Back after a long break (Read 62 times)

That's Ms Squeak to you!

    hallo loves! Huge long life story post here! Brace yourselves... grab a cuppa.


    It’s been a while. Like, a really long while. I feel like I’m coming in for my confession, forgive me my fellow runners, for it has been 6 months since I last donned my Garmin and shoes...


    I have hardly run for the past two to three years. It’s quite stunning how quickly that time adds up when you’re just surviving. Starting about 4 years ago I had the most ridiculous run of shitty stuff happen, beginning with a depressive episode, breaking up with my partner of 11 years (his call, messaged me when I was overseas to tell me. Yeah, total grown-up.), issues with my job, misdiagnosed gallstones leading to liver damage (hospital doctors: “so, how much do you drink, Ms Raven?” Me: 😳), moving cities, joining a private practice (health practitioner here), financial strain due to new business issues, another depressive episode, over 10kg of weight gain due to meds, and my 31yo sister dying last August from a preventable cancer (get your cervix check if you have one!)


    I know they’re all first world problems but the gallbladder issue and subsequent liver damage was the thing that messed up my running the most. My GP had diagnosed oesophageal spasm due to stress so I was suffering 2 or 3 severe gall bladder attacks per week (apparently they’re as painful as childbirth!) and no one told me to avoid fat so I was comfort eating (laksa and spaghetti bol are my go to comfort foods) which would of course trigger attacks, ended up hospitalised after I nearly passed out at work. By then my liver was so shot the hospital staff just assumed I was a chronic alcoholic from my liver function tests.


    Fun fact: if your liver is damaged you can’t convert glycogen to energy so every time you try to run, your body will crash.


    And then your doctor, who doesn’t realise it’s your gallbladder screwing with your liver, will say, “Monica you need to get out there and run, you know that’s how you deal with your stress”, and you will feel like a COMPLETE failure, and you’ll try this for nearly 6months until you end up in hospital and by then... you’re probably not going to run for a while.


    After amost a year of not running, I did C25K in April this year, but when I got to week 9 I stopped again. So I haven’t run since June. My beautiful little sister Becky died in August and I went into survival mode, being the eldest of 6 kids it was on me to do a lot of the work for her funeral etc, my poor mum has been flat out taking custody of her 8 and 9yo daughters from their ice-addicted father.


    Last week, my other wonderful sister, Angela, who is the youngest at 29 (I’m 44), dragged me out for a short run (c25K week 4).


    It was slow.


    It was not pretty.


    I thought I got a stitch because I pulled a muscle in my back.


    Everyone, I am SO unfit, it breaks my heart. I have gone from running half marathons on the weekends for fun, to having no core strength and getting winded from going up a flight of stairs. I feel teary just typing this to you all. I feel such a sense of intense loss around my running.  It was always my haven, and I feel like I’ve lost it.


    Part of the difficulty of moving cities has been that I went from runner/cycle friendly Canberra, where I was less than 1km from a beautiful lake with bush-surrounds and bike paths to run round, to living in suburban Ashfield and pounding the pavement while traffic roars by right next to me.


    Talking to my psychologist, I told him about missing running but being unable to get back into it, and I recalled to him this lovely community here, and how I used to spend hours on the forums here and at Coolrunnings. And I remembered. These forums, these people (you!) were what got me out there a lot of the time.


    So, hi.


    Im back.


    I have done that C25K week 4 run twice again since I pulled my back last week and I’m dragging my yoga mat out to get that core strength up again.


    Wish me luck! And feel free to chat, pm me, instagram me @monicaravenart and @loveisapostcard or whatever takes you.


    <3 Squeak


    (Monica) x


    Half Faster Runners 2023

      Welcome back! That's the great thing about our sport. The road is always waiting whether it's been a day, a month or longer. I'm sorry you've had such a hard year; I can't imagine losing one of my sisters (I've got 5 siblings) Lace them up. Go again. You know how to do this!

      Half Fanatic #9292. 

      Game Admin for RA Running Game 2023.



        Hi Monica.  I'm terribly sorry about the loss of your sister. I can't fathom your pain but I'm glad you're headed in the right direction.

        Just recently having gallbladder surgery myself,  I can attest to gallstones attacks being incredibly painful. I have a high tolerance for pain but even so I passed out three times which scared the bejeebies out of my husband who thought I was having a heart attack. Thankfully it was all finally taken care of.  I'm glad you were finally diagnosed properly and on the road to recovery.


        *it's Bertha or me. My money is on me.*

         **"There is no growth in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone".---- Sandy**