Does your family support your running? (Read 1715 times)

Hi Michelle, I have a similar problem, and got a few good advices from the colleagues: http://www.runningahead.com/forums/topic/cd3190cb2a9f435fb982b470e2680861 Slightly I'm getting, not really support, but at least some kind of understanding from my wife, that I'm in for the long run. However, whenever she hears some kind of comment about the risks of running, she supports those comments unconditionally, not much I can do about it I guess. Well, at least when I'm running I'm alone, so I can fully enjoy it

Thanks for the link. I can relate to how your wife reacts to hearing the risks of running. My husband recently got into a chat with some co-workers about running and they only had negative stories about friends who used to be runners but had to stop due to running related injuries. I heard ALL ABOUT THAT.

I invite him along for all of my runs, with friends or when I go alone. The other day I called to ask if I could run with him after work and he told me no. He said "I'm not feeding your addiction". So, I went home and made dinner while he went out and ran. Once dinner was on the table I headed out and got my run in and had to quit when it got too dark.

Wow. I could actually feel my blood pressure rising as I read that. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. I wish I had some good advice to give you, but I don't. It's really too bad your husband can't take some tips from you aunt. IMHO, he should be just as proud of you. And he should show it.

I invite him along for all of my runs, with friends or when I go alone. The other day I called to ask if I could run with him after work and he told me no. He said "I'm not feeding your addiction". So, I went home and made dinner while he went out and ran. Once dinner was on the table I headed out and got my run in and had to quit when it got too dark.

Commenting on other peoples' relationships is second only to commenting on their parenting in terms of getting yourself in trouble, so I'm treading very carefully here ... But somethin' ain't right there. That is wack. And yes, I said wack. I'm building street cred. The fact that the kool kids quit using 'wack' in 1996 should not diminish my cred. Honestly ... that is just .... wack. I keep trying to find some better word, but "wack" just fits the bill. As in, "off." Inexplicably wrong. I checked your log to make sure I wasn't missing something. Yes, you've been running consistently good mileage (GREAT job, by the way) - but you're still averaging not much more than an hour a day. On something that betters you in countless ways. An hour is nothing. The average American watches 20+ hours of TV a week. EVERYBODY could benefit from an hour a day of serious exercise. And if a mother of four children does it, well, that's an inspiration to everybody. Sorry, I just don't understand why he's not your biggest cheerleader at this point. Hell, my running is just about the only thing in my life that my better half DOES approve of - because she recognizes how beneficial it is to so many other aspects of my life. I don't think she'd let me quit if I wanted to at this point. (Not to mention the fact that a 3 hour long run means 3 hours of having the house to herself ...) I'm shutting up now before I get myself in trouble. But I really, really, really don't get it. Especially that part I just quoted. I agree with Dragon up there - that actually kind of pissed me off. I can't even think of a better way (well, mostly) for a couple to spend time together than running. I dream about having a full time running partner. Sigh. Didn't I say I was shutting up? Good luck to you. Slap your husband for me.

My wife complains that we don't run together often enough, although not in the winter. She doesn't run much in the winter normally or at all now with law school.

Commenting on other peoples' relationships is second only to commenting on their parenting in terms of getting yourself in trouble, so I'm treading very carefully here ...

Good point JK, so I too will tread carefully. But here's the thing. Mississippi, I've been noticing these kinds of posts from you ever since I started posting at RA. Sometimes, you've been very direct in voicing complaints, sometimes your simply mention off-handedly the way your hubby rolled his eyes about your running. But in any case, I've been seeing this sort of under-current for about the last year. Ask yourself whether this sort of insulting, demeaning treatment only takes place with regards to running, or whether it exists elsewhere in your relationship. I would guess that it's not just limited to running. I agree with everyone that there's something more going on. Could be jealousy, but I think it's more complex than that. Have you actually talked to him about the way he treats you? In a non-confrontational way, you should really express how much it hurts you the way he doesn't support your running, and how much it would mean to you if you had his love and support rather than his insults. You won't get anywhere being confrontational, but if you can have it be a discussion, rather than an argument, and calmly express your real feelings (i.e. it doesn't just "bug" you, it really hurts), then at least you can convey your side of the story. Because he certainly won't stop doing this if you just ignore it. Are you afraid to have that kind of open, vulnerable, discussion with him? Well, that points to another problem there. Hope this helps.

Just remember to try not to go into this thinking it's a battle. You won't like where that goes. Your husband no doubt loves you and doesn't want to hurt you. So you need to let him know (in a non-confrontational manner) that what he perceives as clever insults or zingers really do hurt you. You're not likely to all-the-sudden turn him into your running cheerleader, so at the very least, if you don't have his support, you should stop having the insults. It's obvious that running means a lot to you; you should let him know that his support and encouragement would mean a lot, and if he just can't do that, he should at the very least stop being hurtful about it. MTA: This is not about running. It's about how he is insulting you and hurting your feelings. The discussion really needs to be about how you feel, not how far or fast or how much or how often you run.

You're not likely to all-the-sudden turn him into your running cheerleader, so at the very least, if you don't have his support, you should stop having the insults. It's obvious that running means a lot to you; you should let him know that his support and encouragement would mean a lot, and if he just can't do that, he should at the very least stop being hurtful about it. MTA: This is not about running. It's about how he is insulting you and hurting your feelings. The discussion really needs to be about how you feel, not how far or fast or how much or how often you run.

He has gotten better, and it wasn't until recently that his negative comments started back up. For a while we were running together more often. With an upcoming 5k, one that he'll be running in too, he is cheering me on to out race my 16 y/o. This is the first time that he's ever rooted for me, but since it's against my son I'm not sure how to react!! He would be in for the competition too but since this will be my daughter's first 5k he said he wants to run it with her so I can race. He's always fine about my running 5k races. Maybe he just needs more time to accept the further distances.