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| Official RA Joke Thread! (Read 4305 times) |
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posted: 5/24/2008 at 8:02 PM |
One day, Joe, Bob and Dave were hiking in a wilderness area when they came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.
Joe prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river."
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, although he almost drowned a couple of times.
Seeing this, Dave prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river."Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
Bob had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools, and the intelligence, to cross this river."
Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.
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Run until the trail runs out
2008 TARGET 150 MONTH
2009 TARGET 40/40 |
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posted: 5/29/2008 at 3:03 AM |
What's round on both ends and high in the middle?
OHIO |
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posted: 5/29/2008 at 4:36 PM |
Did you hear about the guy who had 5 penises (peni? pene?)
His pants fit him like a glove!!  |
| What is to give light must endure burning.
~ Viktor Frankl |
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New 1st Dan WTF TKD! |
posted: 6/25/2008 at 11:47 AM |
These are from ArcaMax publishing:
Fire Engine
As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.
Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.
In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine, "If that's the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice creams!"
Shaping Up for a Good Excuse
This Policeman pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the officer replied.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the policeman said, starting to get annoyed. With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said,
"Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
The Older Golfer
"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went."
"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot."
Anyone for a Cigar
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!"
"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"
"No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court."
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!"
Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."
"But I did send them.", replied the man.
"What?" shouted the lawyer?
"I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."
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Raleigh, NC group//Martial Artist Runners//
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posted: 6/25/2008 at 12:04 PM |
The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell?
Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet.'
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee'.
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture ..
there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...
every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
'Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved!
Eet EES a bacon tree!'
'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?;
We ees in the Desert don't forget.'
'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage
that smeell like bacon...ees no meerage,
ees a bacon tree'.
And with that ...Luis races toward the tree.
He gets to within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.
It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
'Pepe...go back man,you was right.ees not a bacon tree.'
'Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it?
'Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...
Ees..........
Ees...
Ees.........
Ees....
... Eees a Ham Bush
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| 24hrs 100miles £10,000 |
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| view log Lord of the Manor |
posted: 6/25/2008 at 2:46 PM |
There are 2 muffins in an oven.
One muffin says to the other "Holy shit, it's hot in here"
The other muffin replies, "Holy shit, a talking muffin!" |
| Roads, where we're going we don't need any....roads. |
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| view log Runs With Snowplows |
posted: 6/25/2008 at 2:54 PM |
| Quote from Purdey on 6/25/2008 at 12:04 PM: ... Eees a Ham Bush
Man, I LOVE a good pun! |
Kirsten
• Ladies Locker Room •
.: 2008 Goals :.
• Run 1500 miles
• October 5 - 1st marathon - Milwaukee Lakefront - in my home state of WI
• PRs: 5k ~ 15k ~ 25k
• 1st trail race |
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posted: 6/25/2008 at 4:04 PM |
| Funny - although if my son hadn't just finished Alg. 2, I wouldn't have gotten the joke. |
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| view log Asahel |
posted: 6/27/2008 at 1:32 AM |
Think yo're so smart?
This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't.
These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2.
What famous North American landmark is constantly moving
backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold
frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'
THIS
IS PRETTY COOL
HAVE A GREAT DAY
Answers To Quiz:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends
Boxing
2. North American landmark constantly moving
backward . Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about
two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)
3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons .
.. Asparagus and rhubarb.
4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside .. . Strawberry.
5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.)
6. Three English words beginning with dw
Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.
7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar . Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh
Lettuce.
9.
Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S'
Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates,
snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
PLEASE DO YOUR
PART..... Today is National Mental Health Day. You can do your part by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person
Well, my job's done! |
Goal:weight to healthy range 220>>172 now (work in progress)
5K 27:14 June 28,2008- first race (3rd in age group)
5K NEW PR:25:30 - Aug 16, 2008
10K PR:56:53 Labor Day 2008 (First 10K race)
HM PR: April 19, 2009 Union Hospital New Philadelphia, Ohio
26.2 PR: maybe in 2 years? |
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posted: 6/27/2008 at 8:13 PM
modified: 6/27/2008 at 8:19 PM |
| *erased because it couldn't be deleted" |
My Masters (>50) Race PR's:
5K - 20:17
10K - 42:36
HM - 1:31:22
Marathon - 3:20:48 |
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posted: 6/27/2008 at 8:18 PM |
| Quote from slaptear2 on 6/27/2008 at 1:32 AM: Think yo're so smart?
This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't.
These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.
THIS
IS PRETTY COOL
HAVE A GREAT DAY
Answers To Quiz:
6. Three English words beginning with dw
Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.
Only a dweeb wouldn't know that...
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My Masters (>50) Race PR's:
5K - 20:17
10K - 42:36
HM - 1:31:22
Marathon - 3:20:48 |
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Lisa3.1 |
posted: 6/27/2008 at 8:32 PM |
| Quote from Pron8r on 6/27/2008 at 8:13 PM: *erased because it couldn't be deleted"
Isn't that the same meaning
What was it |
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posted: 6/27/2008 at 8:47 PM
modified: 6/27/2008 at 8:56 PM |
| Quote from Lisa3.1 on 6/27/2008 at 8:32 PM: Isn't that the same meaning
What was it
For some reason, my post was duplicated. Can't delete a post, so just erased it. If I could actually delete a post (as on other boards), then you wouldn't have seen it to begin with.
So no--not quite the same meaning.
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My Masters (>50) Race PR's:
5K - 20:17
10K - 42:36
HM - 1:31:22
Marathon - 3:20:48 |
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