Official RA Joke Thread! (Read 7196 times)

    Nutrition You Know You're A Runner... when all your friends think you eat too healthy. (Well, my friends can't really say that) when you not only eat gels, but you know the best flavors of every brand. when you consider pasta a food group. when the sports drinks are in front of the soda, beer, and juice in your fridge. when you know the name of all the checkers at your local health food store. when you have two eggs, two pieces of toast, a slice of cheese, a glass of juice, and a yogurt for breakfast and are hungry again by 11:00 a.m. when you drink your least favorite kind of sports drink because you know it is what will be handed out at waterstops at your next race and you want your body to be accustomed to it. when pasta is the only food you'll eat two nights before a race.

    Michelle



      Family and Friends when you've run, showered, and eaten breakfast (twice) before your family/roommates even wake up. when your family knows that you will run on Thanksgiving and Christmas (or other holidays you celebrate) no matter what. when your friends no longer look at you like you're nuts because they know it for sure. when you forget birthdays and anniversaries, even major holidays, but never the date of your next race. when you have to make a real effort to remember to talk to your (non-running) family and friends about something other than running. when your family plans vacations based on where your next marathon will be. when your non-running family and friends know the differences between feet that are neutral, over-pronating, and supinating. when you run so much that your family has a separate laundry basket for your running clothes. when people stop asking you if you are going to run today, but rather ask you when. when you tell people you ran a 10k and you are shocked that people think that is a long run. when you call four miles an easy day. when you try to convince people to run a 5k because it's "only" three miles. when you no longer have to explain to your friends why cotton isn't the best choice for running attire. when you come back after an hour-long run and your spouse says, "That was fast. I didn't expect you back so soon." when you smirk at people who tell you that you run too much or are crazy for enjoying a run.

      Michelle



        Injuries You know you're a runner... when you know how to correctly pronounce plantar fasciitis. when you have a favorite ice pack. when you brag about losing toenails. when your room smells like a nursing home because of all the analgesic cream you use. when a pool is started to bet on when your next toenail will fall off when you put more time and work into taping parts of your body than into filing your tax return. when you go through a box of bandages without getting a single cut. when there are permanent blood stains on your T-shirts where your nipples were rubbed raw. when it hurts worse to take a shower than it does to keep running. when you find yourself standing in front of the mirror trying to see if you have a leg length discrepancy. when you are the only person in town who knows what quinine is used to treat things other than malaria. when your physical or massage therapist is on speed dial. when your rolling pin is kept near your bed instead of in the kitchen.

        Michelle



          Clothes You know you're a runner... when you refuse to wash your running shoes because you like to wear the dirt as a badge of honor. when every T-shirt you own has a race name and sponsors list on it. when your socks come in two categories: running socks and others. when you go from having a drawer for your running clothes to having an entire bureau. when you balk at the cost of everyday shoes and then spend $75 to 100 on a pair of running shoes that will only last three months--and think you're getting a fabulous deal. when you think a black Timex Ironman watch goes with a black tie dress. when you are constantly washing running clothes but have to go through piles of clothes on the floor to find something to wear to work each morning. when you have to explain to everyone why you can't run in the T-shirts you get at races.

          Michelle




          Needs more cowbell!

            OMG, Michelle...SO many of those things are spot on! Tongue k

            I shoot pretty things! ~

            '14 Goals:

            • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

            • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

              OMG, Michelle...SO many of those things are spot on! Tongue k
              I've seen most of them before but as I've become more of a "runner" I can truly relate to them and they are funnier! Big grin ( I even think I've posted something similiar before)

              Michelle



                OMG, Michelle...SO many of those things are spot on! Tongue k
                DITTO!!

                Your toughness is made up of equal parts persistence and experience. You don't so much outrun your opponents as outlast and outsmart them, and the toughest opponent of all is the one inside your head." - Joe Henderson


                A Dance with Monkeys

                  A man who just died is delivered to a mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing." The woman returns the next day for the viewing. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever the cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. "There's no charge," he says. "No, really, I must pay you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says. "Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it didn't cost me a thing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he wa s wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his missus if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice." "So, I just switched the heads."


                  Needs more cowbell!

                    "So, I just switched the heads."
                    *gags*

                    I shoot pretty things! ~

                    '14 Goals:

                    • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

                    • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

                      "So, I just switched the heads."
                      I just heard this Saturday! We didn't expect that ending!! Big grin
                      Mr E


                      "Velocitus Delectiblus"

                        The Chicken and The Horse A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks. Wink
                          Not a joke, but it made me laugh. Last night I over heard my 13 y/o son tell my 11 y/o daughter something and then he said to her "you know, it was back in the day"...she asked "when was that?" He said " I think it was before we were born".

                          Michelle




                          A Dance with Monkeys

                            1975: Long hair 2007: Longing for hair 1975: KEG 2007: EKG 1975: Acid rock 2007: Acid reflux 1975: Moving to California because it's cool 2007: Moving to Arizona because it's warm 1975: Tryin to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 2007: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 1975: Seeds and stems 2007: Roughage 1975: Hoping for a BMW 2007: Hoping for a BM 1975: Going to a new, hip joint 2007: Receiving a new hip joint 1975: Rolling Stones 2007: Kidney Stones 1975: Screw the system 2007: Upgrade the system 1975: Disco 2007: Costco 1975: Parents begging you to get your hair cut 2007: Children begging you to get their heads shaved 1975: Passing the drivers' test 2007: Passing the vision test 1975: Whatever 2007: Depends


                            Gandalf the Grey

                              1975: Long hair 2007: Longing for hair 1975: Acid rock 2007: Acid reflux 1975: Tryin to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 2007: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 1975: Seeds and stems 2007: Roughage 1975: Hoping for a BMW 2007: Hoping for a BM 1975: Going to a new, hip joint 2007: Receiving a new hip joint 1975: Rolling Stones 2007: Kidney Stones 1975: Screw the system 2007: Upgrade the system 1975: Disco 2007: Costco 1975: Parents begging you to get your hair cut 2007: Children begging you to get their heads shaved 1975: Passing the drivers' test 2007: Passing the vision test 1975: Whatever 2007: Depends
                              Oh ... how true .... .... Confused Neil Smile

                              Running ... just keep running!
                              Fancy a holiday running in the French Alps?


                              Go Pre!

                                Good one Trent!