Yes. This girl turned five this past winter. She was in my class for two years before that. (She repeated because, socially and academically, she wasn't ready to continue onto the next grade.)
I wish parents would understand that you aren't judging their parenting, you are trying to help her. I have always felt blessed to have the school staff we have, who have been willing to honestly look at what DS needs to succeed, rather than brush it off and leave him to flounder and become the "bad kid" because his need to develop certain skills is overlooked.
Having a child who struggles in certain areas due to how they were born doesn't make you a bad parent. Ignoring those struggles because you don't want to be "different" from other families, and letting your child suffer in the meantime, does.
20,000 miles behind me, the world still to see.
I've known this child since her birth. She spent two years in my preschool class before going to pre-K this past year. With grownups, she's fantastic. I like spending time with her. (She's VERY intelligent and sweet-natured.) Socially, she's not in sync with her peers. She wants to be part of the group, but can't figure out how. She's very bright, but refuses to do the work that the teachers give in class. Her emotional responses are out of proportion. (She has an unusual need for approval. If anyone says that something she says or does is anything but perfect, Chernobyl looks like a gentle spring thaw.) Kids are shunning her. (On the playground, she follows them, but they pretend that she's not there.)
Last week, during breakfast, her current teacher politely asked that all children who want milk with cereal to raise their hands; this child didn't. The teacher said that she would go on to the next table and return. The child began shaking, covering her eyes, and crying. We were all terrified. When her teacher asked her why she was so upset, she said because her teacher had screamed at her. Her teacher did no such thing. Later that same day, on the playground, I was talking with another child when she ran between us and started talking to me. I said, "Excuse me, <insert girl's name here>..." I didn't have a chance to continue because she started crying and shaking.
When I spoke to the rabbi, I didn't mention the girl's name or describe her... Right away, he realized about whom I was talking. The rabbi, the rabbi's wife, fellow congregants, and teachers know that something is unusual. The girl's peers sense that something is off. The parents? They think that she's just socially awkward and a little sensitive.
You know that. I know that. I wish that they would understand that being different is nothing about which to be ashamed. (There was an ASD child in her class last year. The kids banded together and worked with him, in ways that everyone could understand, to include him. In this case, they're having a tough time. They don't know with what they're dealing or what to do. I feel bad for them, too.)
Many, MANY of your descriptors are my son. Were my son. A combination of being older and working, A LOT, with teachers and counselors to learn about social interactions, unspoken rules, and matching reactions to the problem, has made a huge difference for us. He still does not do great with criticism, but is learning how to handle it. For ASD kids, there are two ways to be: right and wrong. Wrong=bad. Being wrong means THEY are bad. So they have a hard time dealing with not being perfect - not because they think they are perfect, but because they are so afraid of being anything else. They see no gray area.
Luckily DS has some real, true friendships, but I worry as he approaches upper elementary and middle school that his outgoing personality and great ideas for games won't be enough to keep those friends as he loses ground socially.
I will keep this girl in my prayers, because if her parents won't recognize and acknowledge that there are ways they can help her learn to navigate the world around her, she is going to flounder.
Are we there, yet?
Oh crap! I hear thunder outside. That may put a damper on running intervals at the track with my club this evening.
The storms passed by the track where we run by the time we started, so we got in our workout. The group was a lot smaller than usual. Must have a bunch of fair weather runners who stayed home.
2024 Races:
03/09 - Livingston Oval Ultra 6-Hour, 22.88 miles
05/11 - D3 50K 05/25 - What the Duck 12-Hour
06/17 - 6 Days in the Dome 12-Hour.
Shari, I hope that her parents become like you. This girl is an amazing person. I shudder in fear that she'll flounder, that her confidence will disappear, that she won't be happy, and that her amazing potential will be lost.
Sounds like textbook Asperger's. I wish I could give some sage words of advice, but mine's almost 19, and I can't offer much. I only hope her parents accept the situation and avail themselves of all the resources out there. All you can do is be supportive and very, very patient.
Dave
What a horrible evening I had. Hopefully a bird shits on my head while I am sleeping to put the cherry on top.
+1 to this. And now I have another brain to pick when DS is stretching my brain to its limits.
Skirt Runner
Basya- I work with children with special needs and it does sound like she may have Aspergers or sensory processing disorder. It may be helpful to the family if the school suggests they get her a neuropsych eval and possibly an occupational therpy eval. Perhaps talking to professionals and receiving a diagnosis will help the parents come closer to accepting it and getting in touch with the people that can help her function as best she can in her environment and hopefully even thrive.
PRs: 5K- 28:16 (5/5/13) 10K- 1:00:13 (10/27/13) 4M- 41:43 (9/7/13) 15K- 1:34:25 (8/17/13) 10M- 1:56:30 (4/6/14) HM- 2:20:16 (4/13/14) Full- 5:55:33 (11/1/15)
I started a blog about running :) Check it out if you care to
OK to change the subject. I just registered for a marathon: Skagit Flats, 9/13. It's in Burlington, WA, about an hour north of Seattle.
I'm sorry for the bad evening and also hope the bird misses.
Dave, wtg on the 200 miles! I haven't seen that since 2013.
6 miles on the fast side of easy.