I ran my 3rd half marathon today.  It was also my personal worst by 10 minutes.  But I did want to write a report to analyze a bit of what happened.  With that said, I know that google translate for runners translates all race excuses as "I went out too fast", so clearly today I went out too fast considering the conditions.

Training: I followed Pfitz's HM plan "B", and training itself went really well.  However, I came up pretty flat in both of my tuneup races.  Then I'd be right back turning in good workouts afterwards.  But I will say that I've had really terrible GI issues during this training cycle.  I don't usually post about them because TMI, but it's been much worse than usual lately.  I actually went to my doctor about 6 weeks ago to see if I could do anything that would help, but she thought it was just the result of some antibiotics I took in Dec., ordered a few tests, and then never really followed up.  I didn't follow up either, though, I guess.

Race weekend: I was out of town until last night at my daughter's robotics tournament.  My friend E, who I'd done a lot of my training with, picked up my packet for me and brought it over when we got back.

Raceday: It was hot and sunny from the beginning!  Well, hot considering that we've been training in the 40's and below for most of the spring, and it was even colder in the winter!  It was in the mid-50's for the start (9:30 AM, what were they thinking?), and the upper 60's by the time I finished.  Not hot for most of you, I'm sure.  But much much hotter than what we've been running in, especially with the full sun.  I shortened my warmup as a result, just ran 1.4 with a few strides at the end instead of my usual 2.

Start: I was feeling really nervous at the beginning.  Like, wondering if I could do this at all.   But the running itself felt fine.  I started too far back and was working my way up as I found holes.  At the first mile marker, I passed E, M, and R, who are friends from my running club (I'm not using their names because of something that happens later).  I took stock of how I was feeling and whether I wanted to latch on and run with them when I went by, but I was feeling good and kind of passed them by accident after a quick hello.

I still had the nervous feeling, but it wasn't in my legs at all.  My body was running well.  Around 1.5 I realized that the butterflies had settled and I was feeling good.

That lasted maybe a mile.  Then my insides started to rebel.  I just started feeling crampy or something, and as much as I just told myself that racing is uncomfortable sometimes, I couldn't push through it.  It was maybe more of a side stitch at the beginning (see: went out too fast for the condidions), but it was on both sides.  I was feeling the sun, and had actually drank about half of my water by this point.  I carry a 12 oz. handheld, but usually don't drink much during runs or even races.

My splits through this were:

8:45, 8:48, 8:48, 8:55, 9:28.

At mile 5, I remembered that I had a gel, and that maybe that would be a good pick me up.  I savored it, then decided to step it up and get back to the business of racing.  But now the gel wasn't agreeing with me either, and I was getting cramps in new places.  The same thing happened to me in my last HM when I took my second gel (that's why I only packed one today), and I knew it would pass if I kept going.  I also don't take a lot of gels in training, but this flavor I had tried 2 weeks ago and it was fine then.  I finished the last of my water.

I hit a turn and had stomach cramps bad enough that I felt like doubling over.  I wanted to crawl off the course into a hole somewhere.  Instead I decided to give myself permission to stop racing, but keep running.  I've never walked a step in a race before, and I wasn't about to start today.  It wasn't like it was an injury or something that I wasn't able to run on.

In the mean time, I kicked myself for not having tried to get in with a GI doc or somebody who could help me sort out whatever I have going on.  I had lots of time to feel whiny and diagnose myself with a million different conditions.  We went up the mile-long hill (it's not steep, but it keeps going forever).  E and M passed me on the hill.  I sort of thought about trying to keep them in sight, but not for long.  I noticed that E still had what looked like a bottle and a half of water left on her belt.  I thought that she must be doing really well.

Splits:

9:08, 9:32, 10:18, 10:17

But I didn't care, I was just out for a long run at this point.  And I realized that if this is what a blowup was like, it really wasn't so bad.  I decided to use the opportunity to learn to drink from an aid station, for example.  I've never taken water from a station before, and honestly was a little nervous about it.  Today was the perfect time to practice.  Success!  I remembered at the last second to pinch the cup, and didn't have to walk a single step or get any up my nose.  But it takes forever to kind of throw the water at your mouth.  I wasn't done by the time I got to the garbage can, so I dumped the rest on my head.  A kid at the station thought that was the silliest thing ever.

N passed me, and I told her I was having a terrible race, and she went on ahead.  At mile 10, I decided to try to pick up the pace again and practice holding some sort of race pace on tired legs.  I still felt like crap, but knew I was almost done.  I got N back in sight again.

Here is the awful part.  I saw that there was a runner down on the course up ahead.  I realized that it looked like E's capris.  Then I realized that it looked like her shoes.  Then I saw her fuel belt and knew it was her.  N and I got there at about the same time and we both stopped.  There were two course attendants helping her out, and they were radioing for an ambulance.  I tried to think of how I could be helpful at all, but they really clearly had things under control and didn't want to have to deal with panicky runner friends.  Plus E was not aware enough to know that we were there at all.  I told the course guys that her mom and her sons were at the stadium and hoped they could get word ahead to her.  Then N and I looked at each other, agreed there was nothing we could do, and got back to running.

