On the Bench

1

Hey Chenille? (Read 372 times)

    Do you really think you would stay away if your son asked you to not come? Because my mom came and she drove me nuts. As expected. And told me at least 3 or 4 times each day that this was a premature decision and was really stupid and she hopes I can walk and ski and such in the future and it doesn't get infected and she wants to know if I have scheduled a date to get it out yet. I am totally pissed at her. And she expects me to appreciate her coming - hello, mom, you came for yourself. If you were coming for me, you would come when I asked you to (in a week to celebrate my birthday!) So, no, I am not grateful. But I am glad you are relieved that I am doing OK. And seemed shocked that I had managed to go grocery shopping (hey, Jill, any chance you want to go get groceries today or tomorrow?) and do laundry (hey, Anna or Joe - could one of you help carry my laundry down to the basement). You know, I am an adult and I have been living on my own for many years and had many friends call wanting to know what they could do to help. When I told her I didnt want company I meant it.
      Hi Abby - yes, I would really stay away if my son asked me to, I would also be hurt, but I would get over it, because I am secure in the the knowledge that whether or not he wanted me with him at a particular moment - he loves me and it is not a reflection of his love for me that would be at the bottom of that kind of request. I would feel that way if it was a daughter asking that as well. Part of my response would be based on the fact that there is no way I would want my mom (or any family member other than DH) with me if I had surgery - in fact, my mom did want to come and "take care" of me after my thyroid surgery and I told her emphatically "NO"! I really have a hard time dealing with people telling me what to do (especially lately Tongue). If my mom told HER mother that - there is no way my grandmother would have listened - she would just have showed up - but then she always considered herself "the matriach" and that that entitled her to rule everyones lives!!! Don't get me wrong - we all loved my grandmother, she was a strong, determined woman who overcame many obstacles and lived an amazing life - doesn't mean that she was easy to live with Big grin We all have our own "baggage" that helps determine our reponses especially to those we love. Honestly - your pain over this comes through loud and clear, it was really a shame to have all this additional stress while you were trying to deal with keeping up at school, trying to decide about surgery, and then worrying if the surgery would go well... I have no doubt that you love and repect your mom. I think it was wrong of your mom to come out and even more wrong for her to second guess your decision in any way - once you had the surgery - she should just have been supportive, regardless of her misgivings. You may or may not know why your mom responded the way she did to you - like I said - baggage and only you know what kind of relationship you have with her. If it was me - I would sit down and try to talk to her about it at a later date and specifically tell her what she did to upset you, and let her know that in the future when you say "don't come right now" you mean it. There is a chance, that she really didn't realize that you "meant" it as strongly as you did, there's also a chance that she will be royally ticked about you even considering that as your mom she shouldn't be there. You know her best - family is really hard sometimes - wish I could be more helpful (((hugs))) Cheryl

      Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away...(unkown)




      Go With The Flow
      Thyroid Support Group

        I was talking to my dad the other night and he first off said that if she hadnt come into town he would have. Secondly, he said that if I had a significant other they would have left me alone. I didnt realize when I broke up with my boyfriend a ways back that I lost the ability to make decisions for myself! (We are afterall engaged. Sort of. I dont think my parents know, however. Does that count as having a significant other enough for him?)
          (We are afterall engaged. Sort of. I dont think my parents know, however. Does that count as having a significant other enough for him?)
          Can't count if they don't know!!!Funny about your, Dad! Are congratulations in order - sort of Big grin

          Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away...(unkown)




          Go With The Flow
          Thyroid Support Group