I've always been a Daddy's girl. In a nutshell, my mother and I did not get along until I became an adult. She is very insecure, like myself and its always been a competition. Its very sad, but I am happy to say that I am an adult now and can handle it better than I have in the past. We don't have the kind-of relationship that some mothers and daughters do. I wish that we could go shopping and have lunch dates, but its very few and far between that we do. Because this is the internet, I will not disrespect her and pour out my soul to all of you. I love her and I'm thankful that I have a mother. My father has always been a hard worker and has cared for my mother and us children growing up. He would give us his last dollar and always made sure we had what we needed. We grew up scraping pennies. They both did not go to college and my mother was a stay at home mom. I am pleased to say they brought us (my brother and I) up to be pretty accomplished adults. I have good manners and have mad respect for others. I love humankind and it shows in my chosen field of nursing. Ironically my mother worked with special needs kids as a teenagers and does this now, so it is a trait I inherited from her. My father gave me the running gene and I can't thank him enough for planting the seed. 

My mom taught me compassion and empathy, and my dad taught me how to be objective and cool headed in matters of strategy, competition and war. At least that's the qualities they had - whether I effectively learned or internalized those qualities myself is pretty questionable.

Hey Lily, sorry to hear about your abusive childhood. I have a really good friend who was abused as a child, and I know that on some level it messes you up for the rest of your life. My friend had a good relationship with his father in the last few years of his father's life, but that was my friend's decision. His father was a selfish prick who never cared about anyone but himself. My feeling is my friend would have been fine either way he decided to go

Like Misty, I am the eldest child of teen parents. As such, I cringe when people say "I grew up with my kids", because regardless of the parents chronological age, kids would prefer to be raised by grown ups. My story echos Misty's with regards to not being pushed (to my own detriment), but that is only with my mother (who never attended a parent teacher conference, looked at a report card, etc). In some respects they did what they could for being so young. I would say that being the eldest, having such young parents, and having a mother who is severely mentally ill shaped me in to a person who is very type-A.

Long story short, the marriage didn't last, my father later had custody of me as my mother was unstable. At 21 I decided to not spend my life angry or bitter, and aimed for an adult relationship with mom. That went swimmingly for years, until she declined severely in the last five years. At this time a relationship would simply be toxic, and one is sadly just not possible. I do share a very close relationship with my father (we talk probably 5 times weekly), step-mother, 2 brothers, step-brother and 3 step-sisters.

What did I learn from them? Well, I am sure that being the eldest child of a young mother with a severe mental disorder, who married 5 times, has shaped me in some ways that have been positive. I was independent, self-reliant, responsible. I stayed out of trouble and stayed on a straight and narrow path. I had siblings counting on me. (My brothers are great btw! One is a successful filmmaker who has a short film showing at Sundance! The other has a degree in graphic design and is training in culinary arts. He's a brilliant chef. THey're WONDERFUL guys).

My father did go on to get an education. He went to college, and even graduate school, all while serving in the Navy. He became an officer, and when he retired he owned a small business while working as a director for VETS, a division of the US Dept of Labor. My father is a feminist. He never discounted me because I was a daughter. My opinions have always mattered to my father. I learned to value myself from my Dad. I chose men, and ultimately a husband who value me. I learned to be driven and accountable. My father is HILARIOUS, though often inappropriate. So, I probably get my leaning toward inappropriateness and humor from Dad. If it ain't cancer or running, it ain't all that serious...My Dad always did the right thing. Though in the military, he is a pacifist in nature (we were never spanked), but he did physically intervene in a domestic fight our neighbors were involved in when I was in high school. And I watched him stand down the Klan, literally toe to toe, when we lived in Powder Springs, GA. It was just my Dad vs. 10-12 hooded cowards. I watched him help organize a community event at his coffeehouse to protest against a resolution our county tried to pass essentially stating homosexuals were not welcome.  To say that my Dad is my hero would be an understatement. He is that, in so many ways. I would hope that I have even a fraction of his moral compass.  It doesn't come from religion (he's an atheist), or societal pressure (he could give a shit, truly). He is just inately good, and does the right thing even when it is difficult, and I hope I have a little of that.