I still felt like crap, but especially now, the race did not matter any more one bit.  I ran with N for a while, and sort of slow-jogged when she stopped to tell her husband what had happened.  (Since I told myself I still hadn't walked a single step of the race.  Yes, I had stopped, but had NOT walked, and that was anything but recovery).  I was pretty sure that E would be OK, but was really worried about how to get word to her family up ahead.  I heard sirens behind me. N mentioned that she had been listed as the emergency contact, meaning if they were calling anybody, they would be calling her, only she was running the race and didn't have her phone on her.

At some point N said that I didn't have to wait for her, and I realized that I was feeling like running faster.  I told her I would run hard at mile 12, and so when I heard the beep, I took off.  Not hard hard, but not a jog either.  Also I kept thinking about E's mom there in the stadium and that I wanted to get there.

Splits:

10:45 (started fast when I decided to pick it up, then stopped to see E), 10:03, 10:37, 9:47, last 0.12 at a 7:42 pace.  My finish time, not that I cared, was 2:06:01.

I came down the ramp into the stadium.  Even though I wasn't racing, again I decided that I should kick for the finish because I had fresh legs.  I saw my husband and daughter and actually noticed them this time, smiled and waved.

By the time I was through the chute, DH and DD had made it around.  I mumbled something about an ambulance and that I needed to find E's mom.  I said a little about what had happened, and then almost had a panic attack or something.  My throat started closing off and I had to really concentrate on breathing for a couple of seconds.  It just all seemed so awful and overwhelming.  Then I went looking for her mom.

I didn't know what I was going to say, and her two young sons were there, too.  I didn't want to panic them, and I hated to break that news in front of the boys, but they would know soon anyway.

I finally found them, looking so happy waiting by the finish.  I went over and introduced myself (maybe I've met her one time before, I can't remember), and just tried to give the news as straight but as gently as I could.  Yes, they had called an ambulance, but they were taking really good care of her and help had been there right away.  But I felt like a monster, looking at her face and the faces of those kids.  They must have been so worried!  They left, and I went over to DH and tried not to cry.  For some reason I felt really responsible for bringing such bad news to her family, like if I wouldn't have said anything, it wouldn't have happened.

I kept walking and eventually found N, who had seen E's mom on the way out and said she was taking it really well, not panicking, and that she was headed home with the kids and then would call ahead to the hospital.  At that point, DH and DD took off (DH has been sick all weekend), and he knew I wanted to talk to the other runners from the club.  But that meant breaking the news to everyone again.  Still, it was good to talk to the other runners.  I don't think anybody had a good day in those conditions.

When I got home, I was able to get in touch with E's boyfriend, who is currently living out of state.  Somebody with a phone on them had called him after the race.  He had talked to her and confirmed that it was heat stroke but that she was already doing better.  When she woke up, she didn't remember the race or parts of last week even, but the doctors expected it to come back.  I heard from her this evening, and she is already starting to remember bits of the race.

Now, as far as looking at my race, clearly heat was a factor.  And probably seeing the doctor to rule out some health issues would be a good idea.   But I had a good talk with DH, too, and part of it is that I probably put too much pressure on myself during races.  Especially on a race like today's, that was a goal race with a full training cycle behind it.  Maybe the nerves and the pressure are working against me, rather than for me.  So far, my best races have been non goal races where I just showed up and ran whatever I happened to have in me that day.

Then I started wondering if it was just silly of me to work so hard and put all of this training in even though I wasn't improving my race times.  Was I just an imposter?  But DH was really helpful.  He pointed out that I train like that because I enjoy the training itself.  I like running those miles.  The racing is maybe even secondary.  And I think he has a point.  It would be silly to work myself into the ground for a no extra speed anyway, but running for the enjoyment of the accomplishment itself?  That's what he thinks I get out of it.

Anyway, I don't feel like I put in much more than a LR's worth of effort today, at least on the running side.  So it's not like I need to take a huge amount of recovery coming out of it, I don't think.  Although I do have a Dr. appointment on Thursday for another TMI issue that supposedly might mean no running for 1-2 weeks afterward.  So I might just have to run a lot before then.  And if I feel like it, maybe I'll find a race in May, show up, and see what happens.

Looks like maybe the heat got to you.. Are you saying you have been running HM w/o taking water from the aids station before this?

You have been putting in consistent miles and I think if the condition is better, you would have PR big time.

But I had a good talk with DH, too, and part of it is that I probably put too much pressure on myself during races.  Especially on a race like today's, that was a goal race with a full training cycle behind it.  Maybe the nerves and the pressure are working against me, rather than for me.  So far, my best races have been non goal races where I just showed up and ran whatever I happened to have in me that day.

