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Akron Half Marathon Race Report (Read 71 times)


Queen Of The Race Report

    So, like forever ago, I ran the Akron Half Marathon. Imma tell you all about it. And you're gonna love it.

     

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    So, I mean, nothing really excited me about Akron. But, spoiler alert, it might have been the best race all year. I know. In Akron. I mean, I live in Wheeling, WV, I am not poo-pooing Akron. I'm just saying, it wasn't NYC or Vegas. You wouldn't think it would be like, the BEST. But I think it might have been.

     

    The only thing that was irritating was that it was a Saturday race, so that meant we had to leave and rush there Friday after work for the packet pick-up. So, that part sucked. I mean. Then, I was done on Saturday and had Sunday to recover. So, Saturday races aren't THAT bad, but it's difficult for out-of-towners. Just throwin' that out there.

     

    But, we picked up my shirt, and it sort of rocked:

     

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    Although, I got a medium. I've found that depending on the day in which I sign up, I will either pick a medium or a large in ladies' shirts. I must have felt skinny this day. I was terrified it wouldn't fit. I rushed home and tried it on. It fit, but it was maybe a little too up in my belly area, but I've let myself go in my old married years, so oh well.

     

    See? Sort of fits:

     

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    My face says it all in that photo. Also, I have monkey arms and I should never get mediums in anything long-sleeved.

     

    So, anyway, I let Frank pick where we ate the night before, and he picked Applebee's. Because he's apparently a fancy fuck with a fancy fucking palate.

     

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    Tonight, we dine on ribblets and fries. In a BASKET.

     

    So, when we got back to the room, I gave him a hearty whine about how it took so LONG and it was APPLEBEE'S and I was going to get like ZERO SLEEP. He then pointed out that 8 hours is a perfectly normal amount of sleep for someone to get and not everyone needs 17 hours of sleep to feel like a human being.

     

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    So, to sleep we went.

     

    We got up early the next day and got to the starting line REALLY REALLY early, but due to road closures, that was how it had to be. I sat in the car and contemplated my sorry existence for 30 minutes before going in the port-a-potty line.

     

    I googled "Longest Line," and it was sort of impossible to not get a bunch of really sad images of like, people lined up for food in poverty-sticken countries or, worse, holocaust-era images, and now I feel good and awful like I normally do 895 times a day.

     

    ...

     

    Ugh. So, now that I feel good and insignificant, we can proceed.

     

    So, I got in this line, and I probably can't accurately describe this, but that's nothing new, so we'll plow forward anyway.

     

    There are all these port-a-potties, right? And lines for each one, right? Well, ours is moving VERY slow. It's the one on the end. I realize, as does my New Friend behind me, that the other lines each get TWO port-a-potties. So, you get to the front of the line, and if the one on your right opens, you get it. If the one on your left opens, you get it. We only had ONE. New Friend and I were FURIOUS. WE WOULD NOT STAND FOR THIS. WE WERE GOING TO CHANGE THINGS.

     

    We did nothing.

     

    So then the race started and I realized I should have been in Coral A, and when does that happen, but ok. I followed along with the 8:58 Pacer for exactly 13 seconds before deciding their idea of 9-minute miles and my idea of 9-minute miles were two different things. Two different things on two different lands on two different planets.

     

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    So, I managed this the first three miles:

     

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    So. No. No, pacers, you go on ahead and go on ahead with your bad selves. Imma stay back here.

     

    Nothing is overly remarkable about the course. Nothing. The elevation isn't flat, but it's not terrible. Still, the ENTIRE race, I was REALLY struggling. I mean, I guess this is what it's like to run halfs under 2:10 instead of in the 2:15-2:30 area where I was last year. And I can't really say that I find it to be particularly enjoyable. I think it's no secret that I'm forever chasing the sub-2. That I got one on a SHORT COURSE in September and I'm terrified I'll never get a legitimate sub-2 half in me before I get pregnant-fat or just married-fat. Whichever variety. So, if this is what it feels like, I'm not sure I am made of THAT kinda stuff. As the following photos illustrate beautifully:

     

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    I either look asleep or dead in all of the above photos. I also appear to be trotting like a pony. Not running like a cheetah.

