Family Tragedy

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Fanatic #3965

posted: 11/8/2006 at 11:46 PM

We got the call tonite that we have been dreading for years. My FIL passed-away. Cancer (he was first diagnosed with bladder cancer about 12 years ago and has fought a variety of other cancers over the years...kidney, ureter, spine, but liver made things terminal) claims another person in his prime. We knew this would happen fairly soon, but it's shocking just how fast he faded. We just saw him 2 days ago. We're still hashing out our plans. Memorial service will be Mon. or Tues. and DS has parent/teacher conferences on Friday evening, so we may drive on Sat.--hubby would take the train tomorrow. It's an 8+ hour trip and we just returned 48 hours ago. Not to mention DS is 5.5 and overly exuberant and I'm not sure whether his presence would be stressful or comforting to my MIL. She has a lot on her plate in the next couple of days. DH and I are feeling pretty numb and overwhelmed right now.

Kirsten

'07: 1324.5 | '08: 1561 | '09: 1810.9 run ~ 208.7 bike | '10: 1,000.3 run ~ 3513.5 bike | '11: 710.3 run ~ 4157.9 bike '12: 659.9 run ~ 3365.6 bike (100% benched by ortho last 4.5 weeks while in long-arm cast)

'13 Goals:

• DON'T BREAK ANYTHING!!!

• get within 5#s of 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

• 1st olympic distance duathlon

• 1st Iceman Cometh mtn bike race

• Half Fanatic

• punch Type 1 in the junk

Wingz

posted: 11/9/2006 at 12:19 AM

{{{{{{Kirsten}}}}}}}. Cry

Roads were made for journeys...

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Fanatic #3965

posted: 11/9/2006 at 12:41 AM

Thanks, girl. Looks like hubby will leave tomorrow AM and DS will drive on Sat. I think before then I want to find a portable DVD player that I can bring for my silly kid. Poor guy deserves entertainment (recommendations, anyone? I want to find one that can strap to a rear headrest, if possible)--IL and IN are BORING states to drive through. k

Kirsten

'07: 1324.5 | '08: 1561 | '09: 1810.9 run ~ 208.7 bike | '10: 1,000.3 run ~ 3513.5 bike | '11: 710.3 run ~ 4157.9 bike '12: 659.9 run ~ 3365.6 bike (100% benched by ortho last 4.5 weeks while in long-arm cast)

'13 Goals:

• DON'T BREAK ANYTHING!!!

• get within 5#s of 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

• 1st olympic distance duathlon

• 1st Iceman Cometh mtn bike race

• Half Fanatic

• punch Type 1 in the junk

ABCGreys

My dogs are fast, not me

posted: 11/9/2006 at 6:20 AM

So sorry to hear about your FIL, Kirsten. As for portable DVD players, prices on them have really come down and you can get them just about anywhere - Wal-Mart, Best Buy, Circuit City, etc. Stay safe on your drive.

Robin

Ann-V

posted: 11/9/2006 at 6:50 AM

My thoughts are with you and your family Kirsten...

Running in Belgium
Ann

2012-goals: stay injury-free, build a stable aerobic base, transition to running barefoot run barefoot as long as temperatures allow it

Run more km than I did in 2010 (45) 2009 (95) 2007 (148) 2006 (222) 2008 (234) 2011 (best year yet: 318 km)

blog

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Fanatic #3965

posted: 11/9/2006 at 7:56 AM

Quote from ABCGreys on 11/9/2006 at 6:20 AM:

So sorry to hear about your FIL, Kirsten. As for portable DVD players, prices on them have really come down and you can get them just about anywhere - Wal-Mart, Best Buy, Circuit City, etc. Stay safe on your drive.

That's what I have been finding...some of them are downright cheap. I think I will just stick with a brand that I've actually heard of and see what will meet our needs best. Thanks, friends. Last night was hard...neither of us slept well. After school I will break the news to our son. I'm not really sure how he will take it. He knows grandpa was very sick and dying and we had a kitty pass this summer, so I think he has *some* concept of death, but I don't know if he will be able to translate death of beloved pet to death of grandparent. I'm not sure if he will understand that people dying is every bit as permanent. I have a feeling that next time my MIL is at their neaby vacation cottage that Dane will be confused and wonder where his grandpa is. That's going to be pretty awkward for a while, I'm certain. k

Kirsten

'07: 1324.5 | '08: 1561 | '09: 1810.9 run ~ 208.7 bike | '10: 1,000.3 run ~ 3513.5 bike | '11: 710.3 run ~ 4157.9 bike '12: 659.9 run ~ 3365.6 bike (100% benched by ortho last 4.5 weeks while in long-arm cast)

'13 Goals:

• DON'T BREAK ANYTHING!!!

• get within 5#s of 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

• 1st olympic distance duathlon

• 1st Iceman Cometh mtn bike race

• Half Fanatic

• punch Type 1 in the junk

mikeymike

posted: 11/9/2006 at 8:58 AM

Damn. I am sorry for your loss. It's good you got to see him one last time. Best wishes, Mike

Runners run.

