Trails are hard!
Hope it works, Holly.
Finishing up another fun-filled junket to northern NJ. Most of the time seems to be fighting with the utility to find out when (if?) they're going to turn on our power. We've managed on construction power from the original plant, but come Monday, there will be contractors on site that need the real stuff. I got so far as them acknowledging that they had received all necessary paperwork from the city. But radio silence since. I've been trying hard to work within the hierarchy the way they want, but if I don't hear early tomorrow, I've got a number a couple further steps ups the ladder. But REALLY do not want to PO the utility.
And now I sit in the airport (Newark) waiting for my 1:30 flight to depart around 4:55 The plane that we were supposed to be on was repurposed to another flight that took off, couldn't pressurize, and had to turn back. I talked with one guy that got off and he said everyone's ears were killing them and all the babies were miserable. So, I guess I do not begrudge them getting to try again.
Agree on the basketball results.
Need a fast half for late fall. Then I need to actually train for it.
Regarding child marathoners / ultra marathoners, Budhia Singh of India is about the most extreme example I've read about. Doesn't run competitively anymore as far as I know:
"Budhia Singh was born in Orissa in 2002. His father died at an early age. As a consequence of their poverty, Budhia Singh was sold by his mother to a traveling salesman for ₹850 at the age of two. Because of the ill-treatment thereafter, his mother sought out Biranchi Das, a local judo coach and orphanage operator, and asked him to take the boy on. Biranchi reimbursed the salesman's purchase price of Singh and the child came to live with Das and his other orphans at a local Judo Hall. One day Das caught him being a "saucy lad". He punished him by making him run, but then forgot about him; he returned after five hours and Singh was still running.
After medical check up his heart was found to be normal even after running for hours. He then began to train him to run marathons. By the age of four, Budhia had run and completed 50 marathons. After running a record breaking marathon, Budhia was admitted to the SAI sports hostel in Bhubaneswar. However, he "felt like he was lodged in a jail." After staying in the hostel for almost nine years, Budhia is now at home, living with his mother, Sukanti Singh, and his sisters."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Budhia_Singh
Holly, nice that you are getting some professional, well-though-out attention from your medical provider. Best of luck!
I just finished up an insanely good yoga practice. And I was able to sit cross legged for the first time in month and months. All the hip-strengthening I've done to return to running seems to have benefitted my yoga as well.
Jlynne, we have the same crazy weather pattern. My laundry today had winter running tights mixed in with shorts and singlets. I'm really ready to pack up the winter gear!
And Surly, great picture!! Thank you for sharing it.
long read- but here’s Magness’s article.
How to Raise a Champion—Chill Out
When it comes to their child’s athletic pursuits, parents can go a bit crazy. They lose it on the sideline, yelling at the referee at their 8-year-old’s soccer match. They stress over whether their kid is making progress and if he or she is good enough for the travel team or to make varsity. Even those who keep their cool can get swept into the march toward college scholarships, and maybe the allure of professional sport. They hire private coaches, move high schools to provide better opportunities, and go all-in, transforming their family into one dominated by soccer, baseball, football, track, or whatever the chosen path is.
It’s natural to want your kids to succeed, to want the best for them. Occasionally, this behavior is a result of the parent vicariously living through their children. But more often than not, the parent’s heart is in the right place. They want to support their child, to give them the best opportunity to succeed. Which is why a few recent conversations with a few former professional athletes struck me as interesting.
For instance, Lindsay Gallo observed, “My sense…is that (former elite athletes) are relatively more laid back about their young kids’ athletic endeavors.” Gallo was a former teammate of mine on a post-collegiate track club. She was also one of the best in the country, placing 6th at the Olympic Trials in 2008. Wouldn’t you expect the parents who made it to the top themselves to be hard-charging, to give their kids the advantages they wished they had, to pass on the lessons that got them to the top?
My inclination is that those who made it to the top understand both the difficulty in doing so and the luck involved. They know that it’s a long, windy path, and that in order to get through, the deep motivation and relentless drive is going to have to come from within. No amount of cajoling will help. Other former elite athletes expressed to me that there will be enough expectations and pressure on the child already, so why add more? Instead of yelling or videoing every move, they sit quietly on the sideline of their kid’s games.
