RunningAHEAD - Topic: Till Death Do Us Part?

ndippon

Non ducor, duco.

posted: 4/14/2008 at 8:13 PM
modified: 4/14/2008 at 8:41 PM

Im propped up on cold meds and shouldn't be posting stupid stuff! Sorry Blush

HarmonyC01

posted: 4/14/2008 at 8:43 PM

My fiance isn't a runner and doesn't do any sports. However i'm extremely athletic and am always doing something active, mostly running of course. It doesn't effect us too much because we have things we do together...one of those is dancing and we find time to go do two stepping/swing dancing as much as possible!!! I think it would only be a problem if its something you had in common and did together a lot at the beginning of the relationship and then one person stopped. Then you don't have that to share with them anymore and that could be an issue! At least that's my 2 cents on the situation! Big grin

Ginn-A-GoGo

posted: 4/15/2008 at 5:46 AM

This post is terribly confusing but I would like to say that I would give my left arm for my husband to take dance lessons with me. He dances... sortof... at weddings, etc, but I could never get him to take me out specifically for dancing! SO ENVIOUS! Harmony- A ton of my family is from Louisiana, mostly around Crowley, Gonzalez and Metairie. It is my home away from home.

2012 Goals: Get back into it after having a baby! Prep for a 1/2 marathon

Runrtim57

Marathon Maniac #3309

posted: 4/15/2008 at 8:06 AM
modified: 4/15/2008 at 8:07 AM

Quote from Ginn-A-GoGo on 4/15/2008 at 5:46 AM:

This post is terribly confusing but I would like to say that I would give my left arm for my husband to take dance lessons with me. He dances... sortof... at weddings, etc, but I could never get him to take me out specifically for dancing! SO ENVIOUS! Harmony- A ton of my family is from Louisiana, mostly around Crowley, Gonzalez and Metairie. It is my home away from home.

My wife (ex now) got me to take dance lessons....then she left me for the instructor Shocked

...true story.

Running has given me the courage to start, the determination to keep trying, and the childlike spirit to have fun along the way - Run often and run long, but never outrun your Joy of running!

HarmonyC01

posted: 4/15/2008 at 11:20 AM

My wife (ex now) got me to take dance lessons....then she left me for the instructor Shocked

...true story. That's horrible biketm i'm sorry that happened...remind me never to take any lessons! Undecided

GinRun when we first met i found out he knew how to dance...we used to go out every thursday and saturday night! Eventually we started dating and we dont have time to go out as much as we used too but i'm very passionate about dancing so i make him take me out (we always go see the dance movies too LOL) Big grin

I'm actually from Washington State but i've lived here in shreveport for about 3 years...most of my fiance's family is from here. It's grown on me! The original post was about 2 people that were married and one of them stopped being a runner and the other was still a marathoner and and they ended up getting divorced because they grew apart. The questions was whether serious runners should only date/marry other serious runners. I thought it was a good question! Wink

Frank4

posted: 4/15/2008 at 12:03 PM

Not sure what this does to validate the "Relationship and Running" combined lifestyle, but... Was married for 12 years...had kids...grew apart...divorced. No running. In my "new" single life, took up running. Ran alone mosst of the time. Ran, and finished, my first marathon. Met someone...she did not run at all. Kept running after I met her. Slowly, she caught the running "bug" from hanging around me (poor girl). Now, she runs regularly with solid aspirations of finishing a distance race in the near future. So, from my experience... No running = rocky relationship Running = great relationship (and a healthier me). I"m digging it. Big grin

Marcus L S

The Greatest of All Time

posted: 4/15/2008 at 12:22 PM

DW hates running but lifts with me and does cardio machines while I am running. In the summer she follows me on roller blades while I run. College GF was a runner and I got her into triathlon too so we regularly swam and rode together. I cannot imagine being with someone that didn't work out in some way. I just can't see it in my case.

all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be

Obesity is a disease. Yes, a disease where nothing tastes bad...except salads.

cagery

posted: 4/15/2008 at 12:35 PM

hmm...interesting thoughts... Seems like two runners can grow apart.... Seems like two non-runners can grow apart.... Seems to me that people can grow apart no matter what they do together if both folks don't work real hard at preventing it...and that a shared or non-shared activity is not the basis for the growing apart. then there is the 'what if' scenario where something happened and the partner could no longer do the activity that the relationship is based on....is that the till death do us part or whoops...time to bail... funny conclusions can be drawn based on a few sentences....and missing the rest of the story... ps. there are no opinions here...just musings....

ndippon

Non ducor, duco.

posted: 4/15/2008 at 1:07 PM

Okay, I guess I will jump back into this discussion. I think "relations" played an important part in their demise. He was fat and grossed her out. When he was in the mood, she was tired from training.