Pron8r

posted: 11/9/2006 at 10:49 AM

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

My Masters (>50) Race PR's: 5K - 20:17 10K - 42:36 HM - 1:31:22 Marathon - 3:20:48

jlynnbob

You'll ruin your knees!

posted: 11/9/2006 at 11:05 AM

K, Sorry for the loss. You are in a unique position to provide support to DH's family. I have seen here that you are very caring person and that's just what they will need. Whenever possible, don't ask "is there anything I can do", just do it. If you think someone may be hungry, don't ask, just put food in front of them. Take lots of stamps and coordinate the effort to get "thank you" cards sent out timely (this is one that no immediate family wants to tackle, but is an awesome relief when a DIL steps up to take charge...get the cards, stamps, keep the list and start writing immediately). This is something that is so easily overlooked, but really helps with the healing process. OK, I'm sticking my nose in, but I've had too much experience with this and unfortunately, have developed some skills here. If necessary, help your MIL think through all the options for the funeral - WAY to many decisions for a grieving wife to deal with. It's a fine line, but be strong for them! Leo Buscaglia (I think) has a children's book titled Freddy The Leaf. It is a GREAT book for children to comprehend death and the life process. http://www.amazon.com/Fall-Freddie-Leaf-Story-Ages/dp/0805010645 Drive safely and hang in there! God bless, and virtual hugs, Lynn B

""...the truth that someday, you will go for your last run. But not today—today you got to run." - Matt Crownover (after Western States)

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Fanatic #3965

posted: 11/9/2006 at 11:18 AM

Lynn, that is some really great advice--thanks so much. I know my hubby will be very helpful for his mom until I am there, too. He's really awesome when it comes to helping out with housework and domestic chores that a lot of guys shun (though he refuses to touch the bathroom, heh...). My MIL is a major control freak (Eryn could tell you the stories of how she was difficult when DH and I were planning our wedding) and I know they had a lot of things already prepared, but he went much faster than anyone had predicted, so I imagine she is not entirely ready to tackle the memorial planning. I'd love to help more, but they live 8 hours away, so it's tough for me to do much from here, unfortunately. I will definitely look into that book. We have been wondering what sorts of death and grieving books might be good for Dane. There are a few others on Amazon that have been highly recommended and I was thinking I would order once we return. Thanks again. Smile

k

Kirsten

'07: 1324.5 | '08: 1561 | '09: 1810.9 run ~ 208.7 bike | '10: 1,000.3 run ~ 3513.5 bike | '11: 710.3 run ~ 4157.9 bike '12: 659.9 run ~ 3365.6 bike (100% benched by ortho last 4.5 weeks while in long-arm cast)

'13 Goals:

• DON'T BREAK ANYTHING!!!

• get within 5#s of 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

• 1st olympic distance duathlon

• 1st Iceman Cometh mtn bike race

• Half Fanatic

• punch Type 1 in the junk

rockenmamaof5

posted: 11/9/2006 at 3:26 PM

My condolences to you and your family Kirsten!

Your toughness is made up of equal parts persistence and experience. You don't so much outrun your opponents as outlast and outsmart them, and the toughest opponent of all is the one inside your head." - Joe Henderson

Mile Collector

Abs of Flabs

posted: 11/9/2006 at 9:42 PM

Kirsten, I'm sorry to hear about your FIL. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Beantown Runners | On the Bench

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Fanatic #3965

posted: 11/10/2006 at 6:41 AM

Thanks, everyone--you guys are all the best! Smile

Talked to DH last night...apparently his mom gave orders to a friend who happens to be THE town socialite. She told her to plan a big memorial/celebration of life and spare no expense. My FIL was a History prof. at Western IL U for pretty much all of his career and they have a lot of friends in that area and from all over. Hubby said Monday should be a pretty crazy day. They are planning everything to be pretty upbeat, which will be nice. k

Kirsten

'07: 1324.5 | '08: 1561 | '09: 1810.9 run ~ 208.7 bike | '10: 1,000.3 run ~ 3513.5 bike | '11: 710.3 run ~ 4157.9 bike '12: 659.9 run ~ 3365.6 bike (100% benched by ortho last 4.5 weeks while in long-arm cast)

'13 Goals:

• DON'T BREAK ANYTHING!!!

• get within 5#s of 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

• 1st olympic distance duathlon

• 1st Iceman Cometh mtn bike race

• Half Fanatic

• punch Type 1 in the junk

JakeKnight

posted: 11/10/2006 at 2:48 PM

I'm sorry, k. God bless.

E-mail: JakeKnight2002@aol.com
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hammerbeck

Sluggard

posted: 11/12/2006 at 12:10 PM

I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't really ever know what to say at times like these so I will stop typing now. I'm thinking of you and your husband, though.

Bringin' up the rear,
Ed and his mighty blog
1000 Mile Club | 1000 Km Club

Family Tragedy (Read 649 times)

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