Beginners and Beyond

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In need of a lousy run? Here's how (Read 229 times)

    You.  Yes, I'm talking to you.  You're the person who posts stuff like, "I'm addicted to running!!!!!!" or "I love this stuff!!!!!"  You might have even recently blogged something like, "I Wish I Could Bottle This Feeling and Give it Away."  What you need is a lousy run just to put things in perspective.  I'm not stupid enough to do something like this so I'm speaking purely theoretically but if you are in need of a lousy run, say on Sunday, here is what I think is a great way to set it up and execute it correctly.

     

    Start on Friday with refreshed legs and do some fairly hard fartleks.  Nothing wrong with that and you'll feel great for it but we need to start building some fatigue for the payoff on Sunday.  On Saturday, you know you have to wake at 4:30 a.m. and drive 3 1/2 hours.  So, rather than going to bed early on Friday night, stay up late.  It doesn't much matter what you are doing - surfing the internet, watching basketball, etc - just make sure you stay up late enough to get less than five hours of sleep.

     

    Begin Saturday morning the right way with something high fat from McDonald's such as a sausage biscuit with cheese.  Throughout the day, eat plenty of fat and sugar.  In fact, make sure that the vast majority of your calories come from those two sources.  Since you are traveling, run on the hotel treadmill on Saturday night.  Of course, we're trying to make sure your run on Sunday sucks so, because  you hate the treadmill, get mad at it.  Keep setting the speed faster and faster as you run.  Finish the last couple of miles at tempo pace.  That way you'll have done some speed work two days in a row and your legs will be seriously fatigued.  Mind you, we don't want to limit your fatigue to just your legs so stay up late Saturday night  as well.  Keep your rest to, oh, I don't know, about four hours.

     

    Sunday morning, take advantage of the hotel buffet.  You don't  have a hair on your ass if you take in less than 2,000 calories.  Keep up the good work at lunch with something like a 9 inch Philly cheese steak.  Get fries with it.  Later that afternoon, order a big 1,000 calorie milkshake.  That 3 1/2 hour drive home will let the milkshake settle.  Well, it would if you bought it early in the trip.  If you are crazy enough to buy it an hour before you arrive home, you'll really get to feel it.  Then, the sugar and fat in that shake will help to keep you in gastric distress throughout the run.

     

    As you get ready for your Sunday run, debate on what to wear.  Choose the lesser amount so you can be uncomfortably cool throughout.  This will be really important later.  All that food will make you feel fat and slow to begin.  As the run progresses and the stiffness and fatigue in your legs fails to disappear and, indeed, just keeps getting worse, remind yourself that you didn't get enough sleep, did speed work two days in a row, and ate like someone auditioning for "The Biggest Loser."  To complete the lousy run though, you need to rely on something other than your own stupidity.  Get mother nature involved.

     

    Since you are already uncomfortably cool, order up a fairly heavy rainfall with a 20 m.p.h. wind in your face roughly three miles from the car.  That ought to do it.  Need more?  Well, one more then.  When you enter that miserable run in your log, notice that you finished the week at 59.5 miles rather than running an extra half mile to break 60.  Now the lousy run is truly complete as you will have deflated yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

     

    I recommend following the run with a Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA.  The tongue slapping bitterness should cue you in on your lunacy while the huge malt profile should remind you of the sweetness that surely awaits in the future.

     

    Not that I'd ever do anything quite as dumb as what I've described.  Except for drinking the Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA.  I'd do that.

    Short term goal: 17:59 5K

    Mid term goal:  2:54:59 marathon

    Long term goal: To say I've been a runner half my life.  (I started running at age 45).

    Philliefan33


      What, only a 9" Philly cheesesteak?  I didn't know anyone made them that small. Real cheesesteaks are at least 12" long. You could've had an even worse run if you manned up and ate a real cheesesteak. Oh, and whiz/wit to put you over the top. (That's with Cheez Whiz and onions for the uninitiated).

      Future Races:

      5/4/14:  Bucks County Ten Miler

      RunTomRun


      Wickedly Average

        Well, the initial egg McFatty wouldn't bother me. Actually, any one of the "transgressions" probably would have been OK if done by itself. But I think that you piled on some bad stuff all at once and it performed Gihad on your run.

         

        Actually, the diet reminds me of how I ate before I ran. And once in a while, I still do though only for one meal or so. You do have to treat the body to a bit of indulgance once in a while.