     

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    I know Pittsburgh likes to brag that it's the city of bridges and whatnot, but I really feel like I went over more during this race. I mean, I don't really know, because normally all I do during a race is listen to disgusting rap music and count my footfalls. And yes, I realize that sounds like something a psychotic person would do, and well, if the shoe fits and whatnot.

     

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    At some point along the journey I was behind a young runner that had a shirt that said "Ex-Addict, Ex-Alcoholic," and a bible verse. I made a mental note to ask what that was, and I later found out. But, of course, since it's been 900 years since this race happened in September (BECAUSE I AM SO IMPORTANT AND BUSY), I forget exactly what it's about, but it's about overcoming stuff. And I was impressed that someone as young as this person apparently went through that and came out the other side so soon, not years and years later. It was something to think about for a few miles at least.

     

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    Miles 4, 5, and 6 continued to leave me cautiously hopeful, but as the race went on, I felt more and more like I was trudging through mud. Like, the whole race felt uphill. It wasn't, obviously, but everything was just SO. DIFFICULT. I was feeling kind of sick, but I didn't think it was that. I also felt SO. HOT. Even though I normally love to run in the 50s, because I don't like COLD running. Basically, what I'm saying is, I'm a huge whiner.

     

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    Miles 7-9 started to look bleak:

     

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    I'm fairly certain I drank a gallon of water during mile 7. I mean, not really, but I totally drank more than a normal person should during a race. But I was also pretty sure my insides were going to catch on fire. So, water it was. Please and thank you very much.

     

    Around this time, I was all "oh well, no sub-2, so, whatever, lolz."

     

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    And although I did improve a bit there, I remember making audible whimpering noises during mile 12. I'm pretty sure I only finished as fast as I did because I am probably the most stubborn person you'll ever have the SUPREME pleasure of meeting, and I wanted this shit to end as soon as humanly possible.

     

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    Like, normally, the last mile and change, I can kick up a little something, and at the VERY least, the last part, after mile 13, I can get under 9. Nope. Could not. Did not. Wanted to die real bad, like.

     

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    And, let's just talk about Mr. Hands In The Air, Wave 'Em Around Like You Just Don't Care there. I did it my first half marathon. I looked like an idiot. But, I wasn't in a sea of humanity. I kind of believe (and by "kind of," I mean "firmly") that if you do that while in elbow's reach of other runners, you are sort of a jack-ass. You're like the person who passed me the last .00001 of the Race That Shall Not Be Named. I know you're excited. But you look dumb in 97 other people's pictures now.

     

    Great. Now that that is over.

     

    Total Garmin Stats:

     

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    So, during the whole race, I was all "THIS IS HARD AND I AM NEVER DOING THIS EVER AGAIN."

     

    Then. They gave me beers. BEERS. THIS IS THE BEST RACE EVER AND I WILL ALWAYS RUN IT EVERY SINGLE YEAR PROBABLY MOST LIKELY.

     

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    Ya know, I'm sort of sad that this is the one race I decided to represent the Half Fanatics, and I sort of looked like death and the race was so hard for me. Sorry, Halfers. As I said, I enjoy being mediocre.

     

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    The medal is really nice, y'all! Also! I got a really nice towel, too!

     

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    Updated Race Rack with the PR OF SHAME medal.

     

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    After the race, we met Heather for lunchtimes. Brunch times? More like brunch times. I had Eggs Benedict. I never really had Eggs Benedict until the time I had it with crab cakes with Elena and Sandy after visiting the zoo, and these eggs benedict did not disappoint, either. I'm sure you are all just so excited to hear about eggs. But you need to know that I do love eggs.

     

    Anyway. At brunch, we were all HEY LET'S DO THE RELAY NEXT YEAR! And Heather was all "sure, yeah, I'll totally do that," and I was like "we need five people," and Frank was all like "don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact," but I think it's ok and we won't have to force Frank to run, because then I mentioned it to Sandy and she was all WEDDING REUNION RELAY NEXT SEPTEMBER BITCHES.

