Official RA Joke Thread! (Read 7081 times)

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart jack in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say ma'am if I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The class went up in roar of laughs and jeers at the lady teacher. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I will expect you to write your exam with your other hand."

Don, my hubby is a mechanical engineer AND an avid cyclist (at one point his bike cost more than our cars, combined). This is his very favorite joke! k

"I'd say somebody else shot the beaver."

For the record, I disapprove of this joke. Sure, I've been laughing about it for almost a week now, and repeated it a dozen times. But I disapprove. Strenuously. I'm frowning, but on the inside.

A doctor, priest, and engineer go golfing. After a few holes, things have really slowed down. It appears the group in front of them have no idea what they are doing, and spend forever looking for their golf shots. Eventually, the course marshall comes by, and they ask what is going on. The marshall explains that the foursome in front of them are firemen. These firemen lost their eyesight fighting a terrible fire at the clubhouse awhile ago, so the country club lets them play for free whenever they want. The doctor ponders this, and says that he will look into providing free eye surgery to see if that will help them. The priest says he will offer special prayers on their behalf. The engineer simply says, "Why can't they just play at night"?

Last exam of finals week, an auditorium full of students feverishly work through complex equations in the waning minutes of their examination period. "15 minutes" the professor proclaims. Within the next few minutes, dozens of students finish up their work and shuffle down the stairs to the professors desk in the front of the grand classroom. "10 minutes....5 minutes..." the professor barks out, impatient to end the semester. The room continues to empty until there are only three students remaining. "Time's up", he announces and two of the three put down their pencils, pack their belongings and file out, depositing their exams on top of a stack of papers on the professor's desk. The professor looks up at the last student and says "I said time is up, you will have to stop now." The student continues working feverishly, as if nothing has been said at all. The professor is angered, stating "If you don't stop working now and turn in your paper, I will take 20 points off your final score!" scribble, scribble, scribble, was the defiant students only reaction to the professor's comments. "THAT'S IT!, YOU WILL RECEIVE A FAILING GRADE ON THE EXAM AND IN THIS CLASS!", the professor proclaims! With that, the student finished the exam, gathered his book bag, and walked down to the professor's desk, prepared to put his paper on the stack..."It's too late", the professor stated, "you just failed this class!", coldly. With little reaction, holding the exam in his hand, the student looked the professor in the eye and asked "do you even know who you are talking to?". After a long pause, the professor cried, "son, I have over 200 students in this class and I have several classes this size, what on earth makes you think that I know who YOU are?" Without hesitation, the student said "just what I thought" and shoved his exam somewhere in the middle of a stack of 200 other exams and left the auditorium! (thought that was appropriate on the eve of my youngest son's graduation from Baylor University - School of ENGINEERING!) Lynn B

Two good 'ol boys are driving down the road in their truck when they see a gas station with a sign that reads "Free Sex with Fill-up". What the heck, they think. Let's pull in and fill'er up. After doing so, the station manager apologizes about the sign and says that a fill-up only entitles them to enter the contest for free sex. No problem, they say. What's the contest? Manager says he's thinking of a number between 1 and 20. If they can guess the number, they get free sex. First good'ol boy says "11". Sorry, wrong number, says the manager. Second good'ol boy says "8". Sorry, that's wrong as well. Well, they get in their truck and start headin' down the road. After a while, the passenger says to the driver, "Ya know what? I bet the whole thing's rigged. I bet it's just a trick to get people to stop at that station and buy a tank of gas." The driver says, "No, I'm pretty sure it's real. My wife stopped in a couple of times last week, and she won both times."