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Mary Cain's courageous op-ed (Read 240 times)


It's a setup

    FTFY

     I'll "shut the fuck up now" and try to educate myself

    Marky_Mark_17


      I guess I need to be in an abusive relationship to understand it more. I'll "shut the fuck up now" and try to educate myself on what it takes to be an elite athlete made to feel like shit about everything I do. There seems to be no other way to understand this according to everyone here. Maybe I'll just go run since this is a running forum.

       

      No, you just need to show a bit more empathy.

       

      The thing about abusive relationships is that often there is a major power imbalance and because of this it is very hard to see that they are abusive until it's too late.  This is exactly what happened here.  Do you actually think a fully aware, rational person would have intentionally stayed in a situation that was so personally destructive to them?

      5,000m: 16:03 (Dec-18) | 10,000m: 32:58 (Nov-19) | 10km: 33:15 (Sep-19) 

      HM: 1:12:49 (Sep-19) | FM: 2:57:36 (Oct-17)

      Last race: The Agency Group 10,000m, 9 Nov, 32:58

      Up next: Kerikeri Half Marathon, 23 Nov

      "CONSISTENCY IS KING"

      dpschumacher


        I mean water boarding is not that bad. I would be tough enough and just remember to hold my breath.

         

        Yea...ok **eyeroll**

         

        Also having worked this victims of domestic violence resulting in homelessness...this may be one of the stupidest takes...makes sports jester look like a reasonable person

         

         

        It's not only having never been in a bad relationship. It's not being the person willing to subject another human being to the type of treatment I'd run from. Hindsight is nothing. If anything I'd use this article along with some experiences from Devon Yanko to teach any woman what types of treatment is unacceptable. It's unfortunate she subjected herself to this for so long. Alberto wasn't going to end the relationship. Nike probably wasn't going to end the relationship. The system wasn't set up to manage her relationships and it's honestly sad her parents did not end the relationship. As a parent I'd feel horrible if this was my child and she never told me any of this when it happened. Just like friends I know who were molested said they'd never tell THEIR parents and they are currently fathers of multiple kids.

         

        kilkee what could the system do differently? Another professional female athlete saw her struggle and did NOTHING about it. I'm glad you were able to get out of your situation and hope you're able to help others.

        2019 Goal: Run every day

        2019 Goal: Get to 165 lbs

        2019 Goal: Get in shape to be able to run 2 marathons in 2020


        an amazing likeness

          There seems to be no other way to understand this according to everyone here. Maybe I'll just go run since this is a running forum.

           

          Good lord, man. Just stop digging. You are simply seriously wrong.

          I've done my best to live the right way. I get up every morning and go to work each day.

          cookiemonster


          Connoisseur of Cookies

             

             

            When you choose to stay in an abusive relationship how are you a victim?  It is hard for me to understand someone being a victim when they're continuing a relationship destructive to themselves. How out of touch does one really have to be to stay in a relationship where you tell the other person you've started cutting yourself, the person you tell shows how little they care, and you stay in the relationship?

             

            For me, it is impossible to understand staying in a relationship with anyone who treats you like she outlines. Telling you to lose weight, telling you what to eat. Treating you like you're nothing because I wouldn't stay with someone who treated me this way. There are lots of ways to get help for abuse. I'm not blaming the victim. I'm blaming the adult who made decisions to cut weight in order to stay competitive then mentally defeated herself before a race started as the reason the adult was suffering for over two years. Just like anyone who hates their job but stays there because they need the money or benefits. Maybe professional athletes expect some kind of horrible treatment. I guess I'm out of touch with how professional athlete's lives with coaches are to be expected.

             

            By arguing that she made the decision to stay absolutely blames the victim.  People don't choose to enter into or stay in abusive relationships.  The processes involved are insidious.  The psychological trauma and manipulation involved are devastating.  Victims often feel they can't, for whatever reason, leave.  Victims are also often in a position mentally where the perceived consequences of leaving (violence directed at them or loved ones, financial ruin and worse) trap them in that awful place.

