The Gym is a Freak Show (Read 1110 times)

    My gym is pretty weird too.  I just joined.  There are these weird machines that go round and round and back and forth.  The people look absurd on them.  There are guys hanging off bars and girls running without going anyplace.  No one looks at anyone but everyone looks at everyone else.   I look at all these buttons and just start pushing them.  Next thing you know I'm on "Everest Climb" and looking for "Easy Stroll" so I don't have a "Cardiac Event".

     

    And there's often some weird woman doing some soft-core-porn buttock exercises over by the orgy balls.  Or whatever they're called.

     

    Yeah, looking without looking is a real art form....especially when you're in a room with mirrors on all of the walls.

    cmb4314


      We have our cast of characters.

       

      There is one dude that clearly is trying to do some sort of HIIT, so he cranks the treadmill up to 12mph, sprints as hard as he can for 10-20 seconds, jumps off, reduces the speed to 2mph, and walks, while hacking and coughing.  And taking giant swigs of Gatorade from this massive bottle he brings with him.  Sometimes, he sings out loud to the music in his headphones while doing this.

       

      The woman that moans (I guess in pain...but it honestly sounds pretty dirty, LOL) ~every 5 seconds while she runs.  I actively avoid her because I can hear her even over the music in my headphones, and it drives me insane.

       

      The dude who walks on the treadmill and shadow boxes, rather violently.  Quite often walking backwards, so if you are behind him you get to stare at his face the whole time he does it.   He does pretty elaborate stompy dance steps while doing all of this, spinning and whatnot, I guess to practice boxing footwork?  He also brings an entire orange juice carton full of something, and likes to periodically toss it way up in the air and catch it.  He will deliberately toss it such that he has to dive at some odd angle to catch it.  He will continue this dance steps/carton tossing routine across the whole gym before he gets on and after he gets off the treadmill.  He was on the treadmill next to me the other day and I was pretty sure that I was going to end up getting accidentally punched in the head.

       

      The guy who puts the treadmill on 6.3mph, and tries to *walk*.  So he hangs onto the siderails, locks his arms and puts all of his weight on them, sticks his ass out strangely, and kicks his legs along at the pace of the treadmill.  Especially since he's tall, this is the most awkward looking exercise I've ever seen someone do on a treadmill.

       

      I've never seen anything too odd in the locker room, thank goodness.

      My wildly inconsistent PRs:

      5k: 24:36 (10/20/12)  

      10k: 52:01 (4/28/12)  

      HM: 1:50:09 (10/27/12)

      Marathon: 4:19:11 (10/2/2011) 

      jerkasaurus


      DYEL?

        The "midget bodybuilder" is the only one of the bunch who actually sounds normal.  I am guessing he's not a bodybuilder, but a powerlifter or Olympic weightlifter.  Was the "wrestling outfit" actually a singlet?  They're required attire in many strength sports.  I would be willing to bet he had a meet coming up and wanted to try out a new singlet first, especially if he was a geared powerlifter and wanted to give it a test run in combination with a bench shirt, squat briefs, etc..  I would do the same, but would rather not wear one any longer than I absolutely have to.

        themayonegg.com | baseball staches | fitocracy: @Hodorific


        A Saucy Wench

          My favorite current gym member is the guy who likes to interrupt his walk on the treadmill to do dips on the treadmill side rails.   It is actually seriously impressive because there is no way he is less than 350 lbs.  He looks closer to 400 to me but he may not be all that tall.  The treadmills on the otherhand do not appreciate him using them as a dip station.  The rails flex outward alarmingly while he is doing this.

          I have become Death, the destroyer of electronic gadgets

           

          "When I got too tired to run anymore I just pretended I wasnt tired and kept running anyway" - dd, age 7


          Dave

            We have the guy from Zoolander.  My wife calls him that when she talks to me but I don't think that's his name.

             

            He struts and preens.  Has "Blue Steel"  down pat.  What is most amazing other than his version of yoga is to watch him walk past the mirrors.  He catches his eye in the reflection and watches every step.

             

            Dude is certifiable.  Thinks he's a mixed martial arts fighter too.

