RunningAHEAD - Topic: Cat People, c'mere...

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rectumdamnnearkilledem

posted: 9/28/2007 at 1:00 PM

Dear Cats: The dishes on the floor are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing your paw, nose or tongue in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I will not buy a bigger bed. Do not think I will sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails and legs straight out is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there, and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- feline attendance is not required. To pacify you, my dear cats, I will post the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don' t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.) 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak English. Remember: In many ways, cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money 3. Are easier to train 4. Sometimes come when called 5. Never ask to borrow the car 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Will never tell you they hate you 9. Don't want to wear your clothes 10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college And finally, 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to

remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.

~ Sarah Kay

Run To Win

#2867

posted: 9/28/2007 at 3:16 PM

Quote from zoom-zoom on 9/28/2007 at 1:00 PM:

Remember: In many ways, cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money 3. Are easier to train 4. Sometimes come when called 5. Never ask to borrow the car 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Will never tell you they hate you 9. Don't want to wear your clothes 10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college And finally, 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Actually, not all of those are true... Cats do eat less, but most also throw up more after the first year or two than most kids. My brother's cat didn't hang out with drug using friends, but she was a druggie herself. And my cat had a lot of friends, especially before I had her spade, that would come to the back window and try to break into the house. My cat does everything she can to get various bugs and rodents into the house to play with her, and they sort of count as friends. They don't do drugs though. For the no smoking bit, see what I just wrote about my brother's cat... The cat will never tell you that they hate you, but they'll never hate you. Instead, they'll just claw or bite you and then be your best friend again after they forgive you. And as for not wanting to wear clothes, have you ever had a cat? I've had quite a few of them, and my cat spends as much time in the closet as she can, considers anything laid out the bed fair game to make a bed out of, will curl up in the sock drawer on a moments notice, and can frequently be spotted when her nose sticks out of the sleeve on a shirt or the leg of some pants! If your cat get pregnant, selling the kittens has been the least of your worries. I was going to breed my cat, but 4 months of her going into heat was enough to decide she was going to get fixed...

Run to Win
25 Marathons, 17 Ultras, 16 States (Full List)

Berner

posted: 9/28/2007 at 4:07 PM

Broccoli dog has the following to say about cats ....

How To Run a Marathon: Step 1 - start running. There is no Step 2.

Seacow

posted: 9/29/2007 at 8:23 PM

Quote from zoom-zoom on 9/28/2007 at 1:00 PM:

3. Are easier to train

Hahahahahahahahha and also ha So, lets see, got this one: -Litter box On the other hand, not so much: -The pissed off one attacking friends; nope -The overly affectionet one leaving friends alone; nada -Get your damn furry tongue out of my milk glass; negative -Can openers can be used, regardless of contents, without inquesition; no way -How about you stay out of that basket of clean laundry; hardly -Let me make the bed without you getting under the fitted sheet; has not happened yet

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rectumdamnnearkilledem

posted: 9/29/2007 at 8:33 PM

Ha! Adam, I still say cats are easier to train than kids. And when they misbehave we can lock them in the basement without any fear that CPS will come investigating. Wink

k

Getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to

remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.

~ Sarah Kay

perfesserr

Imminent Catastrophe

posted: 9/29/2007 at 10:11 PM
modified: 9/29/2007 at 10:11 PM

Sorry to do this, but I just had to post this scene from "The Office" that had me ROTFL: Angela, talking about the recent death of her cat "Sprinkles", who was being cared for by Dwight, who claimed the cat had died of natural causes: "I had this crazy thought, that maybe Dwight killed my cat. When I got there, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer, where Dwight said he left her. But all my bags of frozen french fries had been clawed to shreds! Something's not right"

"Able to function despite imminent catastrophe"

"To obtain the air that angels breathe you must come to Tahoe"--Mark Twain

"The most common question from potential entrants is 'I do not know if I can do this' to which I usually answer, 'that's the whole point'.--Paul Charteris, Tarawera Ultramarathon RD.

√ Javelina Jundred Jalloween 2015

Cruel Jewel 50 mile May 2016

Western States 100 June 2016

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rectumdamnnearkilledem

posted: 9/29/2007 at 10:16 PM

Oh, no...poor Sprinkles! Tongue

k

Getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to

remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.

~ Sarah Kay

Seacow

posted: 9/30/2007 at 6:43 PM

Your just kidding about not being allowed to lock kids in the basement aren't you? I'm never going to be able to have them. How about the dogs cage? I mean, yea, its a cage, but it is referred to as his "fuzzy den".

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rectumdamnnearkilledem

posted: 9/30/2007 at 6:53 PM

Quote from Seacow on 9/30/2007 at 6:43 PM:

I mean, yea, its a cage, but it is referred to as his "fuzzy den".

Hmmm...that sounds like something else, entirely... Wink

Getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to

remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.

~ Sarah Kay

Cat People, c'mere... (Read 621 times)