cagery

posted: 4/15/2008 at 1:29 PM

so...the fat guy wouldn't do anything to keep his appearance up....he wouldn't/couldn't/didn't know how much his appearance affected his wife's affections. In the "love and respect" world of marriage, he didn't love her all that much because he wouldn't change. He didn't respect her much nor honor her needs much because he wouldn't change his behavior...kind of selfish?? So what came first...chicken or egg...did the wife keep training so she was always tired when he was in the mood because she also was kind of selfish...or did she train hard so she wouldn't have to be near the grossness? Was there much honor or respect towards the husband? Many unanswered questions. Tough lessons to learn. Was there some compromise that could have been worked out...don't know....tough world we live in. It is sad for those folks that end up going their separate ways...costs a lot on both sides.... again...I ain't judging nothing...just that in many readings on the subject ("The Five Love Languages" and "Love and Respect") kind of points to the same thing...maybe over-simplified here as there are many dynamics in all relationships.... It has to be tough...

Frank4

posted: 4/15/2008 at 1:59 PM

I'll agree, it's tough. And it does cost a lot, on both sides. But, in some cases, the lessons learned during that time are beneficial for everyone involved, in the long run. If only they could have been learned sooner...but then again, would that be ideal? Don't know, because we wouldn't be where we are today if they had been.

spaniel

Feeling the growl again

posted: 4/15/2008 at 2:41 PM

It's complicated. I run. I used to run a LOT, like 4000+ miles in a year, weeks as high as 130. I told my wife when I met to walk away if she expected me to stop running. She ran a little, mostly to control weight. Before we got married, she did a couple races. She hasn't done one in years now but still serves the important role as my pit crew. I swear she knows more about running than most runners. For years she waited patiently or, at least, waited, while I finished workouts when she'd rather be doing other stuff. The balance is I often also rearranged stuff so I could still work out but be there when she needed me. She became a part of my race routine, not excluded by it. My running friends became her friends too. Our baby was born, I cut my running in half (and did stop for awhile). Running could be anything....video games, poker, dancing, golf, etc etc. As long as you both have your priorities straight and sharing a hobby didn't define your relationship you'll be ok. This is what I find ironic about dating websites and such. People look for what they THINK they want, trying to find someone just like them. In reality, the perfect person for you may not be what you think. They may have many different interests than you. If my wife and I hadn't been completely drunk when we met, we NEVER would have picked each other but we are perfect together as it turns out.

"If you want to be a bad a$s, then do what a bad a$s does. There's your pep talk for today. Go Run." -- Slo_Hand

I am spaniel - Crusher of Treadmills

McRat

Fool

posted: 4/15/2008 at 2:45 PM

Marriage is hard enough work as it is, though it's always sad to see people's initial hopes and dreams collapse into a divorce or difficult relationship. <rant> The biggest problem I have is with the institution of marriage itself. It primarily operates on the assumption that people won't change, when change is about the only thing guaranteed to happen. Some good, some bad. You hope to be able to communicate openly and avoid whatever is unforgivable, but it's not all that easy. I find the existance of a pre-nup entirely unromantic, but valuable in setting a minimum expectation up front. If in charge of the universe, I would propose that marriage becomes not a lifetime contract, but require a RE-NUP. Every five years you could decide if you wanted to re-nup for 5 more years, or switch to a probationary 2 years. At the end of that term you could go for five more, two more, or done and divide it down the middle. I feel having the ability to clearly alert the other party to one's dissatisfaction, and allow a period to work through or part amicably could spare the courts and the participants a load of hassle and anger. Marriages are almost disposable at whim as it is, and for every couple that bails at 7 years, there would be those cute old folks holding hands after 60 years of marriage, all 5-year renups. </rant> But back in reality... couples must keep their communication lines open, and honestly address what expectations they have for their spouses at ALL stages in the relationship. A lot gets overlooked in the early stages of 'new love', that can later erode the foundation of the marriage. I've haven't run a marathon yet, but after 14 years of marriage I can understand the concept of hitting the wall and just needing to force your way through to the end... or become comfortable with a D.N.F. It ain't easy either way.

dg12

posted: 4/15/2008 at 3:14 PM

Tii death du us part > cold meds > dance lessons> Blush

ChknWingy

Oh Mighty Wing

posted: 4/15/2008 at 4:39 PM

MC rat - I think the institution has moved away from what it once was.... many of today's marriages are built on the thought that people won't change... most of yesteryear's were not. Marriage is not about not changing. It's about loving each other while changing! As people we will always change and grow and develop the trick is to find someone who can love us through those growth periods and help us along our path... they are not there to mirror it or even follow it, but simply support us on our journey down it. My DH does not run, yet he comes to races and encourages me to go for a run when i'm having trouble getting out the door, and promises to help me be able to run once we start having babies. I do not smoke cigars and yet I'm happy to accompany him to a cigar fest because he enjoys it. I think most married couple need a little more open communication in their life...

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