Years ago when DH and I were young and broke we could only give each other handmade items for Christmas. Since he knew it was a favorite story of mine and since we both share an obsessive love of coffee, he (re)wrote the following for me. Nowadays we can give each other i-whatnots and designer bags but this may be my favorite gift and I wanted to share it with you all and wish you happy holidays 

The Caffeinated Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and every last critter

Had OD'ed on coffee, so we all had the jitters.

The mantel held Santa's Christmas Eve snack;

Chocolate-dipped biscotti and coffee, black.

The kids were in bed but still wide awake

(Thanks to their bedtime café au lait)

And Mama in her kerchief and I in the buff

Had just put a pot on (we can't get enough)

When out on the lawn there arose such a fuss

It made me spill my late-night demitasse.

I ran up and peeked through the sliding glass door

Holding my cup level so as not to spill more.

The moon on the new-fallen snow made it seem

As though the sky outside was as light as whipped cream,

When what to my wide-awake eyes should appear

But a miniature sleigh and some tiny reindeer,

And Santa himself, swearing an oath;

They were all very short - coffee does stunt the growth.

More rapid than espresso those coursers they came,

As he drank down a latté he called them by name;

"Now Kona! Now Mocha! Arabica, too!

On Java, and French, and Jamaican Blue!

To the top of the porch and on the wall, too;

I'll treat you to Starbuck's when this is all through!"

The deer flew so fast they looked quite frenetic;

And they left quite a mess (caffeine is diuretic);

They flew to the roof very quickly, it seemed

And I stood there and watched as my demitasse steamed.

Then on the roof I heard a small rattle,

Like the pouring of coffee beans heard in Seattle.

I finished my coffee and turned right around

To see Santa there drinking fresh-ground.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his feet,

And smoking a pipe - he was so non-PC!

A huge sack of coffee he had flung on his back

Held pre-ground, whole bean, and vacuum-packed.

His dimples were merry! His beard soft as fuzz!

And his eyes were glazed over with that "caffeine high" buzz!

I could see his heart pound right in his chest

As he drank high-caffeine-content Pony Express

He held the pipe tight in his coffee-stained teeth,

And its smoke drifted over his coffee beneath.

He had a broad face and a round little belly

That resulted from trips to the café and deli.

He ate the biscotti, drank the cup dry,

And settled back from his snack with a contented sigh.

Then from his coat he pulled a long list of names,

Found ours, read the note, and softly exclaimed,

"They shouldn't get presents; they've all been quite naughty!"

A pause, then: "What the hell - they gave me biscotti!"

He reached into his bag and found (for our teens)

Gift certificates for Gloria Jean's.

My wife got a machine to make macchiato,

I got Kahlúa so I could get blotto.

When he finished, Saint Nick rose back up the flue

But I almost missed it - I was pouring more brew.

He drank so much more coffee as he left the scene

I was starting to worry - that was too much caffeine!

But I heard him exclaim as he rose out of sight,

"How else could one man do all this in one night?!?"

Love this!  The Grinch can have the last can of Who-hash if I have the coffee stashed under the floorboards.

Dude is talented!  The last line says it all!

Had double-chocolate glazed donut in the Keurig this morning mixed w/ some Int'l delights 'sweet cream" creamer.  Battling anxiety issues the last month or so & haven't been able to do coffee but been feeling a little better the last few days so figured I'd give it a go.  If I hit the ceiling, at least I have one to stop me.  I can always come down later.

Oh....that and the cinnamon rolls the wife just pulled out of the oven to be followed later by the home made tamales the next door neighbor made.   Good stuff Maynard!!!  

Thanks Baconista (and Mr. Bacon), that was great!  <3