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Suspect Zero
Upon leaving the enema clinic (on a date) "That really clears your head" "If that cleared your head, go back in there and tell them they did it wrong"
Amy
LA Story. Steve Martin: I was thinking of taking you on a cultural tour of L.A. Love Interest: Okay, so that's 10 minutes. Then what?
"Peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off - who'd you mom marry, Mr. Rogers?" "No, Mr. Johnson."
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" - Steven Wright
You know why the Yankees always win, Frank? 'Cause they have Mickey Mantle? No, it's 'cause the other teams can't stop staring at those damn pinstripes.
What are you doing Dave?
Call me Ray (not Ishmael)
rectumdamnnearkilledem
"You can love your pets. Just don't love your pets."
Getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to
remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.
~ Sarah Kay