Harpeth Hills Flying Monkey Marathon


Monkey Mayhem (Read 343 times)

12 Monkeys

    To my Monkeys:


    I'm the key against your car's side door.

    I'm the puppy that ate your back seat.

    I'm a wild deer, and I'm out here eating leaves and whatnot. I come across this road, and I'm like, 'what is this thing?' That's when you drive around the bend and I freeze in your headlights. Because that's what we deer do.

    I'm a monkey, lurking in the trees. I hid behind the leaves, and I make owl sounds. I'm laughing as I fool you. And you run up the nearby hill. And I swoop, fangs and claws bearing down. Because that is what flying monkeys do.

    So get running, you can save face, and be better protected from Monkeys like me.

    I'm a filthy rich executive. I hear the market is down a million points. I freak out. I spill my large espresso. The searing pain makes me slam on my breaks. Uh oh, your fault. And your 15-minute insurance may not cover my $90,000 car. So I sue you. Because that's what we rich executives do.

    I’m a teenage girl. My BFF Becky texts and says she’s kissed Johnny. Well that’s a problem, ’cause I like Johnny. Now, I’m emotionally compromised. Whoopsies. I’m all ‘OMG! Becky’s not even hot!’ And if you’ve got cut rate insurance, you could be paying for this yourself.

    I'm a satellite dish. The only reason you got me was for football. But for today's game, I'm a little fuzzy. So you climb up a ladder, onto a roof to try to fix me. But you just made me loose. And we both crash down to the ground together. News flash: if you have cut rate insurance, you might not be covered for this.

    So get running, you can save face, and be better protected from Monkeys like me.

    I’m a Raccoon and this time in your attic has been the best week of my Raccoon life. Ever. I’m digging and nesting in this pink fluffy stuff. I already had like four babies. I’m the smartest Raccoon I know.

    I'm the creepy innkeeper at the motel you have to stay at when you run out of gas. It's late at night and you don't have good hands roadside assistance, so you can't get help until the morning. Welcome to paradise. Your motel room has a busted lock, so I offer you a security special: for an extra eight bucks, I'll watch you sleep. I can even watch you from the painting that faces the bed. Heh heh heh, nighty night.

    I'm a monkey, flying overhead. I wait until your silly race day to eat. I like to feast on runners. Sinewy flesh, crunchy bones. Fast ones as appetizers, slow ones for dessert. Because that is what flying monkeys do.

    So get running, you can save face and be better protected from Monkeys like me.


    Today is October 23, 2011; the marathon is November 20, 2011 at 8 am; 4 weeks to go. Yep, Monkey is still coming. Relentlessly. My hope is that you have not wasted your late Summer and early Fall days actually trying to train for this thing. You would be foolish to try. I'm like a broken record: you cannot train for Monkey. No need even to bother trying. If you insist on getting ready for this thing, the best you can do is to pick a fight with a semi truck. Or several of them. Over and over, every day. That might get you prepared.

    So, since registration, some have realized that running Monkey is stupid. If you received this email, you clearly have much to learn. Or you need to fix your spam filter. Regardless, and as before, if you actually do come to your senses and find it wiser to sleep in on Monkey Sunday, please let us know. We still have a few foolish folks on a waiting list,. And they still actually want to run this thing. Fools. Anyhow, please help me share the pain. If you don't want it for yourself, that is.

    Again, let me repeat some details about this rink dink, silly little race in the hills:

    - If you are currently registered for this race, your registration info is posted on the Marathon's website. I update the website today. I know, pretty cool, right? Anyhow, as before, please take a look to make sure it is correct. Pay special attention to your number of monkey kills. The monkeys know the truth; they keep track of that sort of thing. And as I have said, false bragger angers the Monkeys. Let's try and keep them calm, if possible. Thanks.

    - Packet pickup should be at the Gordon JCC on November 19, 2011 between 2pm and 4pm. The JCC is located at 801 Percy Warner Blvd, Nashville, TN 37148. This is less than 2 miles from the race start/finish area. Here is a map to the GJCC: http://tinyurl.com/MonkeyPacketPickup . Packet pickup will also be available race morning adjacent to the starting line.

    - We are working on options for a pasta dinner thing for those of you who want one. That would be Saturday night, November 19. By "we", of course, I mean "Dallas". Once Dallas has this sorted out, I'll let you know. The major goals are to find a place where you can get food that is tasty and cheap.

    - For those who will need a postrace shower, the GJCC will let you swing back by after you run (or "run") Monkey. Please bring your bib and an ID. They may ask you to pay a $5 guest fee to do so as well.

    - It appears that we will indeed offer Yazoo Beer after the race to those who are of the correct drinking age. Yazoo is good brew, local and tasty. AIf you want to enjoy some, please bring your ID with you to the race. You don't have to run with it, but once the beer is available after noon, you will need your ID. If you want to tweet your grand appreciation for this, use these tags: @YazooBrew and @yazoobrewmaster

    - Speaking of Tweeting, whatever that is, folks have asked for a Monkey hashtag. Er, okay. Here you go: #MonkeyMarathon. You can also Tweet @hhFlyingMonkey, if'n you want. Ain't technology grand?

    - We ask all our volunteers and any runners who are able to bring some food and/or drink to share with the rest of the monkeys post race. Our participants' home-made smorgasbord impresses every year. I will be making pies. Lots of them. What will you bring?

    - You ain't too bright. Are you?

    - The marathon's website lists information about where there is lodging near the race and restaurants where you can dine over the weekend. In addition, if you have further questions, feel free to holler or to put out a query on our message board: http://www.harpethhillsmarathon.com/monkeychatter/ . Some others prefer the Monkey forum here: http://www.runningahead.com/groups/HHFMM/forum. If you post either place, please don't mind the monkey business.

    - Some of you have not heard or believed me. So to reiterate: you cannot train for Monkey. Fools.

    - We usually have swag for sale at packet pickup and then postrace. This year, we should have original and unique Hatch posters, Silipint cups, singlets and prior years' shirts, all uniquely Monkeyfied. All net swag sale proceeds go to support the Warner Parks, which in turn support our little race, and your suffering. Cash appreciated. And cheap!

    The days are almost gone. Monkey is coming. It is nearly upon us.

    Think Monkey


      somebody sent me this in an email.



      i find the sunshine beckons me to open up the gate and dream and dream ~~robbie williams