RunningAHEAD - Topic: Official RA Joke Thread!

Official RA Joke Thread! (Read 4553 times)

Lisa3.1	posted: 6/27/2008 at 8:59 PM
	Quote from Pron8r on 6/27/2008 at 8:47 PM: For some reason, my post was duplicated. Can't delete a post, so just erased it. If I could actually delete a post (as on other boards), then you wouldn't have seen it to begin with. So no--not quite the same meaning. That makes sense. Got it.

backstretch

view log

posted: 6/29/2008 at 12:28 AM

the virgin joke

virgin girl is on the phone and asks her boyfriend to come

over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."

* * * * * * * * *

Run To Win view log Blaine Moore	posted: 6/30/2008 at 6:58 PM
	A boy asks his Grandma: "Grandma, have you seen my pills?, they were labeled LSD..." His Grandma replies: "Pills?!?! Who cares about pills? Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen!?"
	Run to Win I just started using Twitter - anybody else on there? http://twitter.com/RunToWin

slaptear2 view log Inventory SUKS !!	posted: 7/4/2008 at 2:36 AM
	BUMP
	2009 GOALS that I WILL ACHIEVE Goal:weight to healthy range 220>>171 now (160 goal in progress) Run 1st HM April 19, 2009 Union Hospital New Philadelphia, Ohio Run 2nd HM Akron Sept 2009 Run more 5K's and 10k races and beat my slow PR's 26.2 : in 2010- Akron Run at least 25 MPW (1300 miles minimum)

wildchild view log	posted: 7/17/2008 at 6:07 PM
	I just found this thread (bored at work) and its great! Not sure if this one has been posted yet: Its Christmastime, and three guys find themselves at the pearly gates. St. Peter comes out to interview them. He says, "If you have something in your pocket that symbolizes Christmas, you can enter heaven." The first guy digs in his pockets and pulls out a lighter. He flicks it and says, "This is a candle." St. Peter lets him in through the gates. The second guy finds his car keys in his pocket. He jingles them and says, "These are bells." He, too, is allowed to enter. The third guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pair of ladies' panties. St. Peter looks shocked, and says, "What are those?" "These are Carol's."
	Carolyn

JakeKnight view log	posted: 7/17/2008 at 6:12 PM
	Quote from wildchild on 7/17/2008 at 6:07 PM: "These are Carol's." Ha. Nice. No comment on the serendipity of the name in your signature line. Although that got a ha, too.
	E-mail: JakeKnight2002@aol.com -----------------------------

jeffdonahue view log	posted: 7/17/2008 at 8:05 PM
	Okay, like everyone else - sorry if this has already been posted but this is such a long thread I'm not sure if I've read through all of it yet. -------------------------------------------------------------- A new doctor takes up residency in a hospital that specializes in sexual disorders. On his first day, he is walking down the hall getting a tour of the facility and he is appalled to see a man standing in the middle of the hallway masturbating. Everyone else seems to think there is nothing wrong with this, but he has to ask, so he turns to the doctor that is giving him his tour and asks "What is wrong with that guy?" "Oh, he has a rare condition called SOD - Semen Overload Disorder. His body produces semen at an alarming rate, unless he ejaculates twice an hour he will die." "Oh" the doctor says, and they continue down the hall. Around the next corner he is taken aback again by a patient in the middle of the hallway getting a blow job from a nurse. "And what is wrong with that guy?" he asks "Same condition, only he has a better health plan."
	"80% of success is showing up." ~ Woody Allen "Go that way... really fast. If something gets in your way... turn." ~ Charles DeMar God doesn't give you what you want. He gives you what you need, the rest is up to you.

Rundadrun27

view log

posted: 7/17/2008 at 8:08 PM

A man passed out on the beach in Miami for four hours, and got a horrible sunburn,
specifically to the front of his legs above his knees.
He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with
second-degree burns With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain
he was in, the doctor prescribed
continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra
pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the
sheets off his legs..

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated
conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is
galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

'Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more!.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this any more,

'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,' she retorted indignantly.

'In this country. We don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives.

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa
tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'.'

zoom-zoom view log Registered for #2	posted: 7/17/2008 at 10:49 PM
	Quote from Rundadrun27 on 7/17/2008 at 8:08 PM: I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'.' OMG...I think that might be the best punchline to a joke...EVER!
	Kirsten '07: 1324.5 mi '08: 1561 mi ... • Ladies Locker Room • .: 2009 Goals :. • Run 1750 miles • 2 marathons (May - Bayshore, Fall - ?) • PRs: 5k ~ 15k ~ 25k? ~ HM ~ 26.2 • 1st trail relay (North Country)

Rundadrun27

view log

posted: 7/19/2008 at 7:41 PM

A Scottish Student In England....
A student at an English university, by name of Donald MacDonald from
the Isle of Skye, was living in the hall of residence during his first year.
After he had been there for a month, his mother came to visit, no doubt
carrying reinforcements of oatmeal.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "They're such terrible noisy people! The one on that
side keeps banging his head against the wall, and won't stop. The one on
the other side screams and screams and screams away into the night!"
"Oh, Donald! How ever do you manage to put up with these awful noisy
English neighbours?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them! I just stay here quietly playing my bagpipes!"

HOSS1961 view log	posted: 7/22/2008 at 7:34 PM
	I am not sure if this one has been on yet but: A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him. "My name is Carmen", she told him. "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men." "What's your name?" she asked. He replied, "B.J.Titsengolf."
	HOSS 2008 Goals 2 marathons w/1 less than 3:45:00 2 HMw/1 less than 1:41:00 10k less than 46:00 - achieved 45:41 5k less than 22:00

HOSS1961 view log	posted: 7/22/2008 at 7:35 PM
	Another... NEW JOB OUTSOURCING I was depressed last night, so I called Lifeline. Got a call center in Pakistan I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck!!!!!!
	HOSS 2008 Goals 2 marathons w/1 less than 3:45:00 2 HMw/1 less than 1:41:00 10k less than 46:00 - achieved 45:41 5k less than 22:00

HOSS1961 view log	posted: 7/22/2008 at 7:37 PM
	Rolling now... A man from Kentucky walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to London on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Kentucky man handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The man produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest. Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it. Two weeks later, the Kentucky man returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?' The Kentucky man replied, 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?' Ah, those Silly Kentucky Rednecks; this one's name was BUBBA!
	HOSS 2008 Goals 2 marathons w/1 less than 3:45:00 2 HMw/1 less than 1:41:00 10k less than 46:00 - achieved 45:41 5k less than 22:00

Purdey view log 2012?	posted: 7/24/2008 at 3:46 PM
	Quote from HOSS1961 on 7/22/2008 at 7:35 PM: Another... NEW JOB OUTSOURCING I was depressed last night, so I called Lifeline. Got a call center in Pakistan I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck!!!!!! Sorry dude. Not appreciated.
	24hrs 100miles £10,000

Run To Win view log Blaine Moore	posted: 7/25/2008 at 1:41 PM
	A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?" He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. "So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she."
	Run to Win I just started using Twitter - anybody else on there? http://twitter.com/RunToWin

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