Chubby hubby syndrome (Read 1870 times)

OP here - I am so appreciative of all the great, supportive comments that I have received. I'm still taking it all in. As some of you have hinted at, there are some deeper issues in my marriage. Without airing all my dirty laundry, let me just say that I am basically the breadwinner in the family and I know he feels awful about not being able to support us. I have a great career, make good money, and I'm happy with life. I think my running is the scapegoat for all the insecurities that he feels about himself. I don't think I realized that when I first posted - I really did think it was about running, and I just wanted to know how I could get more support. But now I realize there are deeper issues to work through. Despite everything else, I'm never going to stop running. It is far too empowering. After a good run, I feel like I could conquor anything. I know that sounds totally cheesy - but its true! I love, love, love what nobby415 said about being "uncommon" - that is how it makes me feel! Thanks again, and I'm sorry to those of you who are struggling like I am.

I dig all Nobby posts, since CR days. I don't mean to hijack this thread, but from reading the post here and similar ones before I feel it's harder to find supportive husbands than wives

...Without airing all my dirty laundry, let me just say that I am basically the breadwinner in the family and I know he feels awful about not being able to support us. I have a great career, make good money, and I'm happy with life. I think my running is the scapegoat for all the insecurities that he feels about himself. I don't think I realized that when I first posted - I really did think it was about running, and I just wanted to know how I could get more support. But now I realize there are deeper issues to work throug...

I have been unsure of my life before (I loved the scene in "Rocky II" when he lost his job--cleaning dirty floor at meat factory--and hitting the punching bag and Adrean said she's going to work... He hit it a few more times after she went away...HARD; with frustration on his face. I love that scene...because I feel for it; been there, done that!). I've lost a job before while my wife was THE bread-winner. So he feels terrible and insecure and feel bad that you're doing all and that's why he makes you feel bad for doing what you love to do? I'm sorry, don't mean to be harsh on your hubby but, that ain't no excuse. THAT is being selfish.

...Despite everything else, I'm never going to stop running. It is far too empowering. After a good run, I feel like I could conquor anything. I know that sounds totally cheesy - but its true!

Arthur Lydiard, my old mentor, used to say; "Even if all you can do is to get out and run for 15 minutes, you're still winning." You're already conquring your world; so keep your chin up and be proud!!! ;o)

Chris, sorry your chubby hubby is unsupportive, and I hope things improve in your relationship. This thread has made me more aware of how unsupportive I've been about one of my husband's passions. He likes to collect musical instruments, particularly drums and cymbals. Some he keeps and some he resells. The main issues I have with this are (1) he plans to resell stuff but doesn't get around to it, because selling is so much harder and less fun than buying, (2) it takes up a lot of room in the house, and (3) I think he has an unhealthy addiction to eBay. He also spends quite a bit of money on this interest, although when he does resell stuff he makes a decent profit. This thread has made me take a step back and look at the big picture. I'm not supportive of him and not happy with him. He's not happy because I'm not happy. He's pretty neutral about my running - not supportive or unsupportive. He did get me a Garmin for my birthday, because I asked for it, although he kind of makes fun of it. He rolls his eyes a lot when I say I'm going for a run, but doesn't really object. But he does brag to his family and friends about the half marathons I've run this year so I guess he kind of likes it. Our daughter is 15 so childcare is not an issue for us. Although I'm as addicted to running as he is to eBay, I think my addiction is better because it's healthy, doesn't cost much, and doesn't clutter up the house with stuff. But its still an addiction, and still a passion for me. I would love it if he was more supportive. But this clearly is a two-way street. If we both support each other we will both be happier. So thank you to all of you for helping me to see this more clearly.

I dig all Nobby posts, since CR days. I don't mean to hijack this thread, but from reading the post here and similar ones before I feel it's harder to find supportive husbands than wives

I don't agree with this. I have a similar situation, but my wife is the one who is overweight and not into fitness. I've been running for 2.5 years and it has been a HUGE issue for us. In short, she doesn't get it, doesn't want to get it. I recently just got her to stop complaining about it. We have 2 kids and the youngest goes off to college in the fall so we're in a tenuous place in our marraige. I think she started realizing that and has slowed way down on the complaining. Bob