After spending over a decade in the coaching world, helping high school and college athletes excel at and continue their athletic pursuits, I got to interact with my fair share of parents. The vast majority were great. But there are a few lessons that I’d like to pass on. Parenting is difficult, and I’m not trying to say this stuff easy. This is just one person’s perspective from being on the other side. Consider it a coach’s version of parental Bootcamp, lessons I wish every parent knew when it came to supporting their child’s endeavors, be it athletic or academic.
1. The fire has to come from your kids.
This may seem obvious, but it’s worth repeating. If you look at the research on prodigies and phenoms who eventually become standout adult performers, a deep intrinsic drive is a requirement.The problem is that success often pulls us away from this inner drive. We start out playing soccer or the violin because it is interesting and fun. As we get better, we get accolades from our coaches, teachers, and others. We start winning trophies, hearing our name on the morning announcements or in the online commentary, and before we know it, we’re pulled towards the external.
The best way to create and maintain intrinsic motivation? Let your kids dabble, explore, and find something where their interests and talents align. Then let them enjoy it, without an undue emphasis on success. (For a deep dive on this topic, check out our most underrated, book The Passion Paradox.)
2. Make sure your kids are doing it because they enjoy it, not because they see you enjoying it, and thus want your love and support.
One pitfall I saw quite often is that kids learned that they could get mom or dad’s undivided attention, love, and support when pursuing an activity. If dad was all about football, then of course little Johnny wanted to play football. When kids are young, we often confuse them doing the activity because they like it with them doing it because they know mom and dad like that they are doing it.
Kids just want to be loved, supported, and cared about. If the only way they get that is through some sport or doing some crazy thing, they’ll do it. It’s great to connect with your kids over shared interests. But like most things in life, there’s a healthy balance to be had. One of Brad’s parenting mantras is “love your kid, not what they are doing.”
3. The car ride home is the most important part.
Remember your role in your child’s activities. There’s no need to critique, berate, or even coach your kid up after the game. That’s not your role. If after a win or loss you’re always obsessing about the game, what message does the child receive? It’s very easy to turn a child’s passion into something they dread by ending every activity with a lecture on what they could do better.
In psychology, there’s a concept called the peak-end rule. It’s a heuristic for how we remember past events. We tend to remember the peak of the emotional experience, maybe when you scored the game-winning goal, and the last part of it; in this case, the car ride home.
Be there to support, no matter the outcome. Resist going into coaching mode. You are the parent. Leave the coaching to the coach.
4. Teach your kid how to lose well.
Sports are great for teaching life lessons. A tough loss forces us to deal with our competitiveness and a swirl of negative emotions. The message shouldn’t be that losing is bad; that we should ignore that experience; or that we should learn to hate losing.
Failure is a part of life. The earlier someone learns how to process, learn, and grow from failure, the better. If you see your child losing it, freaking out, unable to handle a tough loss, consider it as a sign they need perspective. (Same goes for the parents.)
Losing well is about creating space between who you are and what you do and having multiple sources of meaning in your life. This allows you to occupy a place where of course you want to get better, but it’s not the end of the world if you suffer defeat. In this way you can more easily rebound and then evaluate what went wrong with a clear mind. We do our best when we are challenged, but not threatened. Don’t set your kid up to be in threat mode.
5. If your kid is going to be good or even great at something, they’ll figure it out.
Private coaching, travel teams, and so forth aren’t going to make or break your kid. If he or she is good enough to make it at the highest level, they’ll get there.
I know this sounds sacrilegious. To just trust that things will work out. To not spend your life obsessing over how to give someone a one-up. But we often overemphasize the minor items, blowing them up as if they are what matter most. Sure, some extra help and support are sometimes needed. But what often happens is people take advantage of a parent’s desire for their child to make it, whatever “make it” means. Be wary of anyone promising results, scholarships, and the like. Be wary of anyone who tells you that their child needs to quit their team in favor of some private coach or special organization. There’s a whole cottage industry of youth gurus promising performance, scholarships, and more.
