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Official RA Joke Thread! (Read 4553 times)
Mtnchk1
Denver Marathon '08
 posted: 3/2/2008 at 9:01 PM
---40 Things you never hear in the South

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Dale who?
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not
safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of
biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll just have a salad.
15. I've got it all backed up via the RAID.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many trans-fat
grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. That's "Hee Haw," not The Learning Channel!!
05. They're my favorite college team - that's where I
got my Ph.D.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.
Remember that doing anything well is going to take longer than you think!! ~ Masters Group
Mtnchk1
Denver Marathon '08
 posted: 3/3/2008 at 1:05 AM
To Be 6 Again...



A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose
early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again??'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.
Remember that doing anything well is going to take longer than you think!! ~ Masters Group
Teresadfp
posted: 3/3/2008 at 2:14 AM
Q: What happened when the Texas A&M Aggie moved to Oklahoma?










A: The average IQ of both states was raised.

(You might have to be a U. of Texas grad to fully appreciate this joke.)
run4fun8910
posted: 3/3/2008 at 4:08 AM
okay. Here is one. Though you may need to be a parent to apprectiate it. It was told to me by a 4 year old. I thought it was hilarious. Then again I am easily entertained.

Want to hear a funny joke?

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Dirty Diapers.


Clowning around
Short term goal: 5K
Long term goal: half marathon.
Stay injury free.

Shawn
Marcus L S
Monkey Scratch
 posted: 3/3/2008 at 2:55 PM
Quote from Teresadfp on 3/3/2008 at 2:14 AM:
Q: What happened when the Texas A&M Aggie moved to Oklahoma?



A: The average IQ of both states was raised.

(You might have to be a U. of Texas grad to fully appreciate this joke.)


He he!!! Hook 'Em!!!!!

TEXAS FIGHT, TEXAS FIGHT, TEXAS FIGHT.
all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be

Obesity is a disease. Yes, a disease where nothing tastes bad...except salads.
Bonkin
Reboot
 posted: 3/3/2008 at 3:47 PM
Quote from run4fun8910 on 3/3/2008 at 4:08 AM:
okay. Here is one. Though you may need to be a parent to apprectiate it. It was told to me by a 4 year old. I thought it was hilarious. Then again I am easily entertained.


My daughter's favorite joke to tell is:

Q: What is the Easter Bunny's favorite restaurant?

A: IHOP!

She still laughs when she tells it.
Your monkey gives me the creeps. - andahuff
Run To Win
Blaine Moore
 posted: 3/5/2008 at 4:14 PM
How to become a vice-president of the world-bank.

Father : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"

Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. "
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing,You can get Anything. But your ATTITUDE should be positive
Run to Win
I just started using Twitter - anybody else on there? http://twitter.com/RunToWin
zoom-zoom
Registered for #2
 posted: 3/5/2008 at 4:18 PM
Quote from run4fun8910 on 3/3/2008 at 4:08 AM:
okay. Here is one. Though you may need to be a parent to apprectiate it. It was told to me by a 4 year old. I thought it was hilarious. Then again I am easily entertained.


When DS was 3 or 4 he told his first joke. I went like this....

Dane: knock-knock
us: who's there?
Dane: coffee
us: coffee who?
Dane: bwahahahaha *falls on floor laughing*
Kirsten
'07: 1324.5 mi
'08: 1561 mi
...

• Ladies Locker Room •

.: 2009 Goals :.
• Run 1750 miles
• 2 marathons (May - Bayshore, Fall - ?)
• PRs: 5k ~ 15k ~ 25k? ~ HM ~ 26.2
• 1st trail relay (North Country)
Bonkin
Reboot
 posted: 3/12/2008 at 3:55 PM
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked:
"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded:
"Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned.

Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied:
"Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said:

"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."
Your monkey gives me the creeps. - andahuff
mebeingme
posted: 3/12/2008 at 5:25 PM
haahahahaha - love it!!
Neil Gunn
Gandalf the Grey
 posted: 3/12/2008 at 6:13 PM
modified: 3/12/2008 at 6:29 PM
Check this out ... badly named websites....

http://www.atdotdash.com/?p=38

You have to smile...

Smile
Running ... just keep running!
My Website
zoom-zoom
Registered for #2
 posted: 3/12/2008 at 6:32 PM
Quote from Neil Gunn on 3/12/2008 at 6:13 PM:
Check this out ... badly named websites....

http://www.atdotdash.com/?p=38

You have to smile...

Smile


Neil...you have to wonder if the people in charge of registering those domains actually LOOKED at what they were registering! Shocked
Kirsten
'07: 1324.5 mi
'08: 1561 mi
...

• Ladies Locker Room •

.: 2009 Goals :.
• Run 1750 miles
• 2 marathons (May - Bayshore, Fall - ?)
• PRs: 5k ~ 15k ~ 25k? ~ HM ~ 26.2
• 1st trail relay (North Country)
jEfFgObLuE
Frustrating Project
 posted: 3/12/2008 at 6:37 PM
Experts Exchange added a dash to make their primary URL www.experts-exchange.com. Good move.

All of those remind of The Penis Mightier
20th Century: 800m: 2:04 |1600m: 4:37 |3200m: 10:06 |5k: 16:23 |10k: 35:38 |15k: 54:20
25k: 1:35:59

21st Century: 5k: 19:42 |10k: 43:00

"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly, and they use too much vermouth."
Steve Allen

Oswald acted alone.
PowerOfQ
Line of Eld
 posted: 3/12/2008 at 6:57 PM
Quote from jEfFgObLuE on 3/12/2008 at 6:37 PM:
Experts Exchange added a dash to make their primary URL www.experts-exchange.com. Good move.

All of those remind of The Penis Mightier


and again I say:

SCREW YOU, TREBEK!
The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.
zoom-zoom
Registered for #2
 posted: 3/12/2008 at 6:58 PM
The Rapists for $200, Alex
or
Swords...for $400. Evil grin
Kirsten
'07: 1324.5 mi
'08: 1561 mi
...

• Ladies Locker Room •

.: 2009 Goals :.
• Run 1750 miles
• 2 marathons (May - Bayshore, Fall - ?)
• PRs: 5k ~ 15k ~ 25k? ~ HM ~ 26.2
• 1st trail relay (North Country)


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