            I ran a mile and I liked it, liked it, liked it.

            dgb2n@yahoo.com


            A Sweetheart

               They're required attire in many strength sports.  

               

              No I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform.

              I want to do it because I want to do it.  -Amelia Earhart


              A Sweetheart

                Downtown we have the fancier "Signature" club. The cardio equipment and treadmills all have tv's on them in case what you don't like about running outside is the lack of a big square object bouncing a foot from your face. On the occasion that I get on the big, tall stair machine during the desk jockey post-work time, I have noticed all of the tv's are turned to the same channel for both the men and women. Not the major networks for the news, CNN, or ESPN.  Nope, everyone is watching E! News.

                 

                I remember back when men used to watch SportsCenter. Sigh.

                I want to do it because I want to do it.  -Amelia Earhart

                  Downtown we have the fancier "Signature" club. The cardio equipment and treadmills all have tv's on them in case what you don't like about running outside is the lack of a big square object bouncing a foot from your face. On the occasion that I get on the big, tall stair machine during the desk jockey post-work time, I have noticed all of the tv's are turned to the same channel for both the men and women. Not the major networks for the news, CNN, or ESPN.  Nope, everyone is watching E! News.

                   

                  I remember back when men used to watch SportsCenter. Sigh.

                  That's funny, because since I don't have cable I use my treadmill and stairclimber time to catch up on sports center. It's not a "signature" gym, just the local Y, but all the machines have TVs.

                   

                  I have discovered that I tend to lean amd angle on the treadmill while watching basketball highlights. Have to be careful! Strangely enough, I don't have a problem with any of the other sports.


                  Queen of 3rd Place

                     I did at first, and was astonished (in a very bad way) at how old men's parts can get so low.

                    Those guys need a nut bra

                    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zdDfQrPi5Q

                    Ex runner

                    Better I Leave


                      Those guys need a nut bra

                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zdDfQrPi5Q

                       

                      So at what age do I need to retire my leather and chrome G-String? Umm....Whooops....Sorry wrong forum. Nevermind. **giggle**

                      Better I Leave


                        But seriously, the only "weirdness" I've witnessed recently at a gym was a nicely "rotund" lady who would jump on a recumbent stepper, plug in her headphones, and "step" in little tiny 1" increments while sipping Monster Energy drinks. Marina referred to her as "Bubbles, The Peddle Lady"

                         

                        And then there was the young lady who would start a TM session and jump off every 30 seconds to "text"...WTF?


                        Queen of 3rd Place

                           

                          So at what age do I need to retire my leather and chrome G-String? Umm....Whooops....Sorry wrong forum. Nevermind. **giggle**

                          I'm sure there's a leathermen sub-forum somewhere around here on RA. This place has everything!

                          Ex runner

                          beachrun


                            But seriously, the only "weirdness" I've witnessed recently at a gym was a nicely "rotund" lady who would jump on a recumbent stepper, plug in her headphones, and "step" in little tiny 1" increments while sipping Monster Energy drinks. Marina referred to her as "Bubbles, The Peddle Lady"

                             

                             

                            I got a chuckle with that one.  She's probably taking in more calories then she's burning.


                            Doc, my tooth hurts

                              Downtown we have the fancier "Signature" club. The cardio equipment and treadmills all have tv's on them in case what you don't like about running outside is the lack of a big square object bouncing a foot from your face. On the occasion that I get on the big, tall stair machine during the desk jockey post-work time, I have noticed all of the tv's are turned to the same channel for both the men and women. Not the major networks for the news, CNN, or ESPN.  Nope, everyone is watching E! News.

                               

                              I remember back when men used to watch SportsCenter. Sigh.

                               

                              This is the most disturbing post in this thread.

                                 

                                 

                                The guy who puts the treadmill on 6.3mph, and tries to *walk*.  So he hangs onto the siderails, locks his arms and puts all of his weight on them, sticks his ass out strangely, and kicks his legs along at the pace of the treadmill.  Especially since he's tall, this is the most awkward looking exercise I've ever seen someone do on a treadmill.

                                 

                                 

                                This one is popular among the ladies in my gym... I'm almost tempted to ask one of them what is the point!