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Question for competitive female runners?
Question for competitive female runners? (Read 1088 times)
posted: 4/2/2007 at 1:14 PM
Hi Gwyneth, Welcome to the site! I think you are one incredibly honest and introspective person. You're being honest about your experience, and it sounds like you just want to hear the truth about the effects of amenorrea from someone who will understand your history. Abb's right, just go to a female doctor, as your comfort is the primary concern. It only takes 1 bad experience or dr-patient relationship to cause a lack of trust, and if that was with a male for you, get to someone you can talk with more comfortably. I completely agree with you that this has nothing to do with your ED, so I would recommend your not going to an old school psychoanalyst to hear all about your supposed-freudian issues. That is not what's going on here and I don't think that would help you progress. But I would say to take your coach's advice on getting to therapy (boyfriend, too, if you're bored and need some distraction).
Some others have said this, but I'd like to stress that you should get the help that YOU need. Call your school counseling center (many offer 10 or so free sessions/semester) and tell them how important a good clinical match is for you at this point in your life. You can ask for someone with experience with EDs or BDD or athletes or whatever. Some schools even post a list of the counselors' specialties and experience so you could ask for a specific one. Tell the receptionist the qualities of the person you would like to meet with. That first one-hour clincial interview is where you should be most straightforward about your goals for therapy (great point, Muse). Yes, many women have eating disorders. It's not silly, but you want to be recovered. Or you are recovered and want to be sure you really are healthy. Be honest with yourself about if you are recovered. Are you purging via exercise? This is dangerous and masks EDs. It could be related to your running triggers. Does running "permit" you to eat more calories now? When you say "eat like a horse", how accurate is your perception? Do you log food intake? How is your body perception? I'm sure you're aware of BDD. You might want to inquire about depression. These are really hard questions, but from your history these are questions I would be concerned about and ruling out right away. Get to a counselor, you'll figure it out. Get a referral for a doctor from them. I don't mean to be harsh, just honest with you on my view from your story. Good for you for treating your body well and taking active measures to ensure that you are relaxed, decompressing, and getting to the root of this problem. That's the important part.
posted: 4/4/2007 at 8:03 PM
Hey - thanks for the responses, again
I'm a bit delayed getting back to this thread, (busy finishing up a term paper!) - but thanks for the advice. Trent- i guess being self-destructive is hard to admit, but there's only so long you can continue fooling yourself that things are okay.... I'm lucky to have such a relatively healthy body... amazing in its resiliency- but.. yeah. if I keep up with the self-destruction, it probably won't be able to bounce back quite as readily. There's just always the inclination to argue, "but that won't happen to me!" anorexics, drug addicts... mm. i think all of my eloquence was used up on that paper. But I did want to say that I just found out that I was accepted into an internship program in Geneva next fall (v. excited!) contingent on my going to at least a few sessions of therapy before the end of this semester. (prior agreement with parents) I was going to stop by my university's counseling center today, until it started SNOWING. Lol. I love weather. I had to run home from class, totally unprepared for the snow/slush, wearing a hooded sweatshirt and clutching my notebooks.... 3.6 miles in 26 minutes, despite the puddles and slush! woo. Changed into some more appropriate clothing (+gloves) when I got home, and went back out to finish the run in the snow. So much fun
"Or you are recovered and want to be sure you really are healthy. Be honest with yourself about if you are recovered. Are you purging via exercise? This is dangerous and masks EDs. It could be related to your running triggers. Does running "permit" you to eat more calories now? When you say "eat like a horse", how accurate is your perception? Do you log food intake? How is your body perception? I'm sure you're aware of BDD. You might want to inquire about depression. These are really hard questions, but from your history these are questions I would be concerned about and ruling out right away." All really good questions. Been there, had the thoughts... But I honestly think I'm pretty far on the road to being totally recovered-- just when I get stressed (races, exams) - I tend to slide backwards a bit. So on most days, I feel normal and healthy, but then I hit a rough patch and fall flat on my face, and it's tough to be able to find my way back to where I was. My avoidance of therapy is mostly because when I'm doing well I feel as though I've never been better, but when I do start sliding backwards, I'm usually not in the mindset of wanting help... But therapy will probably better equip me to deal with the ups and downs. of life in general too, not just eating issues. Being in Geneva next fall would also mean no XC season. sad, but a pressure-release as well. At this point, I like running just to run, not to achieve some level of "fastness" that I push myself toward when I start running competitively for a team. I'd also wanted to run Boston next year (it'll be the 112th marathon, and I have a slight obsession with the number twelve) but.. that's probably unrealistic too
Maybe I should wait until the 121st. mmm. Or maybe the 112th marathon will just be a really good one to watch
Speaking of watching... can't wait for the 16th!
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Question for competitive female runners?
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