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Need suggestions...How can I include my spouse into my running life? (Read 520 times)


Cry havoc!

    You make time for that which is important to you.  Make damn sure your spouse is at the top of that list.

    E.J.
    Greater Lowell Road Runners
    Cry havoc and let slip the dawgs of war!

    May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be always at your back, may the sun shine warm upon your SPF30, may the rains fall soft upon your sweat-wicking hat, and until you hit the finish line may The Flying Spaghetti Monster hold you in the hollow of His Noodly Appendage.

      You make time for that which is important to you.  Make damn sure your spouse is at the top of that list.

       

      You shouldn't need to make that happen.

       

      Maybe the OP's running is more important than the spouse. Nothing wrong with that. However, show the spouse the respect they deserve and call it quits if you have to. You may regret it in years to come and wonder why you pissed away your time on running. Or you may go to your deathbed proud of your achievements. Only you can decide that.

      CSP


        I started running to support my husband's goal to run a marathon.  I'd never run before--been married 10 years (together longer than that). My running started in late Feb--I kept the first week or two a secret to make sure I could hack it.

         

        Those who say: " my wife will never run" could be surprised one day when she does.  Just make sure whatever she does--whatever hobbies she has now--you support her exactly as you'd like to be supported with your own hobbies.

         

        Now, 3 months into training, husband is injured and I am signed up to run the Half at his targetted Marathon.  He's driving me to the start and will be there for me at the finish line.  Today he brought me water (he was in the middle of mowing the lawn when I called) because I hadn't brought enough with me on my last long training run.

          Of course it's true that your marriage should take priority, but I have to give you credit for seeking out ideas. Great that you want to find some harmony - don't wait to do something. Even a small gesture goes a long way to show your intent.

           

          Your wife may see your competitive approach and think that that scene isn't for her when there's more to the local racing thing than that. Runners tend to be welcoming and enthusiastic and if she's even remotely interested, I think the idea of the local running club (if there is one) is great. There are often a lot of garden variety social events that would be something you could both enjoy equally. If she doesn't want to run, maybe she'd be interested in taking photos... runners *love* their race photos and she could quickly find herself the most popular person in the group.

            If the question isn't "How can I include my running into my married life?", then you're doing it wrong.

             

            You make your spouse feel not ignored by not ignoring him/her. And don't talk about running. For god's sake don't talk about running.

             

            Great advice for all relationships with normal people (I.e., non-runners).

            "If you have the fire, run..." -John Climacus

            Chantilly75


            It's always something..

              Golfer husbands don't worry about this. They spend hours out on the course/driving range/golf store, etc.

              Why do runners have to feel guilty?

               

               

               

               


              Needs more cowbell!

                Golfer husbands don't worry about this. They spend hours out on the course/driving range/golf store, etc.

                Why do runners have to feel guilty?

                 

                I blame WASP enculturation.  I don't come from a family of golfers...my dad never golfed and his dad only golfed socially maybe once/week and mostly only during their Winters in FL.  But I have always lived in golf-heavy areas and witnessed the phenomenon of golf-widows left to take over all household and child-rearing duties while their spouses disappeared for the better part of the weekend clad in fugly pants.  The fact that there is an entire cable network dedicated to the sport simply enforces the notion that it's perfectly normal and acceptable for a person to disappear for an entire day at least once/week to engage in a hobby.  The same could be said of those who avidly hunt during more than just whitetail shotgun season, but at least that pastime can help feed a family.

                 

                Perhaps golfers (of either gender, though it seems to be vastly the guys who do this) SHOULD be feeling some guilt if they're monopolizing the majority of quality family time engaged in a sport away from their family.

                Kirsten - aka "Auntie Kirsten"

                '14 Goals:

                • 2 olympic distance duathlons -- 6 days apart -- PR at least 1

                • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

                  One thing I would say is don't give up completely on the fact that she may at one point decide to run herself.

                   

                  My wife has been running for 20+ years.  She's run 6 marathons, lots of half marathons, member of the local running club, etc.  For most of those 20 years I was somewhat supportive, maybe set water out for her on the long runs and went with her on most of her destination races, but not all of them.  I ran a few 5Ks with her, over the years but never ran more than 10 miles a week of training ever and most of the time ran 0 miles a week.  I never felt that her running took a priority over me though.  She was never running much more than 40 mile weeks though even when she was training for her marathons.

                   

                  The change for me came when I was 43 and starting to get where I wasn't in good enough shape to keep as active as I wanted to for my main hobby of hunting.  I started running to get in shape, lose weight, etc.  Then I got more and more into running itself and now I'm actually logging more miles than my wife.

                   

                  I try to balance my time as much as possible for all my hobbies, sometimes that means running in the morning, sometimes running on the treadmill after dark, etc.  One key that several have mentioned is that you need to spend quality time with your wife and kids doing things they like as much as you can.