Thanks for asking! I've had some discussions with my husband, and although he still doesn't "get it", he at least understands that its iimportant to me and he has been trying to be more supportive. The real test will be Saturday morning, when I'm planning to run 17 miles for my marathon training, and will be gone for a longer period of time. Funny thing is, he used to be a serious runner - he actually won a 5k in highschool and still holds a state record from back when he was 12 at the state games - so you'd think he'd understand a bit. His biggest thing is that he feels like running is more important to me than he is - so I've been trying to make him feel more important too. On Monday night, we took our 2 daughters to the local high school track. We ran, walked, and had a fun time as a family. It definitely wasn't my best workout, but we had fun. Even he admitted that it was fun, so I think we're going to try and do that at least once a week. BTW - my daughters kicked butt. My 2 year old ran an entire lap without stopping, and my 4 year old made 3 laps.

Hope this one works out for you........I know my wife used to run some but stopped (this was way back before Kids). Now I go out almost every day and try to get my kids 16 yr old son and 14 yr old daughter running. She isn't non-supportive but at the same time also isn't supportive.....she looks at running as something thats harder then walking and not really required (since in her opinion, and I quote "walking gives you all the same benefits as running". I know yesterday, we were talking and she asked me if I was 'still' planning on training for another Marathon.....and when I sad yes, she just said "WHY" and then said that she just doesnt understand because 20 mins a day running 3 days a week is all anyone needs to stay healthy. And said that anyone who runs more then that is running for a different reason......at which I replied, the she ought to get to understand those other reasons and then she would understand and start running again or at least be quiet to me about it .............that quieted her down ....Then I went for my Tuesday 3 miler.... Many times when my son or daughter actually 'want' to go out for a run, she often tells them it's to hot or to cold or too late or too early or too something......(I live in New England - Its alway too something for running...there are only 4 or 5 days a year that are perfect). I understand where you are coming from.................In my next life I will marry a running chick......

...Funny thing is, he used to be a serious runner - he actually won a 5k in highschool and still holds a state record from back when he was 12 at the state games - so you'd think he'd understand a bit...

Chris: Glad to hear things are working out gradually... Now above comment of yours caught my attention, however... This is not a "funny thing" at all. In fact, I'm not surprised at all. The higher you once were, the more traumatic it would be once you'd fallen off from it. From what you've said, he's almost 100lbs over-weight now? Hey, I know how I once looked and I know how pathetically slow I am now! It hurts. He probably sees his prime in you right now. It's probably a constant reminder to him. When the man reaches that point and realize that, there are one of 3 things he would do; 1) get up and do something about it (I'm sorta trying now! ;o)), 2) completely ignore it or 3) deny it desperately by putting you down. Of course, (2) would have been easier and nicer for you; but it's hard to do especially he it's something he still remotely cares about. I've had some rough time at work for a while. There was a time that I didn't run much at all. I gained weight (Kathrine Switzer once told me, after I started getting back in shape; "You WERE fat!"). Sure, I tried to ignore but it wasn't easy when you sat down on the beach and come home to recognize zig-zag tan line on my tummy! That was the lowest! ;o) (and thank God, it was about 10 years ago now) Now I'm sort of almost stubborn about getting back in shape. I run twice a day almost everyday (about 12 times a week). Last weekend, I ran 2:15 over very hilly course with the girl I'm coaching; then in the evening, I said to my wife that I was going out for a "quicky"; she rolled her eyes and said, "I don't understand why you have to go for the second when you already ran 2-hours in the morning..." And this is from someone who had run 7 marathons herself! But, you see, now she's feeling a bit jealous because she busted her ACL last Christmas and can't run as much. It hurts her. But anyways, I guess the point is; with that piece of information, I'd say you'll probably have to be extra sensitive for him. I'm sure his pride is being eaten up inside of him. It's always so much easier to drag others down instead of trying to do something about it. You'll probably need to slowly get him out and do something with you and your family. Going on to the track was a great idea! In fact, I was going to suggest something called "maratonic". It's a combination of long run and picnic. You get out and start running toward some park or something. An hour or so later, your hubby and kids can hop on a bike, with your change and picnic basket; get together at the park and have a picnic and come home... Well, usually it's "driving a car" instead of biking and I said bike ride so he can do some sort of physical activity; but then you woundn't have a bike there, huh? Well, bring the bike the day before and leave it there (don't forget to lock it!)...or something like that. Get a family activity out of it. Get him out and encourage him to slowly get back in shape. Do some cool-down jog with him. Eventually, he'll have to swallow his pride and start doing something about his state of fitness.