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True stories of stupid people (Read 884 times)


Needs more cowbell!

    It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. 45-year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn’t realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil. David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I., after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind. Drug possession defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn’t need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher’s jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five- minute recess to compose himself. Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso from Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of the truck. Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your fucking head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, " - if I’d been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year sentence. R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer’s asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver’s license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri. New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer..that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from." 1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?" 2nd Person: "A little. What’s wrong?" 1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened." 2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?" 1st Person: "It’s a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn’t want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it." I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote ‘thingy,’" she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries...it’s a long walk." My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I’m not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?" I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to make a sandwich.

    I shoot pretty things! ~

    '14 Goals:

    • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

    • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

      Those are great- thanks for helping start my morning with a laugh.
      http://distance-runner.blogspot.com


      You'll ruin your knees!

        pic = 1K wurd

        ""...the truth that someday, you will go for your last run. But not today—today you got to run." - Matt Crownover (after Western States)


        Gandalf the Grey

          If you really want to know about some 'amazing' people check out www.darwinawards.com Natural selection eh? Neil UK Big grin

          Running ... just keep running!
          Fancy a holiday running in the French Alps?

            www.darwinawards.com
            I was just thinking of this !
            2009: BQ?
              Two years ago at a Jr High school there was a police officer that stopped by the school. It was a routine stop but a boy got nervous because he was holding a large bag of marijuana. He was caught trying to throw the bag away. When questioned by the principal and officer the boy replied, "I was just going to sell it ...not smoke it, I swear." Brilliant
              Runners around the state are getting better today ...are you one of them? TRAIN HARD
                I was just thinking of this !
                Same here. Imagine how much better our gene pool would be if we didn't spend so much time and energy protecting these people from themselves. Here's a visual - what if the stupid lady that sued McDonald's because she dumped hot coffee in lap mated with one of the stupid people trying to sue a fast food chain because they are fat.

                When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

                  pic = 1K wurd
                  Great picture, Lynn. I was wondering where the driver was, but then I figured that after he realized he hadn't blown himself up, he ran to the bathroom to change his pants.

                  When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?


                  Needs more cowbell!

                    Imagine how much better our gene pool would be if we didn't spend so much time and energy protecting these people from themselves. Here's a visual - what if the stupid lady that sued McDonald's because she dumped hot coffee in lap mated with one of the stupid people trying to sue a fast food chain because they are fat.
                    Eeek, good thing she was post-menopause age, IIRC. But I agree about the gene pool thing...too bad it seems that the ones who do off themselves have almost always procreated at least once... Tongue k

                    I shoot pretty things! ~

                    '14 Goals:

                    • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

                    • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)


                    I've got a fever...

                      too bad it seems that the ones who do off themselves have almost always procreated at least once...
                      Yeah, it seems like they manage to procreate more than the rest of us.

                      On your deathbed, you won't wish that you'd spent more time at the office.  But you will wish that you'd spent more time running.  Because if you had, you wouldn't be on your deathbed.

                        Too true. I was on the way home from the store last night with the kiddos in the back seat. We always wear seatbelts, but for story reference, Texas has recently started a new as campaign called "Click it or ticket". So we drive past a car filled with kids, none of them wearing seatbelts, my son goes "Wow, if the police stopped them their ticket would be more than a thousand dollars". I felt bad for the kids in that car, but the "fine example" of a mother driving the car just goes to prove Kirsten and Jeff's points. I need to see if they have a number I can call to report people like that. I mean I really don't care if an adult chooses to drive without a seat belt, but risking the kids like that is beyond comprehension to me.

                        When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?


                        Needs more cowbell!

                          I need to see if they have a number I can call to report people like that. I mean I really don't care if an adult chooses to drive without a seat belt, but risking the kids like that is beyond comprehension to me.
                          I really wish there were bicycle helmet laws, too, and that ALL bicycles sold automatically came with a helmet or a voucher good for a helmet up to $x. I hate seeing kids without helmets. I also hate seeing kids with helmets while mom & dad go without. All this says to kids is that adults don't make mistakes and are not at risk of being hit by a careless driver, which is so not true. Dane has already had his bicycle taken away for a month after being caught riding without his helmet. He really wants a pair of Heelys, too (those annoying as hell shoes with the little wheels in the heels. One of these days when a kid cruises by me in a store with those things I'm gonna clothesline the little bastard). I told him the ONLY way he can have a pair is if he always wears a helmet while using them. That pretty much always gets him to stop begging for them. k

                          I shoot pretty things! ~

                          '14 Goals:

                          • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

                          • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)


                          I've got a fever...

                            Dane...really wants a pair of Heelys, too (those annoying as hell shoes with the little wheels in the heels. One of these days when a kid cruises by me in a store with those things I'm gonna clothesline the little bastard). I told him the ONLY way he can have a pair is if he always wears a helmet while using them. That pretty much always gets him to stop begging for them.
                            Uh-oh Dane. Better hope mom doesn't read this. Tongue

                            On your deathbed, you won't wish that you'd spent more time at the office.  But you will wish that you'd spent more time running.  Because if you had, you wouldn't be on your deathbed.


                            Needs more cowbell!

                              Uh-oh Dane. Better hope mom doesn't read this. Tongue
                              That doesn't surprise me in the least. I wonder how many of those injured kids fell because annoyed adults stuck their arms or legs out to knock them down... I'd really like to see statistics of people injured when Heely-wearin' kids have run into them, too. I'm glad stores and schools are banning them. Given how litigious we are it's only a matter of time before Billy or Becky falls in a store while wearing those asinine things and mommy and daddy decide to sue the store.

                              I shoot pretty things! ~

                              '14 Goals:

                              • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

                              • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)


                              I've got a fever...

                                MICHIGAN WOMAN CLOTHESLINES SKATING YOUTH AT GROCERY STORE MONTAGUE, MI (AP). A Michigan woman was apprehended yesterday on charges of clotheslining an 8 year-old boy in the frozen food section of Meijer Thrifty Acres. Kirsten Dykstra, 34, of Montague, was heard yelling this as she was escorted from the store by police: "That little bastard had it coming! He knocked a box of Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches out of my hand on his first pass. I loves me some ice cream! I had to take him out!" Dykstra's husband Derek had this to say: "She's usually pretty calm, but she missed her run this morning. Plus, her favorite running skirt got messed in the wash. Well, hey, I'd love to talk, but since she's gonna be busy for a while, I gotta go out some serious miles on my bike."

                                On your deathbed, you won't wish that you'd spent more time at the office.  But you will wish that you'd spent more time running.  Because if you had, you wouldn't be on your deathbed.

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