I ran a marathon last Sunday, May 11th. It was my 14th marathon since I started running them, 4 years ago. It sucked. You can skip to the finish time if you want, but I'm going to make it hard for you to do this by hiding the number in a mass of boring text just to force you to read the whole darn thing. Because I'm cruel like that. 

Let's start with something random, a painting of the St John River, New Brunswick, 1909, unknown artist. 

THE RACE AND THE COURSE

The Fredericton Marathon is a small and friendly marathon in New Brunswick, which also has a 5k, 10k and HM, all with the same start time. The course utilises a local trail and a couple of walking wooden bridges. It is a little tricky in that there are different directions for all racers to follow. First, we all run 4 km in the city. Then, 5K runners turn right, all other distances must turn left onto a wooden bridge and then, on a gravel path that cuts through lovely woods, along a babbling river. After a few kilometres, the 10k runners must turn around some orange cones and head back to the start/finish line. HM and marathon runners must continue a few more miles, to another turnaround point, the HM turnaround. Then we all head back to the start line. Half-marathon runners enter the chute for their finish, while marathon runners must keep on going, around a local ball park first, and then, head back for a second loop on the bridge and gravel path. But this time, the turnaround isn't the same as for the first loop. It is at a third point further down the trail. There is no timing mat anywhere along the trail, and at that moment, late into the race, fewer people are left on the course. Really, I wouldn't be surprised if some people, by accident or not, had turned at the wrong point, thus saving themselves from running three or more miles... But more on that later... It is a beautiful trail which smells of spicy underwood. The river is refreshing to look at and the volunteers and local crowd are just great. I cannot emphasise that enough. Fredericton is also one of my most favourite small towns in the world and the capital of New Brunswick. It has beautiful architecture and lots of history. Well worth a trip.

THE GOAL

My story will just be blah blah to you, but to me, it is real (though not sad, don't worry ). I was injured last summer and did not run for two months. I returned to running in August and ran Chicago on a foot that was still sore and 9 weeks of training. I finished 8 minutes slower than my PR, but I considered it okay under the circumstances. Then I ran another marathon in Negril, Jamaica, 6 weeks later. It had a feel like temperature of over 100F and I finished 18 minutes slower than my PR. Again, I reminded myself of the conditions and forgave myself for my dismal finish time. But this time around, I was hungry for something faster. For this winter training cycle, I was going to train big and I was going to smash my PR on a flatter course. Of course, by "smash", I only mean a 2 or 3 minute PR. Because I run a lot of marathons, it would be unrealistic to expect 15-20 minute PRs. A sub-3:25 was my goal, which is BQ -30 minutes for me.

THE TRAINING

What is wrong with me? I can read and I am reasonably intelligent, so why can't I follow a stupid training plan from a book? A plan I had done successfully last spring... I chose once again the Pfitz 18/85 and I started in January, full of optimism and energy. I was getting all my miles in, hitting my paces and doing all the LRs. This went on for 13 weeks and then something happened. My paces slowed down and I lost the desire to train. Why?

These are my thoughts on what happened, but I could be wrong.

1) I was running all my LRs too fast. Remember, 7:47/7:50 was my goal pace. Some of my slower LRs were run around 8:20 pace. The many faster ones were done all at marathon pace, between 7:45 and 8:00... And I did a great number of them. Two 18 milers, one 19 miler, four 20s, two 22s and one 24. Why did I do this? Because I could and it felt good. Running 22 and 24 miles on a TM is mentally gruelling. With a challenge at hand and the need to focus on pace, time flies much faster. Also, the desire to complete something good (good for me), even if just in training, helps with the task. That is the reason why I sometimes train too fast for my own good.

2) I was also obsessed with adding more tempo miles than the plan was calling for. If I had 5 miles to do at 15k pace, I would run 10 of them, thus turning the workout into a 10 mile time trial. Again, I made that mistake way too often. I ran three or four fast (for me) 10 milers and two fast 13.1 milers. Also a 10k later in the cycle. But by then, my paces had started to greatly suffer. Instead of improving, I was getting slower.

3) This is more on a personal level, but it could have affected me in some way, I'm not sure. My sister went through two surgeries this winter to combat cancer. She would call me two or three times a week, after I was finished my day at work, and we would talk for two or three hours each time. For some reason, this would completely drain me and I would have to skip my evening run. To catch up the lost miles, I would then add 5 miles to the next day's 10 miler, making it 15, and do two workouts (2x10 miles) on Saturdays, before my LRs on Sundays. Instead of running 80 miles spread on 7 days, I was running 80 miles on 5, or sometimes 4, days. I think it did me in. But I would do it again (the phone calls, I mean), of course. I think I needed to talk to my little sister as much as she needed to talk to me. It just made training a bit more complicated for me.

