-- Christiaan Huygens

                      Teresadfp


                      One day at a time

                        Hang in there! You're getting a lot of great advice. My son, who will be 13 next week, sounds a lot like that girl. His big brother is an amazing runner, and he said he really wanted to try cross country. But he is built like a football player, and not in very good shape. But his XC coach is also his advisor and science teacher, and has spent a lot of time with him. A lot of times when I would pick him up after practice in the fall, I would see the teacher running right next to him, encouraging him every step. He still complains a lot, but he DOES it, and feels really good about himself afterwards. The effort you put in is worth it!