    She might not have said bitches, because she's not quite as vulgar as I am.

     

    But, I SWEAR (and this is almost over, hang in there) I heard the race announcer say it was the Largest Relay In The Country. I do not understand how this is to be true when it's sort of a small race compared to, say, Chicago or whatnot. But I'm going to pretend it's true, and I'm too lazy to google it (Lies: I did look it up and the website DOES boast this, but I sort of don't believe them.), and we are going to do it unless, I'm like, big pregnant or something, and at this rate, I'm sort of hoping to never be pregnant ever, so there's that.

    So. Next year. Gonna do it again. And drink beers.

     

    Next Up: I owe you a Hershey Half recap, and I'm running Bass Pro this weekend, so I'm really gonna maybe try half-heartedly to get Hershey done before I actually run another race. Why do I do this?

    Blog: http://runstaceyrun.tumblr.com/
    Contact Info: LiveJournal/DailyMile/Twitter: staceyloobug
    Facebook: www.facebook.com/staceypurpura

    PRs: Marathon: 4:54:31 | 1/2 Marathon: 1:58:24 | 10K: 1:01:45 | 5-Mile: 46:04 | 5K: 27:01 | Longest Run: 26.2 Miles
    43 Races: (21) 5Ks | (2) 5-Milers | (3) 10Ks | (16) Half Marathons | (1) Full Marathon

    Docket_Rocket


      Great job!  You had me laughing left and right.

      Damaris

       

      As part of the 2024 London Marathon, I am fundraising for VICTA, a charity that helps blind and visually impaired children. My mentor while in law school, Jim K (a blind attorney), has been a huge inspiration and an example of courage and perseverance. Please consider donating.

      Fundraising Page

      obiebyke


        This was so awesome I read the whole thing. Nice swag at this race! Gotta give 'em something for willingly going to Akron. Congrats!

        Call me Ray (not Ishmael)

        Jack K.


        uʍop ǝpᴉsdn sǝʇᴉɹʍ ʇI

          Lol. Great RR, as usual. Too bad you were

          not feeling well, but sub 2 will be there next time.

          catwhoorg


          Labrat

            That isn't death warmed up

             

            THIS is death warmed up. I'd have said shoot me now, but didn't have the energy.

            (To be fair about 14 hours before this was taken I was on a flight from Korea to Atlanta. Its a 2012 shot)

             

            5K  20:23  (Vdot 48.7)   9/9/17

            10K  44:06  (Vdot 46.3)  3/11/17

            HM 1:33:48 (Vdot 48.6) 11/11/17

            FM 4:13:43 (Vdot 35.4) 3/4/18

             


            SheCan

              Great job, Stacey, congratulations!

              Cherie

              "We do not become the people who this world needs simply by turning our backs on anyone we don’t like, trust, or deem healthy enough to be in our presence. "  ---- Shasta Nelson

              scottydawg


              Barking Mad To Run

                but I've let myself go in my old married years.  Yeah, right...all "old married ladies' should look so good as you do!  Big grin

                 

                I either look asleep or dead in all of the above photos.  Uh huh.   You look pretty good for a dead sleeprunner!  And you were not really that far off of a sub-2, no doubt in my mind you are gonna get there some day!

                 

                Congrats on your half and the nice bling....and yay for beers post-race!  Nice!

                 

                Maybe the Akron half marathon is the largest relay race for a half, but the largest full-marathon relay in the country is down here in Corpus Christi - Beach to Bay Relay Marathon.   There is NO individual running of the event, it is ALL relay teams.  It's a lot of fun.  I can't do distance running anymore because of my stupid back arthritis, but I can do the shorter relay distances for races like these.  I've done Beach to Bay  4 times.   You have to register early cuz it sells out quick. re.  It does get warm, being that it is South Texas, and it is May and it is run in sight of the Gulf. But still fun.  You might like to do this one someday in the future.  Here is the link:  http://www.beachtobayrelay.com/

                "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." Theodore Roosevelt

                fourouta5


                Healed Hammy

                  Love the RR.  Don't get pregnant and no marriage fat-itis.  Save that till you get your sub-2.

