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Family Tragedy (Read 649 times)


Needs more cowbell!

    We got the call tonite that we have been dreading for years. My FIL passed-away. Cancer (he was first diagnosed with bladder cancer about 12 years ago and has fought a variety of other cancers over the years...kidney, ureter, spine, but liver made things terminal) claims another person in his prime. We knew this would happen fairly soon, but it's shocking just how fast he faded. We just saw him 2 days ago. We're still hashing out our plans. Memorial service will be Mon. or Tues. and DS has parent/teacher conferences on Friday evening, so we may drive on Sat.--hubby would take the train tomorrow. It's an 8+ hour trip and we just returned 48 hours ago. Not to mention DS is 5.5 and overly exuberant and I'm not sure whether his presence would be stressful or comforting to my MIL. She has a lot on her plate in the next couple of days. DH and I are feeling pretty numb and overwhelmed right now.

    I shoot pretty things! ~

    '14 Goals:

    • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

    • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

      {{{{{{Kirsten}}}}}}}. Cry

      Roads were made for journeys...


      Needs more cowbell!

        Thanks, girl. Looks like hubby will leave tomorrow AM and DS will drive on Sat. I think before then I want to find a portable DVD player that I can bring for my silly kid. Poor guy deserves entertainment (recommendations, anyone? I want to find one that can strap to a rear headrest, if possible)--IL and IN are BORING states to drive through. k

        I shoot pretty things! ~

        '14 Goals:

        • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

        • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)


        My dogs are fast, not me

          So sorry to hear about your FIL, Kirsten. As for portable DVD players, prices on them have really come down and you can get them just about anywhere - Wal-Mart, Best Buy, Circuit City, etc. Stay safe on your drive.
          Robin
            My thoughts are with you and your family Kirsten...

            Running in Belgium
            Ann

             

             

             


            Needs more cowbell!

              So sorry to hear about your FIL, Kirsten. As for portable DVD players, prices on them have really come down and you can get them just about anywhere - Wal-Mart, Best Buy, Circuit City, etc. Stay safe on your drive.
              That's what I have been finding...some of them are downright cheap. I think I will just stick with a brand that I've actually heard of and see what will meet our needs best. Thanks, friends. Last night was hard...neither of us slept well. After school I will break the news to our son. I'm not really sure how he will take it. He knows grandpa was very sick and dying and we had a kitty pass this summer, so I think he has *some* concept of death, but I don't know if he will be able to translate death of beloved pet to death of grandparent. I'm not sure if he will understand that people dying is every bit as permanent. I have a feeling that next time my MIL is at their neaby vacation cottage that Dane will be confused and wonder where his grandpa is. That's going to be pretty awkward for a while, I'm certain. k

              I shoot pretty things! ~

              '14 Goals:

              • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

              • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

                Damn. I am sorry for your loss. It's good you got to see him one last time. Best wishes, Mike

                Runners run.

                  My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
                  My Masters (>50) Race PR's: 5K - 20:17 10K - 42:36 HM - 1:31:22 Marathon - 3:20:48


                  You'll ruin your knees!

                    K, Sorry for the loss. You are in a unique position to provide support to DH's family. I have seen here that you are very caring person and that's just what they will need. Whenever possible, don't ask "is there anything I can do", just do it. If you think someone may be hungry, don't ask, just put food in front of them. Take lots of stamps and coordinate the effort to get "thank you" cards sent out timely (this is one that no immediate family wants to tackle, but is an awesome relief when a DIL steps up to take charge...get the cards, stamps, keep the list and start writing immediately). This is something that is so easily overlooked, but really helps with the healing process. OK, I'm sticking my nose in, but I've had too much experience with this and unfortunately, have developed some skills here. If necessary, help your MIL think through all the options for the funeral - WAY to many decisions for a grieving wife to deal with. It's a fine line, but be strong for them! Leo Buscaglia (I think) has a children's book titled Freddy The Leaf. It is a GREAT book for children to comprehend death and the life process. http://www.amazon.com/Fall-Freddie-Leaf-Story-Ages/dp/0805010645 Drive safely and hang in there! God bless, and virtual hugs, Lynn B

                    ""...the truth that someday, you will go for your last run. But not today—today you got to run." - Matt Crownover (after Western States)


                    Needs more cowbell!

                      Lynn, that is some really great advice--thanks so much. I know my hubby will be very helpful for his mom until I am there, too. He's really awesome when it comes to helping out with housework and domestic chores that a lot of guys shun (though he refuses to touch the bathroom, heh...). My MIL is a major control freak (Eryn could tell you the stories of how she was difficult when DH and I were planning our wedding) and I know they had a lot of things already prepared, but he went much faster than anyone had predicted, so I imagine she is not entirely ready to tackle the memorial planning. I'd love to help more, but they live 8 hours away, so it's tough for me to do much from here, unfortunately. I will definitely look into that book. We have been wondering what sorts of death and grieving books might be good for Dane. There are a few others on Amazon that have been highly recommended and I was thinking I would order once we return. Thanks again. Smile k

                      I shoot pretty things! ~

                      '14 Goals:

                      • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

                      • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

                        My condolences to you and your family Kirsten!

                        Your toughness is made up of equal parts persistence and experience. You don't so much outrun your opponents as outlast and outsmart them, and the toughest opponent of all is the one inside your head." - Joe Henderson

                        Mile Collector


                        Abs of Flabs

                          Kirsten, I'm sorry to hear about your FIL. My heart goes out to you and your family.


                          Needs more cowbell!

                            Thanks, everyone--you guys are all the best! Smile Talked to DH last night...apparently his mom gave orders to a friend who happens to be THE town socialite. She told her to plan a big memorial/celebration of life and spare no expense. My FIL was a History prof. at Western IL U for pretty much all of his career and they have a lot of friends in that area and from all over. Hubby said Monday should be a pretty crazy day. They are planning everything to be pretty upbeat, which will be nice. k

                            I shoot pretty things! ~

                            '14 Goals:

                            • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

                            • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

                              I'm sorry, k. God bless.
                              E-mail: JakeKnight2002@aol.com
                              -----------------------------


                              Sluggard

                                I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't really ever know what to say at times like these so I will stop typing now. I'm thinking of you and your husband, though.
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