                   

                  Good luck.

                  Age: 45 Weight: 208 Height: 6'2" (Goal weight 195)

                  Current PR's:  Mara 3:48:09; HM 1:43:26; 10K 44:51; 5K 21:27

                    I think the difference between golfers and runners is that, while golfers may disappear on the weekend, runners disappear every day and then, if they race a lot, they disappear on the weekend as well.  If you are a competitive runner, you are probably running 10 hours a week or so.  If you run 10 hours a week, then you may be taking up twice that much time because you have to drive to where you are running, warm up, cool down, stretch, do any strength training, etc, etc, etc.  That's a part time job even on weeks when you aren't racing.

                    Short term goal: 17:59 5K

                    Mid term goal:  2:54:59 marathon

                    Long term goal: To say I've been a runner half my life.  (I started running at age 45).

                      I think the difference between golfers and runners is that, while golfers may disappear on the weekend, runners disappear every day and then, if they race a lot, they disappear on the weekend as well.  If you are a competitive runner, you are probably running 10 hours a week or so.  If you run 10 hours a week, then you may be taking up twice that much time because you have to drive to where you are running, warm up, cool down, stretch, do any strength training, etc, etc, etc.  That's a part time job even on weeks when you aren't racing.

                       

                      No. I run about 9 hours a week presently. Most of it takes place before my family is awake and requires no driving.

                      Runners run.

                         No. I run about 9 hours a week presently. Most of it takes place before my family is awake and requires no driving.

                         

                        +1

                         

                        You find a way. For me, using my lunch break to run ~3-4 hours of my weekly running and doing the rest (except for at least half of my long run) while my wife is at the gym for Zumba with her girlfriends lets me keep the time away because of running to a minimum.

                         

                        For me:

                        Wife/Family = #1

                        Work = #2

                        Running = #3

                         

                        If those priorites start changing then I know I'm doing something wrong.

                        FatSweatyBullDog


                          Bring her along

                            +1 on the compromise aspect, everyone's compromise is a little different.

                             

                            With a wife and an active 20 month old boy I tried varying from my typical routine of running and lifting from about 7-9:30 in total each night.  Lifting's not a big deal, I'm right in the basement if she needs me.  But running was taking me out of the house.   I started running at 6:30AM, because she felt the load with the baby was not equitable (the fact I do most of the cleaning and all of the grocery shopping apparently doesn't count).

                             

                            I am not a morning person and it was not good for me, even after a few weeks when I was supposed to start feeling better.  So I tried waiting until after the kid was getting to bed which put me back at 8:15 or 8:30 or later.  But between that and her foot surgery when I had to do most of the heavy lifting with the kid, I'm having a ton of trouble getting in the mileage and running more than 3 or 4 days a week.  So my compromise was to shell out for a new treadmill, which I wanted to avoid.  But now I can run in the basement later at night or even at 7 without an issue, if she needs me I'll be there, or I can put the monitor in the basement while he's asleep.  She said she would start using it too, we'll see.  I'll at least be better with getting my runs in and it makes her happy, anyway.

                              Preface - our kids are grown and out of the house and have no grandkids yet.  Children obviously change the dynamic a whole lot.

                               

                              You have to make choices.

                               

                              I choose to use my lunch hour M-F without fail for training.  So that's five of my 10 hours of training per week.  Maybe you can't do that at this point in your career?  Choice.  Three to five more hours occur on the weekends very early in the morning.  Sometimes my wife comes with me on her mountain bike, as she did this Saturday morning on my 15 miler.

                               

                               

                              I chose to give up my other hobbies almost completely when I started to get a little more serious about running - I have two dirtbikes and three mountain bikes that hardly ever get ridden anymore.  Dirt bikes are getting sold (too old and breakable for that anymore) but I'm keeping the mountain bikes.

                               

                              The other thing is to participate in her hobby.  My wife's hobby - tennis.  I am her hitting partner a couple times per week in the evenings.  She plays competitive tennis during the day, weekends and some evenings.  I sometimes RUN to where her match is, watch some or all of it, then run back home.

                               

                              Bottom line is that we support each other 100% in our activities and would never try to restrict the other's pursuit of their passion.


                              Needs more cowbell!

                                 

                                +1

                                 

                                You find a way.

                                 

                                Yes.  I do my running as much as possible while the rugrat is at school and DH is at work.  We bought a tandem road bike (DH and DS ride that while I ride along on my solo bike) so that we can do rides as a family AND get our workouts in simultaneously.  And the kid gets to be active, too.  While I may still put in >10 hours of workouts in the middle of the Summer, <half of that time requires me to be away from my family when they are home.  If this system didn't work for even one of us, then it would be adapted to work for the family, since family > workouts.

                                Kirsten - aka "Auntie Kirsten"

                                '14 Goals:

                                • 2 olympic distance duathlons -- 6 days apart -- PR at least 1

                                • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

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