Because my parents were so young, we were very poor until I was in middle school. Then my father did well financially. But, I am grateful for having been poor, and for the fact that I had to work beginning at age 14, and while in college. I am grateful my parents made me be poor as a young adult, and find my way. I have a huge soft spot for people who struggle.

I would be remiss to not mention that I am VERY lucky to have also been greatly influenced by my grandparents (2 of whom are still living, a perk of having had young parents), an aunt and uncle (runners!), and some of my friends parents who were monumentally influential in my life.  And as an adult, my in-laws. My mother-in-law passed away nearly 4 years ago, but not before she taught me MANY life lessons. And we are fortunately to still have my father-in-law.

Hilary's thread inspired me to ask this question: How have your parents shaped you? How big was their influence on you?

What about you? How have your parents made you into the individuals whom you are now?

I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down at the mill, and pay the mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah." But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.

My parent's influence was quite huge, in a good way, I'd say. They always showed unconditional love and my Dad was probably the more nurturing of the 2. He was always there for me, my Mom was a bit more on the tough love side. My Dad was a College Prof. and I always heard awesome things about his classes and how effective he was as a teacher. This certainly influenced me in regards to working at summer camps and eventually becoming an elementary school teacher (among other jobs). I'm the oldest of 3 boys and my Mom didn't let that stop her from "learning" us in all the household skills she would'a passed on to a daughter (as well as learning the manly arts from Dad). Because of this, I was able to make the shift to stay-at-home Dad after our son was diagnosed with a heart condition and celiac disease. Taking on full house-husband chores (cookin', cleaning, diapering, etc.) was a piece of cake, thanks to Mom.  

 Neither was a runner, but certainly took the time to take us camping every summer. This led to a life long love of the outdoors and outdoor recreation. My Dad will never run, but I'm still working on Mom, whose in her 70's. If she ever took it up, she'd kick butt in her AG.

So at least 2 men in this thread changed their mind about what they wrote. It's funny how men have a hard time opening up. Good at humorous sarcasm, but embarrassed about possibly appearing fragile. Hey, guys, we like you one way or another. It's okay.

I really surprised how many of us who didn't have amazing childhoods say "they did the best they could". Shit my sister who is 14 years older than me is still blaming my mom for everything.

You can forgive and move on, or live in the misery of your resentments. 

I really surprised how many of us who didn't have amazing childhoods say "they did the best they could". Shit my sister who is 14 years older than me is still blaming my mom for everything.

 I work in a school and I see some parents do what I think are stupid things to and for thier kids. I do believe that most parents do the best that they can for their kids with the tools that they have. I am constantly amazed by how crummy some kids have it and still seem to be happy.

You assume a bit much Lily, but I like you one way or another, as well.  I was 1 of the 2 men that changed what I wrote, but not because of being embarrassed or as you say "fragile".  In a face to face meeting, I speak very candidly about my childhood, parents, past troubles in my life, etc. Having said that, by posting a facet of my life on a random board, to be read by some, not all, anonymous people, and in light of last week's situation, I didn't feel comfortable leaving the post up, not for any other reason than security.  This thread didn't have that 'entertainment' feel about it, so I didn't really see the benefit of keeping the post up.  Not that anything I post here is of benefit, but boredom tends to set at the office some days.

I totally understand what you are saying. But I also appreciate those rare moments when we speak seriously about who we are. I get that it is only an internet forum, we're here for the fun and the running, but I believe that for some of us, it is not only the running that brings us here, but a bit of loneliness as well, even though we may have full lives. I'm not saying that it is true for all, but maybe for some... When we open up a bit, about our past, or other subjects, we get to know one another in a more intimate way. For me, it's meaningful. I don't do Facebook. This place here is as social as I get on most days... I do get what you say about the fact that what we share is out in the open and that aspect should give us reason to pause and wonder if we're doing the right thing. I guess that because my real life is lived 100% in French, and my clients and family (parents and sister) do not speak English, I am less concerned about things I write here. No one in my entourage will ever read it. If I were in your position, I'd probably be more careful, yes.