Don’t be the parent who thinks the coaching guru or a recruiting service is the difference-maker. It isn’t. If your kid is good enough and motivated, they’ll figure it out.
6. Your support should be unconditional; it should not be dependent on the results of the game (or if they even play a game to begin with).
This is a simple, but worthwhile reminder. Win or lose, be there. That’s it. It’s not complicated.
7. Resist the urge to always step in.
Let your kid figure things out. Support them. But let them figure out how to navigate some of the challenges that come with sport. Look for your spots to step in when needed. But don’t be the overbearing parent who goes to the coach or teacher every time your child underperforms. Let them navigate it. Sport and the classroom are great and safe containers for the real world.
8. Hold yourself back from going all-in.
A few times a month I get a message from a worried parent that their kid isn’t measuring up or progressing as fast their peers. They obviously care, but they suggest drastic interventions as the solution. So I’m going to say this: Don’t move across the state or country chasing athletics. Your kid isn’t that good. And if he or she is, they’ll make it regardless of where they are at.
You may think going all-in to help your child is a good thing. The more invested you are, the more pressure and expectations fall on that child’s lap. You want to support, not obsess. If you obsess, I promise it will end up backfiring. If the child chooses to be a bit obsessive about their sport, it should be entirely their decision. Your job as a parent then transitions to providing perspective, to help ensure that his or her passion is the harmonious variety and not the obsessive, that they don’t fall for the same trap that Lance Armstrong or Elizabeth Holmes did.
9. Chill out and step back.
Every coach has a story of a parent who by all accounts was loving, yet their simply showing up to a game or meet would cause their child to underperform. It wasn’t anything they said at the competition. It was just that their parent was in the stands.
In fact, research shows that choking in sport is partially because we perform in front of an audience and feel judged. In an article entitled The Many Threats of Self-Consciousness, Massimilano Cappuccio and colleagues concluded that “concerns about self-presentation may be the origin of the increased state anxiety for choking-susceptible athletes.” It’s not that audiences are a requirement for choking. It’s that they encourage and activate threat mode, when our sense of self is in danger in something that we care about. Choking isn’t succumbing to the pressure; it is a self-protective strategy gone wrong. And one of the items that activates this is when we are performing in front of people we care about, people whose opinions we value.
It’s why when researchers studied a variety of ways to increase anxiety and the impact each had on performance, it wasn’t punishment or playing for money that causes anxiety increase and performance to decline. It was performing in front of teammates or coaches. The same holds for parents. People want to perform well in front of those that matter. They feel like they let you down if they don’t. This occurs even if you are the kindest, most loving person in the world. It’s human nature. You can think of all the above principles as ways not to exacerbate it.
***
After spending a decade handing out athletic scholarships before stepping away from collegiate coaching, the best advice I can give is to not play the “pursuit of the scholarship” game. If the child is good enough and wants it, they’ll figure it out. If it’s coming from mom or dad, the coach will see that.
My first year in college coaching a parent and kid walked into my office. The parent spent 30 minutes going on and on about their child, the talent they had, and how they had so much more potential than the results they’d shown so far. The kid barely talked.
The tennis coach who had an office next to mine came in after the parent had left. He said, “Just a word of advice, you don’t want that athlete. It won’t turn out well for the kid. And the parent will be a headache.”
And more often than not, in similar situations, that tennis coach was correct. Let your kids be kids. Support them. But don’t get in their way. They’ve already got enough expectations and pressure from living in a world where they are constantly judged on social media, where they have to measure up against the world instead of just their local school. Give them space explore and basic support, and then get out of their way.
The odds are your child isn’t going to be a champion. It’s just how odds work. So do you want to leave them with a positive experience, with life lessons on learning how to fail, compete, be a great teammate, and so on? Or do you want to wring every bit of joy out of the process, in the minuscule chance it helps them make it to the top, when the reality is your pushing probably actually hurts over the long haul.
Take a lesson from those who’ve made it, like Lindsay Gallo. It is okay to be laid back about your kid’s future athletic success. In fact, it probably helps.
