Chubby hubby syndrome (Read 1870 times)

I'm mostly a lurker - I rarely post. But I'm very frustrated with my unsupportive hubby and I need some ideas of what to do. My DH is very unsupportive of my running. He makes the biggest deal when I ask him to watch our kids (ages 2 and 4) so I can run, to the point of being mean to me about it. And I feel like he is contantly trying to thwart my efforts. Last night for example, I had told him I planned to run right after work from 6-7 pm, and prearranged with him to watch the kids. Instead, he comes home with my favorite take-out food and insists I eat it. I do finally get out to run at 7pm (with a full stomach and feeling sick, but I went anyway), and then he was mad at me for the rest of the night because I didn't do what I'd originally planned. We both started running together about 2 years ago, and we started with the C25k. He quit about 1/2 way through, saying that his knees hurt to badly to continue. (he has had 4 knee surgeries, so I do believe they probably hurt) I've continued to run though, and I'm addicted. I run about 5-7 hours per week, and about 1/2 of those runs are done by me waking up at 4:30 am to run and be home before anyone else in the house even wakes up, or I try to get on the treadmill after the kids are in bed. I refuse to give up on running. I feel better about myself than I have in years. It is MY time, and I need it for my own sanity and health. I just want to make my husband understand that - I'm not even asking him to share in my love of running. I just want some support. He is about 100 pounds overweight, and I know there is some self-loathing there. But its like he's mad at me for trying to better myself so I don't end up like him.

Sad. I know somebody else here who has had similar issues. I hope she chimes in. I think you got the "self loathing" part right. Relationships are hard, and sometimes when one of the members starts improving themselves ... well, the other one can try to sabotage it to make themselves feel better. Probably not consciously, but it happens. I've been on the receiving end, and I'll even admit acting that way at times. Although I'm never, ever going to understand how any man can have a problem with his lady making herself more beautiful. That just plain defies logic and common sense and a few million years of evolution. Just keep running. For you. He'll come around. Hopefully. In the meantime, have you considered a good running baby stroller - so you can just take the little ones with you?

I'm not sure why some refer to running as a selfish sport. I don't think it is any more selfish than cycling, swimming, or even basketball if your spouse does not play with you. Endurance sports, in general, could be classified as more "selfish" in that you need to be gone doing them very consistently to be serious about it. I cannot offer advice from experience as my wife is very supportive...probably more so than is good for her. However, I would strongly encourage open dialogue with him about how you feel and why running is important to you. Let him know how good it makes you feel, etc. If the verbal discussion does not work and just turns into an argument or something, write him a letter and ask him to read it while you are not there (hey, good excuse for a run!).

my wife is very supportive...

That's part of why my initial reaction to the original post was sadness. I don't know how its possible to be a runner without a supportive family. For any runner at any level, especially once the mileage starts climbing. I think for a more serious runner, running 100+ mile weeks ... it'd be impossible. And its sad because I think for most people, running is such a completely positive experience. It makes them better people, better parents, better spouses. So while I get Purdey's point about selfishness ... its a pretty good kind of selfishness. And I just can't imagine not supporting somebody wanting to take part in it. It's a win-win situation for everybody. Or it should be. I'd do anything if I could get my better half to start running again.

I get zero support from my husband either. Mostly long sighs and eye rolling when I want to go out on a run.

Men are stupid.

He's probably jealous that you're running and he's not/"can't" so you need to get him involved again. Perhaps go for walks together with the kids? Perhaps you could get him on an eliptical machine? No idea if either is practical though. Best of luck and keep running.

Threads like this make me so sad for the posters who have unsupportive family and serve to remind me how incredibly lucky I am. There is not a single person in my life who is not 100% supportive of my running...not spouse, kid, parents, in-laws, siblings, friends. Every single one of them is behind it, even if they don't all completely "get" it. Getting runs in is difficult enough with life stresses, family schedules, weather, illness, injury, etc. To have a spouse who openly creates roadblocks to exercise (of any sort) and is belittling...man, I don't think I could live with that. To me it's a sign of disrespect and not one of love. To those with spouses who undermine your efforts and are critical...I hope they aren't deeming their time caring for their children as "babysitting." I have seen too many moms upset when the father of their kids pouts about spending time raising the brood that he helped create and in turn heaps guilt on mom for suggesting that he should pull his own weight with child-rearing responsibilities. It's not babysitting--it's called being a parent.

To those with spouses who undermine your efforts and are critical...I hope they aren't deeming their time caring for their children as "babysitting." I have seen too many moms upset when the father of their kids pouts about spending time raising the brood that he helped create and in turn heaps guilt on mom for suggesting that he should pull his own weight with child-rearing responsibilities. It's not babysitting--it's called being a parent.

Oh - that is one of my biggest pet peeves, but that is a topic for a whole'nother post I am overwealmed by the great posts in such a short period of time. Thanks for all the great/quick responses - it feels good to have someone validate my feelings. A couple of thoughts: 1. Yes, running is probably selfish being that it is just for me. But I NEED my me time. It does make me a better person - not only more physically healthy, but more emotionally healthy too. I deal with stress so much better when I can pound it out on the pavement. 2. I actually also have a jogging stroller, but frankly don't like it much so it rarely gets used. Most of the streets where I run have a gravel shoulder which is not fun to push the stoller on. And my 2 kids + the weight of the stroller is well over 50 pounds, and it is hard. I do use it, but probably not as much as I could. 3. I have also tried to encourage him to take up a sport. He's a great softball player, and he's on a Thursday league which I 100% support. He also plays basketball with friends, which I also always make time for. He'd mentioned that he wanted to take up road biking (not a cheap sport at all), but I've spent way more money than I should have for him on a new bike, gear, and even a trainer (because he was always whining that he couldn't ride outside because of the weather/time of day/etc). It all mostly gathers dust. 4. I've even tried expressing to him how important running is for me - and then he told me that he thinks I like it more than I like him. (some days, I do - but please don't tell him that) I've even secretly gone to counselling, and she totally validates my feelings. She told me that, no matter what, I'm not to give up running. She says its the best thing that I do for myself, and I agree. I honestly think that DH just prefers to be a miserable person.