So, this past Saturday I embarked on the Javelina Jundred. I had signed up for the 100 mile race, mostly to get a WS qualifier, knowing I was not in shape at all. Last year I finished and did well (for me) in every race -- this year, everything had been a disaster except for cycling double centuries.

Anywho, in the 2 weeks leading up I barely slept, felt awful, but  took my son to Disneyland for his birthday a week early while putting in 90+ hour weeks. On Friday (Halloween), I juggled work and my son's actual birthday with my mom visiting. Everything was ok until my mom told me her doctor let her know she had another cancer progression and out of her clinical trial (and very low on treatment options). I felt slapped in the face but got on a plane anyway to AZ -- being delayed due to weather let get most of my work done, but left me with precious little sleep.

At first, I was just excited to run and have a release. Javelina has a great atmosphere, and I figured I could limp in and finish under the 30hr limit. I took some photos, set up a drop bag and got ready to run. I positioned myself in the last third (ahead of that Gordy A. dude) and behind most serious looking runners.

When the gun went off, that seemed to be a mistake since these folks were walking inclines of about 3 feet at 1%. I dodged folks (and cacti) and made my way up, walking and dodging until I could run. My bike flashlight was great and I needed it for all of about 20 minutes until the sun started coming up -- it was gorgeous. I then settled in and tried to run normally -- too fast for my fitness level but by no means aggressive. I did the first 25km loop in about 2:15 with a bathroom break. From there I knew it would be tough -- no fitness, more sun even though it was mild for AZ. I struggled on the loop back, I had some nutrition issues. The course guide indicated they had one of my supplements on offer, so I did not pack it and then it ended up not being available during the morning -- my fault for not contingency planning. Still, I felt optimistic and figured if I just kept going a finish was in the bag -- it was right about then on the one descent with any technical nous whatsoever, I hit a concrete surface meant to prevent erosion with some sand on it I did not see and flipped. My ankle flopped, and I feared it was like Italy and I was done at mile 28. Thankfully I limped it off a bit and ended up back at the start/finish in 5:15, grabbed some ice and asked the medical staff to tape the ankle. I was surprised that they refused. At that point I was pretty sure another 70 miles on a rolled ankle would be bridge too far.

Still, DNF was the worst outcome so I told them I would just go ahead anyway. It was on this lap that the contemplation got to me. I started thinking about my mom, getting very emotional; I thought about selfishly missing trick or treating with my kids; I thought about WS and its stupid lottery. At that point I hit the midway aid station, projectile vomited and said f**** WS. I would continue to run every hill (even if I walked, I mean power hiked some flats) and have fun, then make sure I was on the first flight out to see my son's last soccer game of the season, take my mom to lunch and have a heart to heart with her before she went home.

The lap back was likely the best. That damn false flat climb irritated me and got the best of me at times, but I ran the last 8 miles faster than I did all day, passed many people who thought I was done the second time they saw me puking and ran into the start/finish full speed at 12:20 elapsed. I picked up my 100km buckle, called the airline and switched my flight.

The next day was great -- my son did great at soccer and helped his team to an undefeated season, and I spent a great day with my mom. WS did not matter at all, and does not now. I will never travel again to qualify for a race, and I will not run a race I am not ready for just for the ^^%$$#%% of it. I cannot really explain my mood, but I am happy -- happy to hopefully keep running once the ankle swelling goes down, happy to be myself, happy to work hard to earn finishes again. Someone asked why I would stop at 100km when I could have walked it in -- the answer is I just did not care. Maybe I am not an ultrarunner -- that is ok as well. If I enter the WS lottery again, I will be at my best, not just limping along. I will not limp at races or in my family life -- our time here is too short. Sunday with my family was one of the best days I have had in a long time, so I have no regrets.

Thanks for sharing with us, Watoni.  It's a great report, mainly because of your ending.  It's a fantastic reminder and perspective on life (and running).

signed, Not an ultra runner either

I think that is truly a great report.

Thank you! I loved this report, and it sounds like you got exactly the kind of thing I hope for out of really long runs - clarity. I don't know about labels, but I like your style.

"You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run"

Thanks for sharing. After reading the first thing that came to mind was the lyrics of The Gambler.

As far as the juggling work, family and exercise goes, I've been there, done that. It gets frustrating at times. While I spent a lot of time with my family I still wish I would have spent less time working and more time with them.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Watoni. Great reminder of what is important, and what we should care about. Running means much, especially to ultra runners, but it should not be what life is all about. Family is more important.

Best wishes to your mom. I lost my MIL this year, and my own mom's dementia has progressed more rapidly than I ever anticipated, so I understand how you must feel about your mom. Enjoy the time with her while she can appreciate it.