| view log Monkey Scratch |
posted: 5/30/2008 at 7:50 PM
modified: 5/30/2008 at 7:50 PM |
I will share this only to illustrate that I know how you feel right now:
I was stricken with a horrible, painful illness during law school (of all time) that ended up turning me into a physically addicted narcotics addict. I know what it feels like to think you're never going to get better because all of the treatments are failing. I have been there. I was in my early 30's and was probably closer to death than I realized at the time.
But for whatever reason I never gave up. I did have to take one semester off just to get my health back in order and it did happen but it took time. Getting over the narcotic addiction is a whole other story, but all in all it took me at least one full year before I felt normal again once the illness subsided. I was, however, forever changed.
During this 18 month ordeal I put on a lot of weight and went from being an Ironman triathlete in 1999 to being a sick lump that wasn't capable of doing much in 2003-2004. My weight skyrocketed to about 210 pounds and I was so stoned on painkillers that those 18 months are a blur. I do not remember even being in law school for the two semesters I was high every day.
I have no idea how the hell I took notes, participated in class, and passed final exams. I will admit there were times during this ordeal that suicide was contemplated because it appeared to me that I was on the long slide downward and I never thought I would be healthy again.
But, I did recover. I am not a religious person, but somehow I got through that. One year after my illness subsided (although I was still left to deal with the drug addiction) I started working out again. 6 months and an eating disorder later, I was down to 160 lbs and had regained my self-confidence, but more importantly my health (relatively speaking). A few months after that I met my now wife and knew from the beginning I had found the person I was destined to be with. In a weird way I think I had to go through that misery to learn to appreciate things in life ordinarily taken for granted such as health and family.
My wife wouldn't have loved the person I was before that trip, so if enduring that ordeal was the price I had to pay to be the right person for her, well it was worth it. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and we all have our struggles to deal with in life.
You're not alone. You will get through this if you refuse to give up as I did. You undoubtedly have tremendous inner strength you're not aware of, so tap into it and pull out of this. You know you can.
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all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be
Obesity is a disease. Yes, a disease where nothing tastes bad...except salads. |
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