                  Little Blue


                    An entertaining report, as usual.  I grew up in the Akron area, so I'd sorta like to do that race some day. Maybe I could get some relatives to do the relay.

                     

                    I do need to understand the shirt, though.  What is the blue column supposed to represent?  is that the smokestack at the Firestone rubber plant?


                    Queen Of The Race Report

                      It's the "blue line" they have you run on during the race.

                      Blog: http://runstaceyrun.tumblr.com/
                      Contact Info: LiveJournal/DailyMile/Twitter: staceyloobug
                      Facebook: www.facebook.com/staceypurpura

                      PRs: Marathon: 4:54:31 | 1/2 Marathon: 1:58:24 | 10K: 1:01:45 | 5-Mile: 46:04 | 5K: 27:01 | Longest Run: 26.2 Miles
                      43 Races: (21) 5Ks | (2) 5-Milers | (3) 10Ks | (16) Half Marathons | (1) Full Marathon


                      Queen Of The Race Report

                        I swear! I looked it up again, and the website SAYS the largest marathon relay. I DO NOT BELIEVE. When I looked it up, the Beach to Bay came up! That I believe! LOOK: "The 5-person Team Relay presented by Novo Nordisk is the largest team marathon relay in the United States." It's at the top of this page: http://www.akronmarathon.org/team-relay/

                         

                        but I've let myself go in my old married years.  Yeah, right...all "old married ladies' should look so good as you do!  Big grin

                         

                        I either look asleep or dead in all of the above photos.  Uh huh.   You look pretty good for a dead sleeprunner!  And you were not really that far off of a sub-2, no doubt in my mind you are gonna get there some day!

                         

                        Congrats on your half and the nice bling....and yay for beers post-race!  Nice!

                         

                        Maybe the Akron half marathon is the largest relay race for a half, but the largest full-marathon relay in the country is down here in Corpus Christi - Beach to Bay Relay Marathon.   There is NO individual running of the event, it is ALL relay teams.  It's a lot of fun.  I can't do distance running anymore because of my stupid back arthritis, but I can do the shorter relay distances for races like these.  I've done Beach to Bay  4 times.   You have to register early cuz it sells out quick. re.  It does get warm, being that it is South Texas, and it is May and it is run in sight of the Gulf. But still fun.  You might like to do this one someday in the future.  Here is the link:  http://www.beachtobayrelay.com/

                        Blog: http://runstaceyrun.tumblr.com/
                        Contact Info: LiveJournal/DailyMile/Twitter: staceyloobug
                        Facebook: www.facebook.com/staceypurpura

                        PRs: Marathon: 4:54:31 | 1/2 Marathon: 1:58:24 | 10K: 1:01:45 | 5-Mile: 46:04 | 5K: 27:01 | Longest Run: 26.2 Miles
                        43 Races: (21) 5Ks | (2) 5-Milers | (3) 10Ks | (16) Half Marathons | (1) Full Marathon

                        redrum


                        Caretaker/Overlook Hotel

                          Love the "Only slept 22 hours today" pic.  That's what I say about our dog......EVERY FRIGGIN' DAY!!!!!

                           

                          Congrats!  Looks like a cool race.  Love the hardware!!!  (you didn't have to make a medal this time) Smile

                           

                          And I swear  you look like 3 different people from the time you try on your shirt, then running, then smiling w/ a beer!   3 different people.  No bull.  Weird.  Just sayin'. Wink

                           

                          (Though I'll admit, my photos look like pain in motion while folks running around me look like they're modeling running gear)  Angry

                           Randy

                          RabbitChaser


                            Great job, Stacey! For "only" getting eight hours of sleep, you ran a good race. Smile Thanks for sharing the RR and pics, I enjoyed reading it as usual.

                            flats


                            turtle runner eximious

                              I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed Akron. I've done the half there many times, the Marathon Relay a few times, and the Marathon for the first time this year. They certainly do put on a great race, thanks for spreading the good word. I hope to fast like you someday.

                              Michael

                                A half-marathon.  LOL Stacey cats.  Beer.

                                 

                                All is right with the world.

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