I write an "advice" column for my running club called "Ask Spareribs". Here is January's edition, for those of you who fondly remember the old rock groups from the 70's and 80's: Dear Spareribs: Like you, I am an older runner, and over the past couple of years I find myself slowing down on my runs and races. Is it age, or just mental staleness? It seems to me I need to do something to jump-start my training and run some better times. Any ideas? John B., Grapevine Dear John: Same thing happened to me, and I had the exact same question. Then about two months ago I got to thinking, “In the 70’s and 80’s, I was running the fastest times of my life. I had a Sony Walkman and all these cool songs on tape. I loved listening to their beat, many of them disco hits. I thought, “What if I downloaded those same songs into my iPod? I bet that music will remind me of when I was fast! Then maybe I will run fast again.” So I made this playlist of songs all from that era, and the first time I listened to it, my average pace per mile dropped by 18 seconds. And I kept on getting faster! I realized that it isn’t age at all that makes us slow. It’s that we don’t have Jay Geils, Foreigner, Van Halen or Dire Straits any more. Try it yourself. I promise you’ll get faster when you listen to the music from when you were fast. Now there is one drawback that I must warn you about, although it’s kind of a minor thing. After about 6 weeks of listening to the same playlist, I found I had not only memorized all the songs, but that my everyday speech became infused with a new kind of patois, a sort of “disco speak” that totally altered my communication approach in strange and not often helpful ways. Take last week for example. Driving home from Esparza’s after a few beers with my friends, I got pulled over by a State cop who claimed I was driving erratically and speeding. (He had become suspicious when I just gently tapped the rear bumper of a car in front of me to tell the driver that the light had turned green. No big deal.) He kept bullying me with a lot of questions and I didn’t know what to do, until “disco speak” took over. I calmly said to the cop: “If you think that you’re too cool to boogie, boy oh boy have I got news for you. Everybody here tonight must boogie. Let me tell you, you are no exception to the rule. Get on up on the floor cause we’re going to boogie oogie oogie til we just can’t boogie no more.” This was probably not the right thing to say, because the cop seemed annoyed and just stormed back to his car. Between now and my court appearance, I am thinking of how I’ll handle the judge. I’m a bit worried that when he asks why I was driving this way I’ll say: “I’m hot blooded, check it and see. Got a fever of a hundred and three. C’mon your honor do you do more than dance? I’m hot blooded, hot blooded!” That may not help my cause. Try it yourself in any case. Maybe you’ll have better luck. But I would suggest you stay away from the Pointer Sisters. I got kicked out of the Safeway last week for telling some old woman in the produce section that she should jump for my love. Good luck. Spareribs

My kids are wondering why I am laughing so hard and my chocolate recovery drink is about to spew out of my nose..... That was an excellent response to the question!!!!! I think I will now go boogie woogie dance my way to the shower.

I realize this isn't running related, but ... do you have any “disco speak” suggestions for asking my boss for a raise?

Hey Spareribs - Here are some of my favorites: Light My Fire, Foreplay, Running Down a Dream, Middle of the Road, Take On Me, Won't Get Fooled Again, Magic Bus and Teenage Wasteland. Got any of these in your mix? You're right, listening to the "classics" will make you forget you're older than dirt and get your legs moving again!

It works...it works...it really does...

Not sure if Esparza's expanded to Irving, but the original is in Grapevine, TX, a neat little town where my running club is. I will ask the locals if they are also in Irving. Spareribs

Not sure if Esparza's expanded to Irving, but the original is in Grapevine, TX, a neat little town where my running club is. I will ask the locals if they are also in Irving. Spareribs

My bad, I did mean Grapevine...

To dang funny! I'll have to make a cheat sheet to use if and when I get pulled over. However, I do work for attorneys and am confronted by legal bull@#!% on a daily basis. I can probably figure out a way to work some favorite oldies but goodies into my "legal-ease." Like, say, to a particularly nasty divorce client: "You're as cold as ice . . . you never take advice, someday you'll pay the price, I know. Ooh, ooh ooh, cold as ice, you're as cold as ice!"