Trails
Feb 1 - Before all conversations today, think of one way that you're similar to the person you're speaking with to help you approach them with empathy.
What are some things you have in common with every other human being?
How does it change your feelings about people who seem different to consider out commonality?
How might it improve your interactions if you approached people with this in mind?
Feb 2 - Ask someone you encounter today "How are you feeling?" If they respond with "fine", ask follow-up questions to let them know you truly care to hear if they are feeling something else.
How often do you answer this question with "fine" because you feel unable or scare to share your true feelings?
How would it comfort you to know someone really cares and want to understand?
How might you be able to make others feel more comfortable opening up and sharing their feelings? Is there a better question to ask than "How are you doing?"
Feb 3 - Instead of treating someone how you want to be treated, ask them how they want to be treated, and do that.
Have you ever assumed someone want to be treated as you'd want to be treated, and then realized you were wrong?
How might it approve your relationships if you better understood what others want from you and, therefore were better able to meet their needs and expectations?
Feb 4 - Think about how it shows in your body language and facial expressions when you're feeling the emotions listed below, and write the physical manifestation next to each emotion. Keep this knowledge in mind as you go about your day so that you may better recognize when someone is feeling something painful.
Stress:
Shame:
Anger:
Fear:
Distrust:
Feb 5 - Whenever you get hard on yourself today, comfort yourself with a physical gesture and a f words of compassion, such as "I'm having a tough time, but I deserve my own love and kindness." According to self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff, physical touch releases hormone oxytocin - even when the touch is your own.
What do you usually do when you start getting hard on yourself? How does this keep you stuck?
What, if anything, do you fear might happen if you're not hard on yourself? Is it possible that's not true?
What kind of physical gesture to you find most soothing?
Feb 6 - Share a relevant story with a loved one who is struggling in order to show them you can relate, and that they're not alone in what they're going through.
Has anyone ever shared a story from their life to let you know they could relate to what you were going through?
What did you feel w hen they admitted that they'd been there before?
How did you feel toward them after they opened up in this way?
Feb 7 - Pay attention to what the people around you seem to be feeling, physically or emotionally, and give someone something tangible they might need.
Do you ever find it difficult to identify and meet your needs when you're caught up in your daily routine?
Has anyone ever supplied something you needed right when you needed it most? If so, how did that simple act make a difference in your day?
Why might your loved ones appreciate knowing that you're paying attention and looking out for their needs?
Feb 8 - Identify one person, group of people, or type of people you believe doesn't deserve your compassion. Now try to emphasize with why those people may be like they are or may do the things they do. Think of all the possible factors that may have contributed - their past struggles, their physical or emotional health, their disadvantages. Write these things below to help you challenge the belief that this particular person or these people don't deserve compassion.
Feb 9 - When someone says or does something that hurts or offends you, instead of assuming the worst, consider that you misunderstood them and ask "What was your intention?"
Have you ever felt that someone judged your actions and misunderstood your intentions?
How would it have made a difference if that person gave you a chance to share this?
How might your relationships improve if you always sought clarification before jumping to conclusions - and if others followed your lead?
Feb 10 - Use Martha Beck's "reverse engineering" method of developing empathy today. Identify someone you'd like to understand better. Now think of a specific interaction when you had trouble understanding what they were feeling. Imitate their body language and facial expressions, and to the best of your ability repeat their words using the same tone they used. This will allow you to better understand them, as odds are you'll feel the same thing they felt.
Who in your life do you often struggle to understand and why?
How has your inability to understand them impacted your relationship?
How might your relationship improve if you really made a stronger effort to understand what they feel, and then acted on what you learned?
Feb 11 - Instead of beating yourself up for something you feel you could have done better, reward yourself for doing it at all.
Do you ore frequently commend yourself for your efforts or berate yourself for them? If you chose the latter, why do you think you do this?
How does it negatively affect you to focus on the ways you believe you're falling short?
How might your life improve if you rewarded yourself for your efforts and felt good about them - and yourself - as a result?
Feb 12 - Ask someone a creative question to better understand them.
What's the most thought-provoking question someone ever asked you about yourself?
Did you feel closer to this person after answering this? Did you feel they better understood you?
What do you think you convey to someone else when you ask questions to better understand their desires, fears, and regrets?
Feb 13 - If you discover someone who is hurting in some way, use physical touch to show your empathy and care.
Do you regularly use physical touch to show others that you care? If not, what has prevented you from being physical in the past?
Can you remember a time when a loving touch helped you feel less hurt and alone?
Why do you think this sign of empathy and care comforted you?
Feb 14 - Offer words of compassion to someone who frequently complains instead of avoiding them or judging them for being negative.
Have you ever felt like people were avoiding or judging you because you were unhappy with an aspect of your life and complaining a lot as a result?
If so, how would you have preferred other people respond to you?
What do you think makes the difference between enabling someone who tends to ruminate on the negative and showing them compassion?
Feb 15 - Write 'hurt people hurt people' on a band aid and stick it somewhere you'll see often, to remind yourself that the most difficult people are in the most pain.
Can you think of a time then you hurt other people because you were in pain? How might it have helped if other people understood this and cut you some slack?
Now think of a difficult person that you've encountered. Is it possible they were dealing with their own hurt?
How might it change your feelings and actions to consider this before approaching a 'difficult' person?