RD's with a sense of humor (Read 1544 times)


    The White River 50 starts each year with a pre-race briefing.  I think it's always the same...


    "It's just two climbs.  That one..." (race director points at mountain one), "and that one..." (race director points at mountain two).


      heh, not the race director but another runner at the Grey Rock Trail 50k:


      Runner: "See that (pointing towards a mountain), that's a false peak, there's another one beyond you have to climb"


      Me: "Oh. Then what?"


      Runner: "Then the trail turns to shit"


      He was not wrong

      "Famous last words"  ~Bhearn

      12 Monkeys

        Some comments a stinky RD I know has sent in emails to his runners before last year's race:


        - You cannot actually train for this race.  Don't even try.  It is futile.  But running is stupid groovy, so don't stop now.

        - Dallas once said, "if the runners want fluid on course, they should pray for rain".  Dallas is a wise man.


        - No, I have no idea what the weather will be.  There is a distinct possibility that we will have some.  Who really knows, though.  Especially here in September. [race is in November]

        - I suspect that there are a few of you out there that have found wisdom over the past weeks and months of jogging around, pretending to train for this thing.


        - We will not have automatic text messaging of your splits from this race, to be sent to friends and family everywhere.  We will not have finish line videos streaming over the web, indexed with your bib number.  We will not have cheer squads along the way, with a competition for best spirit and costume.  We will not have pace groups.


        - We will NOT be using racing chips, B-Tags, D-Tags or anything else like that. Your timing chip/strip will not be on the back of your bib number.  If you DO find a timing strip there, DO remove the timing strip, DO crumple or fold your number, DO remove the tear tag from your bib, DO cover the number, and go find the race you should be running.


        - Less than 5 weeks remain.  If training would help, and it won't, you should possibly consider starting.

        Options,Account, Forums

          Something I saw recently:


          If anyone asks, no one knows where (omitted trail race name) is. I ain't starting a lottery.

          It's a 5k. It hurt like hell...then I tried to pick it up. The end.

            Trent is too modest.  Most everyone knows this here, but some won't:


                     Ours has become an age of flat and fast marathons on city streets and in urban jungles, with more focus on times, course certification, gadgets, charities and putting on a big show than on running. Many modern marathons have become spectacles rather than athletic events. But it was not always this way. Marathons used to be about running for the sake of running. They were about pushing oneself beyond the physiologic limits of the human body. While running.

                     The Harpeth Hills Flying Monkey Marathon is meant to be an antidote. Featured in Marathon & Beyond and in Runners' World magazines, it is a marathon that is about running. Running hard. Running over big and memorable and painful rolling hills through dense woods. Running with other like-minded athletes. The Harpeth Hills Flying Monkey Marathon is about the joy and pain of running a unique, and uniquely challenging--some would say beastly--26.2 mile course in the beautiful and historic Percy Warner Park, nestled among the Middle Tennessee Harpeth Hills.

                     We will time and measure the distance, but the course will not be certified, we will not use timing chips, and it will not be a Boston qualifying event. If you get to the end and you (or your gadget) believe the route to be long, we won't charge you extra; if you believe it to be short, just keep running. There will be no bands, cheerleaders, wave starts or crowds. We promise no marathon Personal Records, but we guarantee every runner a PR - a Permanent Remembrance of a well-earned marathon finish. We promise to give you approximately 26.2 tough and memorable miles, with a total of over 3600 feet each of elevation gain and loss, or over 7200 feet of overall elevation change.

                      Sure, there are other road marathons out there claiming to be America's toughest. But they are no Monkey. Come out and join us in Nashville. We look forward to seeing you.



            For years I've been wondering what all this Monkey business is about. Sounds like a great race. (Except for the elevation.)


              Stumpy's Marathon (http://dottschemistry.wikispaces.com/Stumpy%27s+Marathon),


               The race course may include: dirt, bugs, water, dirty bugs, dirty water, mud, rocks, roots, fallen trees, muddy squirrels, dirty snakes, the toothless guys from Deliverance suggesting you make a noise like a piggie, and other low-down nasty stuff.  Think of it this way:  If even one runner completes the course without injury, they you could have done so also.  If anything goes wrong, IT IS YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT.  The act of starting this race, implies your complete agreement with the foregoing statement."


              This race just made my bucket list.


              Ha!!! That's good stuff....!

              Consistently Slow

                Chattooga Ultra Trail 50K


                . This is a difficult course with some technical sections and you must have previous trail experience to enter. In past years, we have had broken ankles and runners off-course for hours. I hope to not see Search and Rescue again. However, I know that even with experience, stuff can happen, but please be prepared for this type of run before you enter.