I noticed that things were starting to look not so good the week after I ran a 20 miler at 7:46 pace (so basically all MP), as part of a 75 mile week. The week before that, I had run a 13.1 mile run which, essentially, was at my true HM pace at that moment, and with no taper or recovery. After the 20 mile LR, I lost motivation. I was tired. I was looking at the TM with disgust and almost fear. Yes, fear. I started skipping more runs, but for no reason. I went from good weeks of 75-85 miles, to weeks of barely 60 miles. They were unfortunately my last weeks prior to taper, and as such, important weeks. But I was burned and couldn't do anything about it. I allowed myself to rest, but honestly, the flame never did return to me, it was too late. I knew I would have to adjust my goal for my upcoming race. I did however manage to average 65 mpw over 18 weeks of training. Not the 73 mpw that the plan called for, but not so shabby either. I still felt like a loser though, solely for not being able to keep up with the damn plan.

Strangely, though my speedwork had become less than impressive and my intervals sucked, my LR pace was still holding well. So, of course, I thought it would be a moral boost for me to run my last long run before marathon day, a 17 miler, at 7:42 pace. Faster by 7 seconds than my initial, and now unrealistic, goal. What the f*ck is wrong with me? Why do I do that? I just make the same mistakes OVER AND OVER AND OVER. ALWAYS. Anyway, I'm just all kinds of dumb when it comes to running, I now know that.

Proof of my dumbness, me looking dumb...

And now me looking like a dumb kangaroo

What the heck is going on with my left foot? Stupid left foot... And see that dumb smile on my face? Good Lord, woman...

THE RACE

What follows is NOT a bunch of excuses. I fully admit that the main reason why I did not do well in this race is because of my faulty training and, as always, my ridiculously out of pace first miles. I think I really need to run with someone to race well. That is the only way I can pace myself over the course of 26.2 miles (I do better in HMs).

I think there were about 2.000 of us that morning at 8 a.m., waiting in the fog and humidity, already feeling the warmth of that first beautiful and sunny summer day in Fredericton. It was about 57F at the start and, within an hour or two, it would go up to 65 and continue climbing all the way up to 70F. Like many of you, I had trained over the winter and had grown used to much cooler temperatures. Although I train in my garage, it is not heated, and most days there were around 30F. Running in the 60s was suddenly a little shock to me, though I've had much worse in the past and I did much better then. So I can't blame the warm day for all my suckiness. But maybe I did lose 2 or 3 minutes, as opposed to a race on a cooler day of 40-50F. Who knows... All I know is that it felt hot for me that day, but like I said, I had done better in worse temps in the past. Simply put, I wasn't at my best.

Sweating like a pig...

I had told myself that I would not worry about my garmin and that I would run the first miles by feel. That didn't work well for me... I ran the first mile trapped in the crowd and felt I was running like a turtle, when in fact, I finished that first mile right where I wanted to be, at 7:55 mpm. But I didn't know that. Once I was able to get some space around me, I sped up, thinking that I had to find my goal pace (8:00 mpm, for a 3:30 finish time). Unfortunately, and stupidly, I ran a series of 7:40 miles. It didn't feel fast at the time, but I can't trust myself when it comes to paces. So I ran the first 8 miles too fast...

"I'm late / I'm late / For a very important date. / No time to say "Hello, Goodbye". / I'm late, I'm late, I'm late." You got that right, white rabbit...

Okay, here, some of you, sensitive people, will cringe.  You see, I was having that "time of the month". It wasn't giving me pain or anything like that, but for some reason, it always affects my digestive and intestinal systems. In training, it's no big deal. In a race, it's different. I thought I had carefully taken care of business the night before and early in the morning, but apparently, there is always more of it in us. I was suddenly attacked by cramps at mile 8 and I had to quickly locate a porta-potty and make my way to it. When I started running again, my garmin indicated 10:30 pace for that last mile. I had just lost about 2 minutes and a half. I shrugged... Nothing I could have done about it. I had taken all the necessary precautions, it wasn't my fault. On 14 marathons, this was only the third time it happened. Luckily, it wasn't Boston... I continued, but soon realized that my running was starting to suffer. I was holding on to about 8:00 pace, still goal pace, but with too much effort. I've done enough marathons to know that you're not supposed to be hanging on at the 10th mile... By mile 15, I was off pace already.

