Since we're doing grammar. That's an incorrect usage of the term "brat." A brat is the child of a career military person. If Scout was the child of a career soldier, he has not mentioned it. He has, to my notice, only mentioned his own military service. Hippie. That's how a bourgeois warrior know-it-all rolls.

VO2 Max doesn't mean anything It's an oft-used and little understood term used by grad students to justify to their parents that their efforts and money have not gone to waste. University administrators have been duped by this sciolistic fog-machine, as well. How else could the waste of valuable resources, time and money, be covered-up with impunity? Parents and other intelligent, rational thinking adults could not possibly decipher this code. Do not try to yourself. You'll only make yourself look foolish reciting the catechism of the exercise-physio-geeks. This nascent science of exercise physiology was born out of a failed genetics experiment in the early 60s; the breeding of an economist and a sociologist. The offspring from this pairing would say more and mean less than the combined blather of the two parents put together. Common sense would have told us how this experiment would have ended, but stubborn researchers pushed ahead, nonetheless. The only numbers that matter are the ones that you receive at the end of the race. The most important of these is called PLACE, and is represented as an ordinal. A '1' is the best indicator of your performance. If you get a '1' then you've done excellent. It's no small coincidence that '1' is a homophone for 'won'. Other excellent numbers to receive are '2' and '3'. Not nearly as good as a '1', but by tradition and convention the numbers '1', '2' and '3' are deemed to be the 'supreme ordinals'; that is to say, worthy of gold, silver and bronze, and are segregated from the other ordinals. The rest of the ordinals are represented by the formula: n + 1...(to infinity). There is a direct, inverse relationship between ordinal value and its worth. The closer to the supreme ordinals, the better you've done, the closer to infinity, the worse you've done. One of the other numbers that matters much more than VO2 Max is TIME. TIME is always secondary to PLACE in it's value. Neither PLACE nor TIME are given in the gerbil-wheel lab tests conducted by the exercise-physio-geeks. You will only receive them in the experiment that the real experts call COMPETITION. TIME does not supersede PLACE, but it is a way of comparing the PLACE of two or more experiments from different venues and eras. The juxtaposition of TIME and PLACE is the business of track statisticians, who, by the way, are also the progeny from the aforementioned failed genetics experiment. Long ago, TIME was measured as a fraction of the earth's rotation in base 60: hours, minutes and seconds. It's still expressed as such, however, the predecessors to the exercise-physio-geeks have determined that TIME should now be measured in terms of the vibration frequency of irradiated Cesium atoms. Your watch has quartz crystals in it that will simulate this experiment for you (without the attendant radiation and disposal problems) and convert the results automatically, presenting them to you in the form of easily recognizable numerical glyphs. No complicated formulae to memorize! Physicists have proven, through complex mathematical machinations, that it is physically impossible for VO2Max to supersede either TIME or PLACE in value. Physicist Richard Feynman once said, "VO2Max and five bucks will get you a cup of joe at Starbucks." So far, in the history of sports, not one award has been given, nor has there ever been remuneration for VO2Max results. There are many other factors that are much more indicative of athletic performance, or the potential for performance, than VO2 max. I couldn't possibly begin to list them all: height, weight, hair color, skin color, shoe size, favorite TV show...the list is endless. 92.5 Greg LeMond, professional cyclist 92.0 Matt Carpenter, Pikes Peak marathon course record holder 91.0 Harri Kirvesniem, Finnish cross country skier 90.0 Bjørn Dæhlie, Norwegian cross country skier 88.0 Miguel Indurain, professional cyclist 87.4 Marius Bakken, Norwegian 5k record holder 85.0 Dave Bedford, 10k world record 85.0 John Ngugi World XC Champion 84.4 Steve Prefontaine,US runner 84.3 "Physiologist in training," 15:12/30:55 runner 84.0 Lance Armstrong, professional cyclist 82.7 Gary Tuttle, US runner 82.0 Kip Keino, Olympic 1500 champion 81.1 Craig Virgin, twice World cross country champ 81.0 Jim Ryun, US miler WR holder 80.1 Steve Scott, US miler 3:47 79.4 "Runningart2004," 15:43 5k runner 78.6 Joan Benoit, 1984 Olympic Marathon Champion 78.5 Bill Rodgers, 2:09:27 marathoner 77.4 Don Kardong, 2:11:15 marathoner 77.0 Sebastian Coe. WR mile, 1500 76.6 John Landy, WR miler 76.0 Alberto Salazar, 2:08:51 marathoner 74.3 Amby Burfoot, US marathoner 74.4 Johnny Halberstadt, 2:11:44 marathoner 74.2 Kenny Moore, US marathoner 2:11:36 73.5 Grete Waitz, Norwegian Marathon runner 73.3 Bruce Fordyce ultramarathoner 73.0 Jeff Galloway, US snake oil salesman 73.0 Buddy Edelen, 2:14:28 world record marathoner (1963) 72.8 Jarmila Krotochvilova,Czech Olympian 400M/800M winner 72.3 Peter Snell, Olympic champion 72.0 Zithulele Sinqe, 2:08:05 marathoner 71.3 Frank Shorter, US Olympic Marathon winner 71.2 Ingrid Kristiansen, ex-Marathon World Record Holder 71.0 Paula Ivan, Russian Olympic 1500M Record Holder 70.3 Willie Mtolo, 2:08:15 marathoner 69.7 Derek Clayton, Australian ex-Marathon World Record holder 2:08:35 67.2 Rosa Mota, Marathon runner ---------------------------------------- RUNNING PREDICTS RUNNING BETTER THAN PHYSIOLOGY Noakes, T. D., Myburgh, K. H., & Schall, R. (1990). Peak treadmill running velocity during VO2max test predicts running performance. Journal of Sports Sciences, 8, 35-45. Marathon runners (N = 20) and ultra-marathoners (N = 23) were tested for VO2max, peak treadmill running velocity, velocity at lactate turnpoint, and VO2 at 16 km/h using an incremental (1 min) treadmill test. Results. Race times at 10, 21.1, and 42.2 km of the specialist marathoners were faster than those of the ultra-marathoners, however, only the 10 km time differed significantly. Lactate turnpoint occurred at 77.4% of VO2max and at 74.7% of peak treadmill velocity. The average VO2 at 16 km/h was 51.2 ml/kg/min which represented 78.5% of VO2max. For all distances, performance time in other races was the best predictor of performance (r = .95 to .98). The best laboratory predictors were: (a) peak treadmill running velocity (r = -.89 to -.94); (b) running velocity at lactate turnpoint (r = -.91 to -.93); and (c) fractional use of VO2max at 16 km/h (r = .86 to .90). The predictive value of the lactate turnpoint measure increased as the distance increased. The poorest predictors were: VO2max (r = -.55 to -.81) and VO2 at 16 km/h (r = .40 to .45). Conclusion. There may be no unique physiological characteristics that distinguish elite long-distance (10 km or longer) runners as is often promoted. Other factors determine success in high level sports among exclusive groups of superior athletes. Implication. Running performance is the best predictor of running capability in elite long-distance runners. Physiological laboratory testing gives less information than does actual performance. Even the fastest speed of running on the treadmill is a better predictor than any physiological measure. This suggests that for at least endurance-dominated sports, actual performances in a variety of performance-specific situations will give more useful information than that which can be obtained in any physiology laboratory test. ------------------------------------------ As I've said in the satire above, "VO2 max doesn't mean anything."

Now we are TALKIN', sister!

Phew that was close. Another one saved from the dark side...