                Run until the trail runs out.

                 SCHEDULE 2016--

                 The pain that hurts the worse is the imagined pain. One of the most difficult arts of racing is learning to ignore the imagined pain and just live with the present pain (which is always bearable.) - Jeff

                unsolicited chatter


                  Boone event in December:


                  I acknowledge that participating in BMS events is foolish and make this choice on my own freewill. I understand that marathon running imposes harm to the body and will not hold the race director (Matt Jenkins) responsible for any injuries or deaths that I may sustain during this event. I agree that the only course of action I will take if I have a problem with the race will be to write scathing reviews, but I will not sue, seek damages, or pursue any legal action against anyone involved in the organization of this race. I further acknowledge that running an out and back course seven times may be extremely boring and in the event I choose to listen to NPR podcasts during the event, I will not hold the race director responsible for any pledges I make to the station during my lowered mental capacity while running 26.2 miles (or more).

                  "I want you to pray as if everything depends on it, but I want you to prepare yourself as if everything depends on you."

                  -- Dick LeBeau


                    Matt Jenkins.  Super nice guy.  His events are very very very low key.  He left the maniacs over a misunderstanding; I wish he'd return.


                    12 Monkeys

                      Matt Jenkins.  Super nice guy.  His events are very very very low key.  He left the maniacs over a misunderstanding; I wish he'd return.



                        I realize June in North Carolina is hot and humid. Most people and doctors advise against running in heat and humidity. Also, running at night presents special problems such as seeing where you are stepping and watching out for cars.
                        I understand that this area has specific hazards such as rattlesnakes, copperheads, polecats, wildcats, and rednecks who like to drink and drive and throw things. I know that 26 miles can be tough under any conditions but with the possible conditions in this event 26 miles could turn out to be much more of a challenge than I expected.
                        Nevertheless, I like to struggle and really, really want to participate regardless of the expected pain or risk.
                        Therefore, I want everyone to know that I am not being forced to do this event and that I agree for myself and any survivors or possible claimants that I may leave behind, to save, release, and keep harmless the Mangum Track Club, its members, the Runners From Hell and any volunteers or sponsors or any other helpers that may be involved with this event from all liability, claims, or demands for damages incurred by participation in this event or any of its parts.
                        I assume all responsibility for my participation and certify that I am properly trained, mentally fit, and medically able to participate in this hot, hilly, and possibly night marathon. I agree to use a light after dark. I will not litter. I will not kill snakes. I am aware that this event is limited to no more than 75 entrants and that registration may close abruptly at the race director's discretion. I realize that the race director's {or his delegate} authority is all encompassing and will abide by anything he tells me. Knowing everything in this waiver has not deterred me from entering this event and my signature below indicates that I have read and agree to all this stuff and still intend to participate. I also promise to have fun.


                          Big grin


                          Running is stupid

                          Non ducor, duco.

                            Not an instruction, but humor, nonetheless:


                            I understand that running is stupid, and so am I for wanting to run this race. And yet, I will run knowing full well that I could get hot, cold, wet, bit, struck by a vehicle , lightning, or hail, kicked by a cow or a horse, tripped by another runner, dehydrated, sun burnt, headache, heart troubles, nausea, loose bowels, blisters, offended, discouraged, hungry, or just plum tuckered. Furthermore, I could even die. And that's not all. And I admit I only have myself to blame. Even so, it is with sound mind that I choose to participate.


                            The guy that wrote that is a genius. 

                            I'm back.

                              Hard to tell if they're kidding or not:


                              "Be a Winner! Come Join in the Excitement! Imagine the thrill of participating in a race where you run down the home stretch before the cheering crowds already in place for the Annual Chili Warm Up at the Danbury Ice Arena!"

                              Come all you no-hopers, you jokers and rogues
                              We're on the road to nowhere, let's find out where it goes

                              Interval Junkie --Nobby

                                Stumpy's Marathon (http://dottschemistry.wikispaces.com/Stumpy%27s+Marathon),


                                including this gem in the information doc:


                                "Our motto is, “It’s not a trail race if nobody gets lost.”  You enter this race at your own risk, and are solely responsible for your own welfare and safety at ALL times.  Don’t blame any race volunteer or organizer if you wander off trail, can’t find a porta-potty in time, run into trees, trip over rocks or roots, fall down, get bitten by God . . . 


                                That's where word-wrap chose to place the carriage return on my screen.  Now that's something to watch the hell out for!

                                2016 Goals: Lose the 10lbs I gained for not having goals