Forums >Running 101>feeling the heat
Runner man
As I have posted other times....I just love running but I have trouble finding equal time for my wife and kids.
They don't run and don't come to my races anymore.
A lot of standing around for them.
Anyway, during Memorial Day weekend, I left with friends for 3 days to compete in a race quite far away.
I came home to many cold shoulders....
Suggestions needed especially from the women out there on ways I can make it up to my wife and kids for missing many activities while I was gone.
I am not good at planning the romantic stuff and family stuff. I need help. I am feeling selfish. How do you make it up when you miss time with your families?
Well you were looking for suggestions from the women, but I will give my 2 cents anyway.
Certainly there is no single answer, all relationships are different. Of course the first thing to do is have an open discussion about it.
Some may find the solution is taking your family with you, but making sure there are other things to do rather than just stand around at the race.
Some will say to see what your wife is interested in doing that involves taking off without you & the kids, so there is a more even exchange.
However in many cases the answer is simply don't be so selfish, doing things like leaving your family on holiday weekends. They probably aren't crazy about all the hours you put in running when you are home, but they put up with it; the road trips are just too much.
This is probably not the answer you are looking for, but you may have to decide whether your family is more important to you than some of your running goals.
Good luck.
Dave
Did you ever sit down and have a conversation with your wife and LISTEN to what she had to say? If you did, what did she say? If you didn't... then at the risk of offending you... You already know, but are looking for some "justification" in your current behavior.
I have friends that run and their spouses don't, so when they pick destination races there's always a larger attraction for the family. The race is normally the "secondary" consideration - make it about the family.
Chief Unicorn Officer
Does your wife get any down time or time to herself to do a hobby or something she enjoys? Maybe even a few hours to nap, read, or shop? I can see her getting resentful if you go off to run for hours every week, and she never gets her own time to herself. Rather than a tangible item, just giving her a break and watching the kids by yourself and maybe getting some chores done to ease her burden will help.
Mile 5:49 - 5K 19:58 - 10K 43:06 - HM 1:36:54
Old , Ugly and slow
Stop going away for races.
Run only a few local races.
Run early in the morning.
Stop being so selfish
first race sept 1977 last race sept 2007
2019 goals 1000 miles , 190 pounds , deadlift 400 touch my toes
Stop going away for races. Run only a few local races. Run early in the morning. Stop being so selfish
+1
3 days for a race?
Though I must say, I don't think running is the problem. . . .
Trail and Ultra Running User Group
Besides what's been said, what did your family do on the long weekend while you were gone? Had you discussed your plans with your family.
What does your family have planned for July 4? Perhaps you should find out what they want to do and do it with them. (MTA: I just noticed that this sounds like you're not part of your family. Maybe that should be worded, "what does your family, including you, want to do for July 4?")
just some thoughts
What time of day do you run? Do you run while the kids are still up and wife is looking for time to spend with you? I only run early in the morning the weeks that my husband is in town. I sometimes have to leave the house by four thirty to get my run in, but always time it so that I get home when he is having breakfast so we have that time before he leaves for work.
Does you wife have a hobby or time to herself? Like other's said, she might feel that she doesn't have time to do the things she enjoys because she is always stuck with the kids (I am a stay at home mom so I know the feeling and sometimes a little get away time is important)
How much money do you spend on shoes? race registration? travel fees? new shorts? gels? Are you guys pretty open with your financials? Does she feel like an unfair share of the free spending money is going towards your hobby?
How often do you race? Can you cut back? Can you only do local races? Or, how about this...there is a destination race you have your heart set on running, how about surprising her with a weekend getaway? You find someone to keep the kids, get a nice hotel and while you get up early and race she gets to sleep in, have breakfast in bed and go to the spa??? Then the rest of the weekend is about you guys being a couple
Like I said...just some thoughts
flashlight and sidewalk
Everybody deserves a little "me time" so I don't begrudge you the 3 day trip for a race. It sounds like this is not the first time you have been absent from the family for running, which might be ok and might not (this depends on the collective opinions of you and your family). I suggest reading this post: http://www.runningahead.com/forums/topic/52485857dfa043e7b177b8db22764389/resume#focus
Things you can do to make it up? Sounds like the family is feeling like Running = #1, Family = #2. Make your family feel like #1 with a family trip or a weekend trip or some type of group activity (absolutely no running included). The salesman in me would emphasize that you were planning on running, but you realize running is creating some problems and you want to make it up to them and make time for them too. Maybe take some time off of running...it's just running. I'm not sure how deep in the doghouse you are, but in this case it doesn't sound like any type of running is going to be well received. Make sure you're wife/family knows that it is important to you, but don't start up again until you are sure you can balance everything. When it comes down to it Family is just more important that running.
**Ask me about streaking**