        Tom (formerly known as PhotogTom)

        5K - 25:16, 10K - 55:31,  15K - 1:20:55,   HM - 1:55:21

        RunTomRun


        Wickedly Average

          What, only a 9" Philly cheesesteak?  I didn't know anyone made them that small. Real cheesesteaks are at least 12" long.

           

          It's not necessarily the length.... Smile

          Tom (formerly known as PhotogTom)

          5K - 25:16, 10K - 55:31,  15K - 1:20:55,   HM - 1:55:21

            Lth- that's what I Call a lil self sabotage. I am a master of that stuff.

             

            Btw- you are my new hero.

            ”Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.”

            “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”

             

            Tomas

              I hope it was also a good reminder of the guy who you used to be, eating like that without the exercise, and while smoking.  Whenever I fall off the food wagon like that, it's a swift kick in the ass that I would never allow myself to ever go back to that state again.

              Take Charge. Train Harder. Suck Less. No Excuses.

              RunTomRun


              Wickedly Average

                I hope it was also a good reminder of the guy who you used to be, eating like that without the exercise, and while smoking.  Whenever I fall off the food wagon like that, it's a swift kick in the ass that I would never allow myself to ever go back to that state again.

                 

                Yep!

                 

                I don't know about you, but I need that kick in the butt once in a while! Smile

                Tom (formerly known as PhotogTom)

                5K - 25:16, 10K - 55:31,  15K - 1:20:55,   HM - 1:55:21

                  Hey Brad... Approve 

                  Just passing through after getting home from downing a big yummy greasy 1/2 lb burger and 2x pints of a local micro brew.  My recovery meal after my long run today. Just wanted to say hi...   Clown


                  The Chairman

                    I blame my crappy runs this weekend on having McDonalds for lunch 3 days straight.

                      And this is a good indication of what tomorrow's run will be like for me - minus the second day of speedwork and wind-driven rain. Great.

                      MrNamtor


                      DON'T TREAD ON ME

                        You know i could modify this a little bit, change "Begin Saturday morning ....." with "I began Saturday morning" and stuff like that, then change the word "run" to "race" and I'd have a pretty nice RR. Because, you know, I don't race very often but I'd still like to post a good RR once in a while just for the feedback.

                        redrum


                        Caretaker/Overlook Hotel

                          I did almost all of that (substitute Costco cheesecake for Philly cheesesteak, basketball game which reminds me that the muscle soreness is totally different than just running) and some other differences but for whatever reason, I had a good run tonight.  Not great, not bad but definitely good.  Don't ask, I have no idea why except that I did sleep good when I did sleep.

                           

                          Oh, and I didn't haves beer this weekend.  But I don't think that's a good thing.  I've got 5 blue moons sitting in a 6 pack and so to have not indulged in at least one of them, I consider disgraceful.  Joking

                           

                          I'll try and make up for it tomorrow.  Big grin

                           Randy

                          Adam_McAllen


                          Beer-and-waffle Powered

                            Sounds like my weekend. Except after cutting my long run short I returned home to find someone else in my building had stolen the food I was going to make for dinner plus a bunch of other stuff from my fridge.

                            In the words of my late-coach : Just hang in there, relax... and at the end of a race anyone you see.....just pass them

                            robinde


                              I could take your advice more seriously if I knew it was from experience.  It's sort of like taking parenting advice from someone without kids.

                                Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA? I'd go for my dear friend Jack Daniels. When I want to go down, I go down in flames!

                                Lynne's Kids 5K 11/22/12 - 25:22

                                Jerusalem Marathon 03/01/13 - 4:53:34

                                Cambridge CityRun 5-Miler 04/07/13 - 42:21 (8:36.9 improvement over 2012)

                                Boston's Run to Remember Half-Marathon 05/26/13 - 2:10:48

                                Newton 10K 06/02/13 - 57:01.9 (9:12.1 improvement over 2012)

                                B.A.A. 10K 06/23/13 - 1:03:24

                                Lynch/Van Otterloo YMCA Firecracker 4 07/04/13 - 45:24

                                Weston 5-Miler 07/18/13 - 52:16.6

                                Mass Ave Mile 07/21/13 - 8:07

                                B.A.A. Half-Marathon 10/13/13 - 2:13:54

                                Bill's Pizzeria 5K 10/27/13 - 27:53

                                Fattman Chilly Cup Half-Marathon 11/10/13 - 2:28:39

                                 

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