I don't remember the last time I posted to the list, but I've missed all of you and the daily banter. The last couple of months are a blur. My Mom and I have been on a slow roller coaster ride. She collapsed in December and was hospitalized for several days. The doctors insisted that she couldn't return to assisted living and I had to place her into a skilled nursing facility. She was so very angry at me when she realized that it wasn't a temporary move. She was afraid she couldn't afford it and kept asking to leave. She told one of the nurses she didn't want to be there with all of those "old people" - she was 86. She had chronic COPD and Alzheimer's disease and had been steadily losing weight. During my last conference with the treatment team, they said she had gained a couple of pounds and they thought she was doing well. With that endorsement, my husband and I headed for Disney for marathon weekend. Upon our return, her doctor called and told me Mom had given up and he wanted me to sign papers allowing them to forego heroic measures (feeding tubes, IV's, etc). She perked up when she saw me - but that only lasted for a couple of days. She greeted me on Saturday morning with a huge hug and called me her "love, buddy and pal" - I will forever cherish that hug because it was the last I ever received from her. By Sunday when her brother arrived,from Denver, she had lapsed and was unconscious - she never roused again. I stayed in the room with her 24 hours/day until the following Saturday evening when she passed away. Hospice provided support and literature, and I now understand that she had been preparing for death for the last few months. The days I spent with her allowed me to work through the guilt and self-recrimination, and, while I still feel very numb and raw, I am going to be able to forgive myself and move forward in life. Shortly before she collapsed, I told her how sorry I was that we had to move her away from the Midwest and I wished it would have turned out differently. She said that we had "run a good race" and that we had done it together and she had no regrets. She was a classy lady and a typical Mom - every forgiving. I'm so glad I was able to be at the finish line with her because she did run a wonderful race. Thanks if you've bothered to read this - very cathartic for me to get this in writing. If your parents are still living, give them a big hug and tell them you love them next time you see them. You never know when it will be your last chance.

Deepest sympathies and condolences to you Sue. I appreciate the heartfelt words in your post and the catharsis that comes about as a result. That you shared all this here also means a great deal. That hug was a moment of grace and I hope its memory will sustain you in low moments. I am glad you are forgiving yourself. It's clear that your mother felt deeply loved and that's most important. A life well lived indeed. I'll give my granny extra hugs this weekend. Peace to you Karin

Sue, I am sorry about your loss but heartened by the fact that you are constructively working through all this. It sounds like you were a loving and caring daughter and your mother was able to recognize this right to the end. These choices are never easy and, FWIW, know that you are not alone in the dilemmas posed by aging parents. My 83-year-old mother has Alzheimer's and her health is slowly deteriorating, raising nearly-constant issues about care and her future. I know others on the board have similar situations. Glad you came back and let us know what was going on. I hope you'll be dropping in regularly.

Sue - God bless you for taking such wonderful care of your mother during her final days. You were lucky to be able to spend time with her while she was still lucent. My mom's been gone 9 years now, and I still miss her a lot. I never got the chance to say goodbye or tell her I loved her. I hope she knew that. You've been missed, friend. I hope you've found peace and your life is getting back in order - whatever that is.

Thanks Sue! {{{SueT}}}

Thanks Sue for sharing your story. I love to see pictures. Can you post a picture of your Mom? What a role model she was and she sure had a wonderful daughter. My mom died 7 years ago but she's w/ me everyday.

Sue, I'm so very sorry. I know it's hard.. it's been about 15 years since I lost my mom. There were similar scenes in the hospital. Each situation is different; yours had some especially tough elements. Yet some things seem universal. Numb & raw is a tough combination. It sounds like you're working through it wisely. The comments your mom made were priceless ... her "love, buddy and pal", & that you had "run a good race" together. I've always thought you were a wonderful daughter. It sounds like she thought so too. Thanks for sharing this with us and for the reminder to appreciate family we still have and to express it. I've missed you. Take care of yourself. (((( ))))

Sorry for your loss. Both of my parents are living and I am thankful for that. When they retired they moved down south, and every time there is an opportunity to visit with them I take advantage of it. I lost both of my in-laws in the past 8 years, and I was very close to them. That really drove the point home for me. Hang in there.