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Need suggestions...How can I include my spouse into my running life? (Read 520 times)

Runner man


Runner man

    Hey All,

    I am a competitive runner.  I workout often and go to races often.  

    My spouse is not a runner.  She comes to some races, but not all.

    My time away and dedication to running is causing a strain on my relationship.

    Any suggestions on how to make her feel included?

    How do you include your significant others ?

    How do you make them feel not ignored?

    Feeling like running could ruin my marriage and I love her and don't want that.

    Thanks.

      If the question isn't "How can I include my running into my married life?", then you're doing it wrong.

       

      You make your spouse feel not ignored by not ignoring him/her. And don't talk about running. For god's sake don't talk about running.

      Come all you no-hopers, you jokers and rogues
      We're on the road to nowhere, let's find out where it goes

        If the question isn't "How can I include my running into my married life?", then you're doing it wrong.

         

        You make your spouse feel not ignored by not ignoring him/her. And don't talk about running. For god's sake don't talk about running.

         

        Been running for 24 years or so. Gave up on including the wife in my running. All of my workouts are done early am, no impact on the wife or family. Weekend long runs same thing. Back home in time for the family. Races are few and far between with plenty of advance notice. Sometimes the family or wife will attend, but their choice. Its' a lifestyle choice that is made to not interfere with the family.

        UPSucks


          My wife rides her bike with me on weekends and sometimes during the week depending on our kids schedule.

          GC100k


            If the question isn't "How can I include my running into my married life?", then you're doing it wrong.

             

            Yep.  Done in one.

            edcrawfordlv


              Volunteer at aid stations with her.   Probably more fun if you choose a mid-size or smaller race.  That way you can set it up as a 'day at the beach' kind of event.  Spend some money to theme out your station and try and make it as much of a party as you can.   The best part is, some race directors give you discounts on future races if you volunteer.

               

              Then try and convince her to work an aid station with some friends the next time while you do a race.

               

              Or run faster so your running won't take up as much time.  Smile

                If the question isn't "How can I include my running into my married life?", then you're doing it wrong.

                 

                You make your spouse feel not ignored by not ignoring him/her. And don't talk about running. For god's sake don't talk about running.

                 

                This.

                Runners run.

                carolynlaitsch


                gramapower

                  My spouse will occasionally walk a 5K while I run a race.  I have also tried to go to races that are in places that he wants to see.  We plan a vacation around it.  If he isn't interested in joining me I don't pressure him into coming.  He has helped me on my long run training by taking me xx miles from home and dropping me off so I can do a" homing pigeon" run.

                  carolynlaitsch

                    Compromise.

                     

                    Run fewer races and adjust your weekly schedule to reduce its impact.

                     

                    Do things with her that she likes, even if it means grinding your teeth.  Like shopping and visiting your in-laws.

                     

                    It isn't easy.  It is a balance between her supporting your hopes and dreams, and you supporting hers.

                    2013 H1:  7 hours/week base.  Q3: Train for goal race.  Q4:  Goal Race.


                    Fat butt on couch

                      A lot of it will depend on the personalities and the particular relationship, but if you are where you are worried that running may ruin your relationship you are already in danger of having your priorities backwards.

                       

                      When my future wife and I began getting serious, I made it very clear to her that there were several parts of my personality that would never change and if she had a problem with them, don't plan on it ever changing and deal with it now.  One of those things was that I would run.  A lot.

                       

                      Part of the reaction is going depend on how you approach it.  Both times I decided to try and qualify for the Olympic Trials I asked for her support up front...I told her that it would require a lot of sacrifices and working around my workouts, which would need to come first.  But I also told her that if she was not supportive I would not do it and she was more important.  She was supportive and spent a lot of time waiting around for me and working around workouts/races.  Untold Saturdays lugging around a backpack full of running clothes and gear and waiting for me to finish.  Waiting around while I slept 10 hours a day.  However in return, whenever I was NOT running she and whatever she wanted to do was priority over everything else.  I worked to compensate for what she gave to running by giving back in other places in our time/relationship.

                       

                      For several years after I was no longer competing at that level I still had the drive to be as fast as I could be.  However with kids etc entering the picture it really was time to give back and running took a backseat.

                       

                      Nobody can tell you exactly what will work for your relationship.  But if you are thinking of running first and her second you are headed down a bad road.

                      "If you want to be a bad a$s, then do what a bad a$s does.  There's your pep talk for today.  Go Run." -- Slo_Hand

                       


                      Race Less Train More

                        +1

                        Oldman

                        spaniel

                        seilerts

                         

                        Find the middle ground. DW will not go to races unless airfare is in the plan.Next trip Hawaii!

                        Run until the trail runs out.

                        2013***1500 miles

                        50 miler

                         

                         

                        unsolicited chatter

                        http://bkclay.blogspot.com/

                        zonykel


                           

                          Any suggestions on how to make her feel included?

                          How do you include your significant others ?

                          How do you make them feel not ignored?

                           

                          I don't think you can make your wife get involved. If she wanted to do that, she would have done it on her own. You need to work out your priorities and talk to your wife about what's important. If you think running is straining your relationship, that may be just the tip of the iceberg. There could be other underlying issues.

                          GinnyinPA


                            Since she doesn't run, can you include her in your cross-training?  i.e. go on bike rides with her, hiking, swimming, etc.    My husband can't run, but we walk together every day.  Good for both of us.  We both love camping.  He enjoys the campground with the dog, while I go running.  What are her interests that you can support?

                              +1 to all the above - it's all about balance and compromise. My wife has no interest in running , never has and never will. But she loves to walk or hike so I invited her to join me while I run with my running club (I host a run every Mon. evening). We get to the park 1/2 hr early so she can get started and by the time I stretch and cool down, she's done with her walk.  She quickly became friends with several of the members of the club, became friends with them on fb and now regularly gets together with them for activities outside of running so it's worked out great. Also going to ask her if she would like to volunteer with me at a few races this summer. Like the others have said, try to schedule your workouts so that they have as little impact on your day to day lives as possible and don't talk about running unless it's necessary. Good luck!

                              5K - 20:42 / 10K - 46:02 / 13.1 - 1:39:32 / 26.2 - 3:43:20

                               

                                Your situation sounds exactly like mine was a few years ago.  I think it is perfectly happy and normal for spouses to spend some time apart pursuing their own interest.  It shouldn't be too much to ask for a man to have 1-2 hours of a day to himself if he is otherwise a good hubby.  Certainly everyone should be able to maintain some of their own identity even after marriage.  While that is what should happen, I know what its like to have the joy sucked out of it.  For me the issue was never totally resolved.  My wife was always jealous of running despite the fact that I was running long before we met.  Now I lift and throw and she is jealous of that.  However the only thing that seemed to create some kind of harmony in my more serious running days was to have her ride a bike with me as I ran.

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