Official RA Joke Thread! (Read 7289 times)

    Yours is from Ace Ventura Pet Detective...I have that movie. Blush
    I WAS WRONG. There, are you happy Jeff? The movie I was thinking of was Ace Ventura When Nature Calls... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112281/quotes -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ace: [holding a skunk, imitating Tony Montana in Scarface] Say hello to my STINKY little friend! [lifts the skunk's tail]

    Michelle



      Or maybe Scarface.
      *whisper* See my last post. Big grin

      Michelle




      I've got a fever...

        Mississippi, Are you having a "My Name is Earl" moment where you're trying to go back and right all of your wrongs? It's cool, you know. No need to panic. Clowning around Cheers, Jeff

        On your deathbed, you won't wish that you'd spent more time at the office.  But you will wish that you'd spent more time running.  Because if you had, you wouldn't be on your deathbed.

          Mississippi, Are you having a "My Name is Earl" moment where you're trying to go back and right all of your wrongs? It's cool, you know. No need to panic. Clowning around Cheers, Jeff
          No, my karma is just fine. Okay, well maybe it was bugging me a little.

          Michelle



            A friend of mine showed me this website, it made me laugh so I thought I'd share it. What's your slogan?
            Smart. Beautiful. Cheryl. Movie quote: And for an hour, for an hour - I'm the best Cheryl in the world. Tongue Made my day

            Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away...(unkown)




            Go With The Flow
            Thyroid Support Group

              Happy Bunny Day. Silly, but it makes me laugh every time.

              Michelle



                http://www.webworksllc.com/I_Like_You.cfm My daughter sent this link to me. Roll eyes

                Michelle




                Needs more cowbell!

                  Oh, you asked for it! I like you too! Big grin k

                  I shoot pretty things! ~

                  '14 Goals:

                  • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

                  • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

                    Oh, you asked for it! I like you too! Big grin k
                    I love it!!

                    Michelle




                    Team Effort

                      Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- just the stone cold truth. 1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. 2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 4. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining. 5. When you are confused -- I will use little words. 6. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. 7. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. < send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4. and always remember....when life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over !!!!! :d :d send="" this="" to="" 10="" of="" your="" closest="" friends,="" then="" get="" depressed="" because="" you="" can="" only="" think="" of="" 4.="" and="" always="" remember....when="" life="" hands="" you="" lemons,="" ask="" for="" tequila="" and="" salt="" and="" call="" me="" over="" !!!!!="" :d=""></ send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4. and always remember....when life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over !!!!! :d :d>
                      www.runninngahead.com/groups/5000MC/forum


                      Team Effort

                        DAMN CHECKING ACCOUNT A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller, "I want to open a damn checking account." The astonished woman replies," I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank." The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," the man says. I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my damn money in this damn bank." "I see," says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"
                        www.runninngahead.com/groups/5000MC/forum
                        nemo1


                          The Impossible Quiz http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/365143 Click on Play This game on the right side of the screen. I think I made it to question 40 before giving up. Be warned, it's addictive


                          Needs more cowbell!

                            A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut." The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says," Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?" "Oh, heavens no, officer." said the wife. "Only when he's been drinking."

                            I shoot pretty things! ~

                            '14 Goals:

                            • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

                            • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)


                            I've got a fever...

                              Sounds like zoom-zoom and did in about 30 years or so... Clowning around

                              On your deathbed, you won't wish that you'd spent more time at the office.  But you will wish that you'd spent more time running.  Because if you had, you wouldn't be on your deathbed.


                              Needs more cowbell!

                                Ha! Though he doesn't tend to drive very fast...he's the more conservative "grandpa" driver of the two of us. Wink k

                                I shoot pretty things! ~

                                '14 Goals:

                                • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

                                • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)