I just need someplace to vent this, because in all parts of my real life, I have to keep this pretty much under wraps.
Today, I was asked by a friend to speak at her funeral.
We sat in her living and chatted about how our respective third-grade boys are doing in school, how my husband is never home, how her husband wants to be a buddy more than a parent, and how he really needs to figure out soon how to be a parent, because she isn't going to be there to do it, and, hey, the PTO is working at cutting down on how many sugary drinks get served at school activities, and she and her son just went to a paint-your-own pottery place where she found the perfect little jars with corks to paint to be used for her ashes, and she knows she needs to call the crematory in her hometown and start making some arrangements. Sure, I'll come over and sit down with you next week and we'll get some things on paper. She wants a friend from high school to talk about old times, and her niece to give the "instructions" from her to her survivors (you know, like her 9-year-old son), and by the way, since she doesn't have a faith or that "God-thing" going on, but she knows some people there at the funeral would benefit from hearing some of those kinds of words, she thought her friend StepbyStep could read a poem or find something to say to help them.
I've never had someone pay me such a compliment in a way that sucked so, so much.
We've known each other since our boys were babies, and I took care of her son quite a bit 6 years ago when this battle with cancer began. I didn't expect it to end like this.
20,000 miles behind me, the world still to see.
Wow, that's a heavy load. I hope you have some support around you, to deal with this loss of your friend. My DH had a cousin die young, with small kids. She was very matter-of-fact and organized toward the end, while everyone else was falling apart. Hang in there.
There is nothing I despise more in life than human weakness and cowardice. But as the years go by, I painfully realize that I am afflicted by both. When my maternal grandmother died, the person I loved the most, I was unable to get up and talk about her in the way that she deserved. But you, Shari, have all the qualities that make a strong human being and this is why your friend picked you for this most difficult task. Her situation is tragic. It appears senseless, and there will be much suffering around her soon. But it is angels like you who make the transition easier in the end. Thank you for being there for others.
PRs: Boston Marathon, 3:27, April 15th 2013
Cornwall Half-Marathon, 1:35, April 27th 2013
18 marathons, 18 BQs since 2010
I'm sorry, Step. When the time comes, you will be able to find a way to honor her memory in a meaningful way to the gathering. She wouldn't have asked you otherwise.
I'm sorry, Step. That is hard, but she sounds like a good friend who is worth all the pain. I am sorry you will lose her soon.
Damaris
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Hip Redux
That's heavy stuff, Step. An honor on one hand, but really sad on the other
On the one hand, the whole thing seems cruel. On the other though, it is good that she is able to get things in order. In any event it's just tough all the way around.
I have spoken at a funeral and while it is not easy it is an honor. That fact empowers you and supersedes any trepidation you may have. You will do well.
We all have unique gifts. Having one fewer doesn't make us less of a person.
Youth Has No Age. ~ Picasso / 1st road race: Charleston Distance Run 15 Miler - 1974 / profile
Shari, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. She chose you for a reason.
Vent away. I am sorry that you have to go through this and like everyone has said, it is an honor she chose you to speak. You need a way to express your feelings, make sure you are getting support.
What a heart-breaking situation, Shari. I'm so sorry for your friend and her family. I know you will do her memory honor when the time comes.
Life is good.
Barking Mad To Run
So sad you will be losing your friend; feel for her family too.
However, I have no doubt you will do right by her. You have a good heart and soul, Step...you will figure it all out and I am sure her family will appreciate what you give to them.
"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." Theodore Roosevelt
I'm so sorry. She's too young to have to deal with this.
Mmmmm...beer
Very sorry for your friend, her family, and you. Definitely a heavy burden to bear, but she obviously cares about you deeply if she's trusting you to do this for her. Cancer sucks, lost my Mom to it when I was 19, she was only 46. But like your friend, at least she had some time to get everything in order, but it still sucks.
-Dave
My running blog
Goals | sub-18 5k | sub-3 marathon 2:56:46!!