At mile 19, ANOTHER attack of the bowels! GODDAMMIT! I had only had a bagel that morning, I swear... Not like I had devoured bacon and eggs and French toasts drowned in maple syrup... GRRRR... I ran to the nearest porta-potty, softly swearing between my teeth and shaking my head at the idea that I was so full of it, and I did what needed to be done. But this time, I took my time, washed my hands, blew my nose and wiped my face clean of sweat. I just didn't care about my finish time anymore. 11:30 was how long that porta-potty mile was. With this, the whole thing had just become a glorified LR to me, nothing more. I was still enjoying the day, though, trying to be philosophical about the whole thing, rather than bitter. And why not? Here I was, running on a beautiful trail, on my first real summer day, on my way to a three-forty-two-thirty-nine marathon, BQ -12 minutes, alongside friendly runners, and being cheered by generous volunteers and spectators. My SO was waiting for me at the finish. We would go to a pub after and share a pitcher of sangria. And I had met the beautiful Beth three times already on the course and she was like a pink vision of cheerfulness and everything healthy and happy in life. How could I not be happy myself on that day? I was totally happy and to hell with goals. Sometimes, less goals and more fun is advisable. That's what I told myself. As you say in English, when given lemons, make lemonade. Or something like that...

I was approaching the finish line when I noticed my SO on the side who was yelling my name and telling me to "GO, GO, GO, JULIE!" Poor darling... he knew I had totally blown this thing and he didn't know what mood I would be in at the finish line.  I started laughing and picked up the pace as much as I could (which wasn't a lot, probably) and he ran beside me until I entered the chute. He's such a patient sweetheart.  Got my medal and still held my head proudly, despite having just run my 6th worst time in 14 marathons. I was proud mainly because I did not drop out of the race. This has happened to me twice in the past, during HMs. The fear of not reaching certain goals made me give up entirely. This time, I finished. It wasn't glorious. It wasn't even painful, or difficult. It was just one of those shitty races (pardon the pun), after a disappointing training cycle. It happens, right?

Less than a kilometre to the finish line and looking incoherent and demented, as usual... Like a happy zombie high on some drug.

We went back to the hotel. I bathed, changed and walked back to the finish line, which was conveniently only two blocks away. I looked for the lovely Beth and her husband, but did not see them. So I looked at the printed finish times which were up and saw that she had fared much better than me and had finished only a few minutes off of her PR, unlike me. That is the difference between a smart runner and a stupid one.  Beth had looked for me after she had finished, but she had to drive home with her family and couldn't wait too long and so we missed each other. But I will be back in her area, because it really is an amazing place for a race and/or vacation. And I really want to meet her and her family. :-)

FINAL NUMBERS

Like I said in the intro, I'm not telling you my finish time here. Think of it as a "Where's Waldo" and look for it in the massive drivel above.  But I can tell you that it was a BQ, my 14th. I'm going to make it to 25, even it it means mostly slower finish times for me. It sounds pretentious to say "my 25 BQs" and that is why I will do it. I cannot manage to be pretentious about anything in my life, because I'm not good at anything. So if BQing is the only thing for me, hey... I'll take it. 

I finished 5th in my AG, on 32. The 4th woman finished one minute before me and the third woman two minutes before me. Without the two stupid porta-potty breaks which cost me a total of 5 minutes, I would have finished 3rd in my AG. Interestingly enough, I ran the 13th and 14th miles behind the number 2 woman in my AG, who was also number 2 woman in the whole race. She seemed to be fading at that point, at mile 14-15, when I saw her (just like I was, admittedly). She had crossed the half point a few seconds behind me, in 1:46:31. Apparently, she went on to run the last 11 or 12 miles at a pace faster than 6:50 per mile, to finish in 3:16. Hmmm.... I lost track of her on the course, but honestly, I have no memory of her ever passing me. I just find it very strange and I wonder if she didn't take the wrong turn during the second loop, thus saving herself from running 3-4 more miles... I am tempted to write the race director, but I feel cheap to even consider it. What if she races this way? What if there was a valid reason to explain why she ran such a huge negative split in the rising heat? Anyway, I'm still debating the matter in my head... The female winner of the race was also in my AG (effing crazy old stubborn women...) and is a running star in New Brunswick. Paula Keating, 47, finished 3rd overall in 2:53:54. She finished 14th woman in Boston in 2012, in a time of 2:48:58 and she even won the women's marathon in Detroit, in 2010, in 2:52:14. Goddamn Canadians have no respect for anything... 