This was my thought while reading through, and one reason I do not really like to openly talk about my races.  As you have seen in the dailies, it is like pulling teeth to get me to say anything about an upcoming race or time goal.  For me it is not necessarily because of pressure though, it is mostly because life has taught me not to count my chickens before the eggs hatch.

That being said there was clearly more than that going on, not unlike my 10k last month where I raced in the other extreme and laid a damn steamer.  It was not indicative of my fitness however as you pointed out, and neither is this race for you.

On the other front, dairy (specifically lactose), caffeine, certain vegetables and possibly a gluten intolerance might be a place to start.  Finding and eliminating the source problem can be an exhaustive process but it can be done.  It took me until my mid thirties to realize milk was jacking me the hell up!  I just never correlated it with any problems.

I had a coworker who had an issue with artificial sweeteners.  It was just by happenstance that I mentioned I no longer used them simply because I came to the point where I felt I burned enough calories to be able to use real sugar.  That conversation triggered something in her head and she eventually discovered that aspartame was giving her all sorts of problems!

Vegetables may seem innocent but most of them hold a great deal of fluid which in and of itself could pose a problem on race day or when you are running.  I have no idea if any of this is your case I am just throwing a few ideas out there.

I am hopeful that your friend is okay and everyone gets past what seems like a very tough day to race.

You will bounce back, keep it positive!

"I ran my 3rd half marathon today."

Wow, what a report. 1st and foremost so sorry to hear about your friend. I've run plenty of races with friends and while I've witnessed them blow up and give that painful "I'm ok, go on" wave I've never had one go down. In fact, I can't think of ever hearing about one of my friends having a issue like that on course. It's just the usual "I ran crappy today" or collapsed in the chute and had to be carried off thing due to simple exhuastion - normal stuff for them and we'd just find them with an I.V. and a smile on their face. Hopefully nothing serious comes of it.

About your race. Sounds like you need to race more, not less. Did you do any tune up races? Those temps don't sound bad but coming off our Winter who knows. I wouldn't underplay that aspect. You didn't mention what your gaol pace was so hard to say how much you misjudged pace. All I can read was you slowed down and basically turned it into a glorified training run. How much training did you do at race pace? That's a critical component as I approach a half - doing extended [6-9 mile] pace runs. This not only creates adaptations, builds confidence but dials in your race pace so when the gun goes off it's grooved. Practice, practice, practice. I would seriously consider ditching carrying water during races, and stop taking gels. You don't need them for a half. I stopped using them in the marathon years ago when I realized they did me no good and sometimes upset my stomach.

Training is one component, peaking is another and learning to handle race day emotions and getting the best out of yourself when it matters is another. This takes practice. It took me years to get everything to click.

I get the imposter feeling myself a lot of the time; I ran my marathon this weekend as well as I possibly could have, but then I look at the finish time and wonder why I bother.

Millions of people would kill for your time, as would many simply run 26.2 miles without stopping, and still more would just like to complete one.

That is why the idiom "We are an experiment of one" is so poignant.  When you train to be the best that you can be, and are not bothered by what everyone else is doing (not talking about you Dave specifically) it makes everything okay.

This applies to every single runner in the starting corral, regardless of where they are in it.

It is also why the forums work for the most part, because we welcome everyone and no one is put ahead of anyone else, race times be damned.

How awful and upsetting. Glad E. seems to be recovering well. Between the heat and the GI issues, it just wasn't your day. Hope that isn't a harbinger of coming down with whatever your DH had on the weekend.

Tough race, Z.  I've done races with my stomach upside down and there is no way to be on pace when you're under so much pain and issues.  Chin up, you're HM PR will come soon.

Glad to hear that E is doing better. You couldn't have done anything more than you did.  You're a good friend.

You guys are probably right that I don't need the fuel for the HM distance.  I didn't take any for my 10 miler in March and I think that was the right call.  It might have been a factor here but probably the bigger one was nerves and the pressure that I put on myself.  I probably just need to chill out and not worry so much.

Bin- Yeah, this was my first time trying an aid station.  I usually just bring my 12 oz handheld and drink from that.  Until today, I've never wanted more water than that anyway.

LRB- I've been trying to work out the food issue on my own.  The trick is that it doesn't seem to be one specific thing as much as sort of a threshhold that gives me problems if I go over a certain level.  I was feeling pretty crummy on Friday for most of the day after my run, then pretty much cut out dairy, fruit (except bananas) and vegetables from that point until race day.  Gotta work on cutting back on the aspartame, too.  I have cut out the fake sugars with sugar alcohols.

Moth- Thanks for all of the helpful advice!  My goal was to PR, which would have been anything under 1:55, and honestly I felt like that was somewhat conservative and was thinking I could bring that down quite a bit in the final 5.  I didn't do any extended race pace runs.  LRs and MLR were all done at easy pace, and my longest continuous tempo run was 4 miles.  That's definitely something I need to change.

Thank you to everyone for your insight and advice!