>Off the Beaten Path>Michael Phelps
Running is stupid
Old, Slow, Happy
Phelps ran barefoot--the only shoes he owns are flip-flops..
50,000 Miles Later
I've got a fever...
I don't know if you've heard about this, but his shoe size (if he did own any) is a 13. Why, his hands are the size of dinner plates. And his ears are such a spectacle that they used to create childhood bully scenarios.
On your deathbed, you won't wish that you'd spent more time at the office. But you will wish that you'd spent more time running. Because if you had, you wouldn't be on your deathbed.
Gotta Flee Em All
I'm running somewhere tomorrow. It's going to be beautiful. I can't wait.
Runner-up in last year's Kentucky Derby. Pay attention.
The one who broke both legs?
Menace to Sobriety
Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go f*** himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus.
I hear Phelps has been signed to replace Chuck Norris in all the jokes.