Mt. Hood - I went, I ran . . . but I didn't conquer.

Temps reached at least 87/88 degrees during the race, and although I did everything I could to keep cool (ice water in my fluid bladder, ice water in a hand-held to squirt myself with, ice bandana, getting wet at every possible chance), it zapped me.  I also struggled the second half with leg cramping, which didn't help matters.

My other main issue was a severe lack of training on technical trail.  The first loop, there were so many rocks and roots that my legs were really beat up by the time I got to the start/finish at Mile 28.4.  From that point, it was about 5 miles to Red Wolf Aid Station.  On the way there, I came across a couple of women who were really struggling in their first attempt at a 50.  In retrospect I stayed with them, especially one, for longer than I should have.  Those precious minutes cost me for the cutoff at Warm Springs-Mile 39.2.  Anyway, I got one lady to force herself to throw up and she felt SO much better, and I walked with her for a short time until I knew she was going to be okay.  Unfortunately, all of that sort of took the wind out of my sails, and when I got to Red Wolf, I had a total meltdown.  In my defense, though, I will say that crying is my MO when I'm struggling and I feel so much better after I've cut loose.

The workers kept telling me it was okay, people had been dropping all day, but when they called out asking who was dropping 'cause they had a car going back, I didn't even give it a thought.  I may have melted down, but I wasn't going to quit.  I got up and dragged my sorry butt out of there.  It was a little over 5 miles to Warm Springs, and included one of the hardest climbs of the race.  About 1/4 to 1/2 a mile from the AS, I knew I wasn't going to make the 3:30 cutoff.  I missed it by about 3 minutes.  Even if I'd made it or they'd let me go, I doubt I would've made it back to Red Wolf by the hard cutoff of 5:00, which included a long 2+ mile hard climb.

Three positives, though: (1) I had no nausea issues (Yea!!).  (2) My friend, Karen, completed her first ever 50 miler.  Her sister, Kate, ran the whole thing with her like she did me two years ago and pushed her hard at the end to make the Red Wolf cutoff. (3) The two ladies I helped both finished the race.

This was my third 50-miler in 5 years, but my first attempt to complete one without a pacer. I learned some valuable lessons out there, including some major points in my running that I need to work on.

At first, I told myself - and everybody else - that I was disappointed but not upset about the DNF. However as the hours and a few days have gone by, I have been second-guessing what I did wrong, what I could've done to finish, and started berating myself a bit. Then last night I pulled out the latest issue of UltraRunning Magazine that came while I was gone, and there was a great article in it by Kristyn Bacon entitled "On Not Finishing." Below is a letter to the editor I sent this morning:

On Saturday, May 12, 2014, I participated in the Mt. Hood 50 race. I went, I ran . . . I didn't conquer. It was my third 50-miler in five years, my second time at Mt. Hood, but my first attempt to run a 50-miler by myself with no pacer to urge me on. It was a very hot day and many people dropped. I had a total meltdown at Mile 33.7 at the Red Wolf Aid Station, but I didn't quit. Unfortunately, I didn't make the next cutoff at Warm Springs and was pulled at Mile 39.2, with less than 11 miles to go. I was disappointed, but not upset. I would live to run another day and was already making plans to go back and conquer the course - on my own - next year. At least that's what I kept telling myself. However, as the hours and days went by, I started feeling worse about not running to “my full potential” - about failing. Failing myself, failing my coach, failing my ultra-supportive husband who had spent many hours alone while I was out training. Then last night I pulled out my latest issue of Ultrarunning Magazine from the stack of mail that had accumulated while I was gone, and there in the back was this great article by Kristyn Bacon On Not Finishing. She perfectly put into words all the feelings that had been flooding me since Saturday. She was talking directly to ME.

I was not an athlete growing up, and I'm not a great runner by any stretch of the imagination. I started running 8 years ago at the age of 40, and nothing about it comes easy to me. I'm a solid back of the pack runner who is almost always pushing the cutoffs. That being said, I love ultra running, I love the challenge, and I love the people who surround the sport. Thank you, Kristyn, for reminding me that this is a lifestyle I have been fortunate to find and embrace. There will no doubt be other DNF’s in my future, but there will be even more successes. I will go, I will run . . . I will conquer!

I missed it by about 3 minutes. 

Even if I'd made it or they'd let me go, I doubt I would've made it back to Red Wolf by the hard cutoff of 5:00,

which included a long 2+ mile hard climb.

Too bad you could not have been compensated some time

for helping fellow runners along the way.

Altruism credit or something.

It makes you more of a winner than the winners.

Thanks, everyone.

Steve -   Oh what fun that would be!! . . . so long as Tag was willing to share his ice cream at the end.

Hey Leslie, just responded to your FB post about this.   I respect your ability to examine the DNF and learn from it.  It will make your prep for Firetrails that much smarter and stronger.  And we love you for your honesty, determination, and true grit, among bunches of other things.

"I started running 8 years ago at the age of 40, and nothing about it comes easy to me."

And look what you accomplished and how much more you have ahead

fatozzig, I admire what you accomplished.  The weather was brutal, the course was tough, and you helped another runner.  You did a marathon and a half under those conditions and learned a lot.  You'll be back and do the 50 miles which many of us never will.

TomS

Thanks, everyone.  Your kind words are appreciated more than you'll ever know.

Holly - Re the throwing up.  In the ultra world, it's called "resetting your gut."  Sometimes your stomach just goes south, and the best thing you can do is throw up.  Sounds crazy, I know, but it can be very refreshing and it works.  She had eaten some orange slices that were not sitting well, and that's what she puked up.  Felt tons better afterwards.  I had her sip on some water for awhile, and by the time she got to the aid station, she was able to get some more food in and soldiered on.

There have been a few times I've made myself throw up 'cause what was going on wasn't working or, like in my first ultra, I had consumed too much liquid and needed it out of my system.  Once it's out, you can start all over again.  Crazy, huh?