Out there running since dinosaurs roamed the earth
An update from last summer on Budhia Singh, who would be 20 years old now:
https://www.hindustantimes.com/india-news/from-fame-to-oblivion-the-story-of-marathon-runner-budhia-singh-101625833651546.html
I would agree that the parents should not be pushing their kids into sports. I think that adults need to emphasize to the kids that nothing real is at stake when they are competing. The number of people that make a living playing sports is miniscule. Realistically, at best, your kid may get a college athletic scholarship. But that will be the end. Conversely, enjoying sports can last a lifetime and a much healthier one at that. Adults need some self awareness on this front too. Too many racers fail to understand they are hobby runners. They act like a $100 grand is at stake, In truth, all that is actually at stake is 12th versus 13th place in a local race with no prize money even you were to win the whole thing.
Speaking of hobby sports, I ran 6 this morning. I would not call our below average temperatures summer, but at least it was not cloudy, cool and windy for once. Alas, that soon comes to an end as a rain front is planning to move into CT for weekend and stick around through Monday.
Live like you are dying not like you are afraid to die.
Drunken Irish Soda Bread and Irish Brown Bread this way --> http://allrecipes.com/cook/4379041/
MM#209 / JapanJoyful#803
I would not call our below average temperatures summer, . . but a rain front is planning to move into CT for weekend and stick around through Monday.
Twocat - change "CT" to "WA" and you're here, . . . except, unless this summer is like last year when I had nothing but dry runs from June until October, ours'll be here a lot longer than Monday.
ps - the most miserable runner when I started out in 1977 was when he got second place, or worse, or didn't run as fast as he thought he should have for his regular first places. I don't think I ever saw him smile but, little knownst to him, he sure made us smile at his predictable finish line grimaces and whining.
Murray - thanks. I forgot how young he was: only 4yo. Doesn't sound like running for 5 hours as punishment was something he enjoyed or had a passion about, though.
"Enjoy yourself. Your younger days never come again." 100yo T. Igarashi to me in geta at top of Mt. Fuji (8/2/87)
Egad...
Math sucks.
I was born in 1960 and it is now 2022.
Subtract 62 from 1960 and the answer is 1898.
Marathon news: Child Protective Services visits parents of 6 y/o that ran the Flying Pig marathon. https://www.wcpo.com/flying-pig-marathon-6-year-old
Marathon news:
Child Protective Services visits parents of 6 y/o that ran the Flying Pig marathon.
https://www.wcpo.com/flying-pig-marathon-6-year-old
I saw a video clip of the original story a few days ago. The reporter asked the 6yo what he thought about having just run a marathon and his reply was something along the lines of "I've never been so stressed out in my life". Given that, I think it was right for CPS to evaluate the home situation.
I've just read the open letter that the Flying Pig Marathon put out. Appears they let the family of eight enter as they knew from past experience that they normally 'bandit' the race and would likely do so again if they refused to register them and they wanted to ensure the children had access to water and medical support. As a result of the adverse publicity they are now going to enforce rigidly their minimum age of 18 in future, which I personally think is even worse.
How would we feel if RDs started imposing maximum age limits to protect our aging knees, hips & heart?
Started running at age 60.
AG 60-64 PR - 5K 25:45, 10K 53:28, HM 1:57:39, Marathon 4:32:09
AG 65-69 PR - 5K 26:11, HM 2:02:39, Marathon 5:04:47
The Cellcom marathon is this weekend. I always remember what a great weekend that was when Erika, Holly, Starr and Lon, Dave, Mike, and Marj and Henry came to run. Separate years though, I think.
That was a hot race in 2016 too. Erika & Peter. Lon & I, Amy, Jeanne and Holly. Jeanne had an awesome spread for us, I remember that for sure. Fun times, I am ready for another meet-up.
Mike, did you get storms tonight too? Our sirens went off at least three times, and I was outside helping Lon with the pontoon. We barely got inside before it broke loose.
No damage done here. Yesterday a woman storm chaser from Mexico was killed on the interstate. They had stopped because of downed power lines and were hit by a semi.
No running today, just running errands. When I got home, the storm warnings started in so I stayed home. I will try to keep more up to date with you all. I am on week two of the C25K plan. Ok, gotta go, puck drops at 8:45 and the Wild needs to win this game or they are out.