Okay, I'm done. Good luck finding my time! :-) And thank you so much for putting up with my antics here. This community, all of you, is what keeps me going, it really is. And I have learned a lot through running.  Though I still don't know much about running itself. 

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This was really long and I read every last word. I don't know if I should say sorry or good for you for making lemonade. You will bounce back from this and train smarter. Congrats on another BQ.

Vancouver next May?

All I could think about as I read the report was

"Fredericton is a mighty good town, they never turn the maple leaf upside down!
Here's to Fredericton in the land we love"

  I know that in the long run you'll be happy 

ISWYDT.

Julie, thanks for writing this, I hoped you would. We all learn a lot from each other's races, the good & the bad.  I was pretty sure you would write it even after you told us it was a suck-fest, since I remembered your DNF report. And I cringed about the double poop stop when you first wrote about it in the dailies, that is of course every marathoner's nightmare worst-case scenario. Sorry it turned out so rough for you, but congrats on keeping the BQ streak going. And I read every word of the report so I did find Waldo, of course many of us would be ecstatic with that finish time.

In any case, I guess this must be what they call a severe case of overtraining. And presumably the reason that is such a problem is not just that you are wearing yourself out physically, but mentally as well (made worse by the situation with your sister). Which is even more damaging, because you can train for & run marathons with some physical ailments, but you can't really do any of this if you've lost motivation.

OK, enough with the amateur psychology. Despite all your self-deprecating comments and humblebraggery, you are still one of my running idols. I aspire to have half of your dedication...because that is probably just about the right amount.

What a creative way of reporting your finish time! And perhaps a little devious to entice us to read your entire report instead of skimming it for times and paces. A few of the smiles look like they may be forced or grimaces instead, but you still manage to look great. Hey, you are learning from running. It's keeping you healthy (mostly), and giving you a justification for traveling to great places and meeting great people. I think I may adopt that attitude.

I enjoyed reading your report. Great pics and very entertaining.  Sorry your race wasn't what you hoped.

 

A couple things...

I can definitely see why your training killed you.  We run similar paces and those fast long runs you mentioned would destroy me.  Especially on top of a high week.  And I think once you reach the point of over-doing it, it's hard to recover from and be fresh for the race.

 

I understand the temptation to try to push things in training... I do it myself. And while I'm doing it, I think to myself, you're being really stupid right now running this run too fast. But I can't seem to stop myself. So I get it, I really do.  

 

I would really like to see you use something other than Pfitz for your next race. You've been using Pfitz for so long, I really think that switching things up would be just what you need to smash your PR at the next race. I know, it's not my place to offer advice - you're a much more experienced runner than I am but I really think it would do you well.  (You can tell me to shut up and mind my own business now).

 

Anyway, not many people can have a bad day with TWO potty stops and still manage to BQ.  Congrats on #14.

I agree with every word of this though my "fast" is a lot different that both of your "fasts".  I am making it my mission this cycle to run my easy runs EASY.  I agree that it might be time to change things up but will leave it to people wiser than me to recommend which plan they think would get you to where you want to be. I have so much admiration for your ability to work so hard yet not fall apart when you realize it is just not your day.  I will try to borrow that attitude from you and carry it with me.  You are such a strong runner that I feel sure you will achieve your sub 3:25 with the right cycle.

i read every word and caught your time the first time through. I always appreciate how honest your race reports are. I always have to fight being Mary Sunshine in mine. Congratulations on another BQ!

Congrats, even though it didn't go as planned you enjoyed it.

Lily congrats on another in your consecutive string of BQ's. So impressive. As is the way you

can run so fast while still looking so fantastic.

Paula Keating is simply amazing. I think she has 5 or 6 sub 3 fulls now. Only started running age 40 and

a practicing full time physician with a child. We certainly are proud of our local girl.

I was so disappointed we missed speaking again (same race 2 years ago for readers) but we need to do

a race in QC someday and we visit Ottawa to see our son several times a year, so perhaps there. Or possibly

PEI this fall? You can't avoid me forever. Or an international marathon trip together with our spouses?

I did enjoy seeing you on the course. Did you notice we met on the bridges each time?

Since you covered the course description, how great I looked and how warm it got I don't have to do RR now!