             

            You think you're being funny by turning my question around asking how out of touch does one really need to be to stay in an abusive relationship.  The sad thing is that that's just the point.  Abuse, no matter it's form, can alter the perceived reality of the victim so that he or she (yes, *ANYONE* be a victim of abusive relationships) believes for whatever reason that it's impossible to leave.

             

            You would do well to do some research on this topic.  You would do well to emerge from this abuse free bubble in which you seem to have placed yourself.

             

            Failing even the basic effort to try and improve your knowledge perhaps Mikeymike made the best suggestion in that you just shut the fuck up.

            ***************************************************************************************

             

            "C" is for cookie.  That's good enough for me.

            kcam


              Wow.  It appears the guy is adhering to mikeymike's advice ... maybe the rest of us can now stop regurgitating selections of his previous posts.

              PRs

              dpschumacher


                Also side note, I am sure Nike had clauses in the contract that forbade her from going to any other company during the length of the contract. So leaving likely would have meant leaving the sport or sitting out for years.

                2019 Goal: Run every day

                2019 Goal: Get to 165 lbs

                2019 Goal: Get in shape to be able to run 2 marathons in 2020

                  I'm just glad I ran all my lifetime PRs back before Nike invented PEDs for your feet (or whatever) so there's not even the temptation to try them.

                  Runners run.


                  Elite Jogger

                    I'm just glad I ran all my lifetime PRs back before Nike invented PEDs for your feet (or whatever) so there's not even the temptation to try them.

                     

                    LOL. Or the latest New Balance FuelCell 5280 / Hoka Carbon X shoes!

                    5k - 17:53 (2019)   10k - 37:53 (2018)   Half - 1:23:18 (2019)   Full - 2:50:43 (2019)

                      Has Nike parted ways with Alberto yet???

                       

                      Hopefully Mary can make a come back from this...

                       

                      she"s certainly young enough to.

                      300m- 37 sec.

                      wcrunner2


                      I'm out of ideas

                         

                        Hopefully Mary can make a come back from this...

                         

                        she"s certainly young enough to.

                         

                        She ran 21:50 when winning a 4-mile race in Central Park last May.  Haven't seen anything more recent.

                        2019 Races:

                             11/23/19 - Crooked Road 24

                        2020 Races:

                             07/11/20 - Ethan Allen 6-Hour

                          Mary is a total and complete badass.


                          No more Nike for me, either.

                          darkwave


                          Mother of Cats

                            I give her major props for going forward with this.

                             

                            That being said, I gently and respectfully disagree with her suggestion that involving more women in coaching, etc would reduce abuse in sport.  I find that suggestion to be frankly sexist, based on a stereotype of women as nurturing and softer.

                             

                            My previous sport before running was equestrian, in which men and women compere as equals, and both men and women coach (i.e. "train") at the highest levels.  I observed plenty of abusive behavior by trainers towards their students, I never saw any indication that one gender was more or less prone to that behavior as compared to the other.

                            Everyone's gotta running blog; I'm the only one with a POOL-RUNNING blog.

                             

                            And...if you want a running Instagram where all the pictures are of cats, I've got you covered.

                            Half Crazy K 2.0


                              I am more convinced than ever that most sports are entirely fucked up, especially as you get to the higher levels.

                               

                              I also disagree that more women in power would be a solution. Never close to an elite, but also a former gymnast. I spent the better part of my last year in the sport being weighed on a regular basis and being told it should be easy to drop 5lbs in a week. There was also some subtle stuff, like we would be grouped in what was essentially the preferred and unprefered group. If a coach called out, the outcast group got no coach, I was the oldest, so I was usually put in charge. My parents didn't pay good money for me to do this. I walked away. But the coach/person in charge: female. So it's relly hard for me to say women in charge is the answer. Also, currently there are at least 3 high level female coaches being investigated for how they treat athletes.

                                Is it fair to say that the sport simply needs fewer absolutely terrible human beings? (Ok, that’s oversimplified - as stated above, most sports are fucked up. We need systems that don’t reward horrible people/behaviors)

                                 

                                It also seems to me that the concepts like not starving your athletes and - as Stacy sims says - “women are not small men” should be graspable by non-horrible people of any sex or gender identity.

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