It has been difficult for me to run during the week. I have only had one day this pass week that I was able to sleep more than a few hours. I put in my 8 hours at a job that requires a lot of lifting and much of it is heavy lifting. I am exhausted when I get home, but I cannot get to sleep until around 2:00am or so each night. Then it starts again. Maybe God has put to much on my plate. I am not able to give our seven cats the individual attention that they need as Donna was able to do. There is so much stuff to go through, then there is the things that need to be put back from the flooding. Still there is the Thank You cards to be sent out from Donna's memorial. The checks to be sent to Best Friends for Donna. Trying to keep up with the bills. Medicine to get for the kids. So much and the list seems to go on and on and on. I try to stay focused, but it is difficult for me. I try to focus on one item at a time and get it done. Then I see something that reminds me of Donna or a picture of us in one of our many happy times. The memories go on. Sometimes I call out to her. I know she is not there, but I still do it. The realization that I am alone without her just seems so very unreal. Being alone with so much to do and feeling defeated by the magnitude of it all. My life right now seems so very empty. The pressure is really getting to me. My one bright spot this weekend will be being at TIMTAM and having a lot of friends around me, but then the next day I am back in Kansas and my home without Donna. To say I miss Donna is a very huge understatement. Crying myself to sleep is getting very old and heartbreaking. All and all it would be even worst if I did not have this outlet, that you good friends let me have. I remember just a couple of months ago, that Donna wanted us to try to meet everyone of you that supported Donna. She wanted to give each of you a very personnal Thank You. That was my Little Angel thinking about others, when she was so very sick. It was difficult for her to even get up and go to the bathroom. She would try to cook something simple for our Supper at times. She would try to do it in stages, but I would have to finish it each night. She was just to exhausted, but she would continue to try until she needed help sometimes to just get up. To see someone you dearly love go through all this and at the same time to encourage and stay positive was about all I could handle. I used to tell Donna, "You are my Life. You are my Everything." She surely was. TomD

((Tom)) I hope the nights start to get easier for you. I will keep you in my prayers.

TomD, I am fairly new to the forum, but have been reading your posts, and send you my sympathy. I wish I could help you. I have been where you are, and know how hard it is. There is no good advice I can give you, except to say to take it easy on yourself, and don't expect much of yourself. Writing a To Do list of only 5 things, and giving myself a pat on the back when anything at all got done helped me. It helped me to focus, and calmed my mind. You are lucky to be able to run. That will help some. I'm glad you are getting back to it. I am Woods Lady, aka MaEcono, and am happy to meet you. You have my best wishes. PS. I notice that some people do post personal information, and others don't. Same with logs. I imagine you have your reasons that you do not, but just maybe it would help some of us on the forum get to know you a little better if you did. For instance, you have seven cats!