“Courage is not defined by those who fought and did not fall, but by those who fought, fell, and rose again.” — Adrienne Rich
MM #5615
The storm is here, now… just getting started.
Murray - I 've thought about it too, . . . actually, more and more: 1864.
Quick - the Mt. Fuji Summit Race up some 10,000' in 18 miles to 12,388' caps at 40yo but, fortunately, the years I was over there and could belatedly do it (at ages 43 and 44), they didn't ask for proof.
4.5 mile fartlek; anywhere from 5:45 to 20:00 pace (walking), averaging around 8:15.
And, nothing hurt, surprisingly.
I "gave my notice" at work this afternoon. I said I was reaching burnout levels, and wouldn't be doing the Fall and Winter shows. It's a paltry amount of money, and that's not why I do it, so that won't be missed. I just want some TIME, of which is a premium at our respective ages. Besides, 2-3 days of side work building a deck or cabinet makes me as much as a month of work at the theater.
young runners:
When I was coaching, there was a parent who really wanted his 12 y/o to run the 800m because that was his event in school. The kid wanted to do sprints and jumps, and was good at both. I remember the guy trying to bribe the kid to enter the 800m at a meet, peeling off $100 bills, and the kid kept refusing even when it got up to $800 (in 1985 $, so $2150 in 2022 $). Over the season I tried to tactfully convince the parent to let their kid discover what events they had a passion for themselves, often the events they have the most success in, but he wasn't having it. I think he really was a textbook example of trying to live through his kids. They were only there for one season. FWIW; the guy was a chiropractor, and I had chronic bronchitis or something at the time, and he said I should come down to his office, he had "an instrument" that he could use to clear up my lungs by tapping it on my chest. I jokingly asked if it was a magic wand, and he went into a long explanation of how he bought it at a chiro trade show, and that it was made of a special healing alloy, etc. Needless to say, I didn't go to his office. Another parent overheard this conversation, and was as amused as I was. This parent was the head of neonatal at Sacred Heart in Eugene; a real doctor. We shared a private laugh later, we never made the chiro guy feel demeaned, or anyone, for that matter. He had 2-3 kids in the Track Club for a few years, his oldest was very determined, and they were all very smart. The oldest became an author, his book Let Them Be Eaten By Bears, a guide to camping with kids, is great. I started The End Of Boys, but it's autobiographical and includes the span of time I knew the family, and it felt like spying, so I put it down. I don't need to know family secrets of people I know.
I think one of "my" kids has finally found a physical activity they like. The boy said he's been doing a lot of inline skating. He's in his first year at Hertfordshire University in the UK. The girl, at SCAD in Georgia, still has not discovered a physical activity she likes! I told her to try rowing. It's a group activity (she likes that), and she is as strong as a bear. So far, nope.
60-64 age group - University of Oregon alumni - Irreverent and Annoying
With some luck people will stick to messages that help the students figure out what to do this summer and avoid talking just to hear themselves talk. But, these are university professors so I would not bet on it.
I've kept telling one of our sales people that he uses a lot of words. He hardly talks to me anymore.
Surly - Good deal visiting Mom. I saw the CPS thing on the Flying Pig kid.
ps - did Steve crash-and-burn somewhere, . . . or just get caught doing something?
I slept until the alarm went off.
Leslie is a biker chick.
Holly - There's people in your corner.
KSA - I quit umping because of the parents.
Serial bandits? Grrr....
Starr - That's some storm.
I got 5 miles in Wednesday and 5.1 Thursday.
Our property was gifted with $250. to provide lunch for our crew of 40. I had to be involved in the planning because it was from success of our property's FB page. I have three comments I use often and used them during the two and a half week discussion:
We had a first. I hopped on an unload because my replacement had his hands full. The driver was looking to pick up materials for a return.
I knew nothing about it. I did a quick dig and nothing. After the driver left I dug some more. I had to dig more. And some more.
It turned out that the items the driver had the return for had not arrived to our location yet.
I try really hard to be as #$&!ed up as I am.
SteveP
Huh?
You sleep?
When?
Do the GK's know?