So about 30 minutes into my ride today I pass a goat farm and notice a goat with his head stuck through a hogwire fence. I figure he is eating the grass on the other side - not unusual for a goat to poke his head through a fence. His head was in a high hole, so it crossed my mind that maybe he is stuck...but I figure if so, the goat farmer will be out soon to check on his goats - they were right behind his house.
I forget about the goat and pass by again about 4 hours later. The goat is still standing in the same spot with his head still poked through the fence. I figure he has to be stuck. So, I pull over and prop my bike against the fence and walk to the goat. Its well over 90 degrees and I know the goat has been there at least 4 hours and probably a lot longer. I take the goat by the horns (which apparently a goat frowns upon) and try to work his head back through the fence. This is a young goat - not a baby but definately not an adult - we'll call him a teen goat. Anyway, He is kicking wildly and screaming these deafening "baaaaac" goat screams. It must have been the goat equivalent of "stranger danger" because all the adult goats, including the neighboring goats, come running over and commence to screaming at me as well - they were jumping and kicking and snorting and giving me some pretty intimidating looks. I worked with the goat some more and he showed me his goat teeth and tried chomping at me a few times. I tried bending the fence wire to no avail - I was still grabbing the goat by the horns and trying to contort his head to make it fit back through. No luck.
The goat is still kicking and screaming madly and I figure if he don't break his neck trying to get away from me and out of the fence, he'll be lucky. So i figure desperate situations call for desperate measures. I look around to make sure no one is watching and then get down on the ground and put the goat in a headlock. So here I am a grown man wearing spandex with a goat in a headlock rolling on the ground behind the farmers house. I figure if the farmer sees what is happening, he is either gonna come out with a shotgun and shoot me or bring the goat a cigarette for it to smoke after i'm done with him. Anyway, the goat is still kicking and trying to bite me so I decide that I have to hold him tighter - he finally goes limp, his eyes start bulging out of his head, he opens his mouth and his tongue protudes about 4 inches and freezes, and his once deafening goat screams turn into a choking gasping wheeze. Anyway, the goat family must have decided he was on his own at this point cause when they saw me do this, they shut up, turned around, and trotted off. I finally was able to bend his neck at a weird angle and force his head back through the fence. He hopped up, kicked dirt at me, then trotted off.
hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha thank you for sharing this intimate moment! this explains why you lost so many fluids today! wow. a teen goat in a headlock? I don't even know what to say.
are you the "goat whisperer" ?
So, you made the goat pass out?
It's do or do not, there is no try.
I was a little concerned at first when his tongue came out and it just stayed there...and of course he went completely still and his eyes were bugged out, but he was still making that wheezing sound of trying to breathe so I knew he wasn't dead. I do think he may have briefly passed out - when I wrangled his head and horns back through the fence and let go of him, he popped back up within just a second.
Despite that, the lil guy had to be somewhat thankful!
I am still processing that you were still on your bike 4 hours later. If the Ironman gets old maybe u can start a new sport of goat wrangling!
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