123

Something's rotten in Denmark... (Read 854 times)


madness baby

    Eryn and Abby have some seriously great advice. I'd second that and remind you, Claire, to be a good communicator above all. Let her know your disappointment but that you accept her mistakes. Don't come down too hard, which will likely push her away. Give her something to work for, set limits, and give her feedback. Be her friend, but not too friendly. Try to understand her perspective. It's all in the approach. You can set limits and be understanding of her perspective at the same time. You got it, you can handle it. Smile
    deb


    A Dance with Monkeys

      And boys are not trouble???
      Boys don't get pregnant. Boys can walk away from the trouble. Boys don't have to accept the responsibility for their actions. But I am a mohel. Any boy messes with my girls, I can circumcise him. Again, if need be.


      Needs more cowbell!

        Boys don't get pregnant. Boys can walk away from the trouble. Boys don't have to accept the responsibility for their actions.
        That little fact really angers me. My son will understand in no uncertain terms that he fathers a child he will BE a father to MY grandchild. Parents who don't do this should be ashamed. I think there would be far fewer teenage pregnancies if parents of boys were as concerned about becoming grandparents prematurely as parents of daughters are. k

        I shoot pretty things! ~

        '14 Goals:

        • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

        • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

          Abby, you're gonna make a great doctor!
          You mean one day I get to be a doctor and not just play one on TV RA? Seriously, though, the fun part of this year is I get to spend time with lots of different docs in lots of different fields. I didnt know about some of the resources that are available (and I am sure there are tons more!) to folks, including their friendly doctor (nurse practicioner, whoever). I am always amazed at seeing pediatricians work with families - I have been in rooms where a parent and a child are arguing about everything (alcohol, for example) and you could cut the tension with a knife. And then when the parent(s) leave, it is amazing how much the teen will tell his or her doctor, listen to advice, ask questions, etc. They may even remember the discussion the next day. I dont think most parents see that because, uhm, we sent them out. Obviously, parents and doctors (and ultimately teens) want the same thing - for them to be safe and healthy and informed and making good decisions. Docs and nurses can be great teammates. Trent - yeah, busyness is common in your house. (Are your kids and wife as busy as you?) As is a lot of affection and loving your kids business. I have also seen you redirect your kids, though I see a lot more positive parenting, like the Friday night service where you and your wife each cuddled a kid on your lap the whole time. I would never go anywhere close to your girls if I was a guy! Scrubbing toilets? Now I believe in shared responsibility, and I clean my bathroom (and more often wish it would magically clean itself!), but I dont think I have ever scrubbed or been asked to scrub a toilet!


          A Dance with Monkeys

            Parents who don't do this should be ashamed.
            Yep. That is, if the parents ever find out. Heck, I would just castrate the kid.


            Needs more cowbell!

              Yep. That is, if the parents ever find out. Heck, I would just castrate the kid.
              I think *I* would castrate my son before any girl's folks would have a shot at him! Wink k

              I shoot pretty things! ~

              '14 Goals:

              • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

              • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

                Heck, I would just castrate the kid.
                Note to self: if I ever have a son in Nashville, take him to Memphis for his circ, lest Trent thinks he is after his girls before he can even roll over by himself.
                  I think there would be far fewer teenage pregnancies if parents of boys were as concerned about becoming grandparents prematurely as parents of daughters are. k
                  Father of 3 boys here, 18, 18 & 13. My wife and I are just as concerned about the boys ruining their lives as any parent of girls. I've tried my best to not be that "A' typical parent of a son most think is pushing their son to "go getcha some". Quite the contrary. Matter of fact, neither of the twins have lost their virginity yet. I do feel a little embarassed for them, but they're holding out for all the right reasons. Lastly, I firmly believe, a boy usually always wants it, but he will never get it unless the girl lets him. Y? 'cause she alone holds the keys!

                  Ricky

                  —our ability to perform up to our physiological potential in a race is determined by whether or not we truly psychologically believe that what we are attempting is realistic. Anton Krupicka

                    Trent, it sounds like I'm not the only Nazi parent in RA-land?! Wink Seriously, my friends/family think I'm very strict, but then I look at other people's kids & think, "hey, at least mine don't act like that!" My kids aren't very old (7, 8, 8.5), but they even have responsibilities in our house. They each have a daily chore or two to complete (never takes more than 10 minutes combined on a school day) and they have to help clean the house on the weekends. And yes, Abby, mine scrub toilets...and floors, and dishes, and whatever else needs to be done. They don't necessarily like it, but they do it. Claire, something we do in our house for ill behavior (though your daughter's recent exploit may go a bit beyond for this mild of a punishment) is the "naughty jar". In fairness to our children, the naughty jar also applies to the adults, except it is the swear jar for us. There isn't any money involved, as my 8.5yr old has a bigger bank roll than me & can buy his way out of most infractions, but it involves "tickets". Whenever you break a rule, you have to draw a ticket. Some rules (for example lying) will earn you more than one ticket. If you complain or talk back about drawing a ticket, you draw another. If you don't like the ticket you drew & you complain, that is yet another ticket. Each ticket has a task on it that must be completed, for example, sweep & scrub the kitchen floor, scrub the showers, scrub the toilets (I save this for Abby!) Big grin , clean the litter box, etc. No task takes more than a few minutes to complete & we break the sweeping/scrubbing down by room since we have zero carpet in the house. But they learn quickly that breaking rules, talking back, etc is a bad plan if you want to have time to do anything but clean. These tickets are in addition to your normal daily chores. Homework always comes first, of course, but then on to the cleaning, skip the fun! My son's nasty temper has been kept completely in check since the inception of the naughty jar & I have only used the F-bomb once (ok, at least when the kids were present anyways!). It teaches them responsibility and that there is a consequence for their behavior. And...it works good on kids of all ages...my husband & I have been seen scrubbing floors a few times! Claire, another thing I thought of: what are Jeff's parents like? Are they normal & responsible enough that you could sit down & talk with them about the recent incident? Would they talk to him and/or punish him for his part in this? Is he a semi-reasonable child to talk to that YOU could talk to him? Or, are the parents a good part of his behavior problems? If they aren't & aren't entirely aware of some of his negative behavior, I'd say go talk to them. Pretty good chance that both kids are going to be pissed & embarrassed, but if it keeps you from babysitting in a year or two, let them be pissed!
                    So do not get tired and stop trying. - Hebrews 12:3
                      Predator, I firmly believe that a girl always wants it. Or at least her hormones want it. And she wont get it unless they both participate. If the guy doesnt agree, she isnt getting any either. And why are you embarassed for them? There is no reason for your or them to be! They are making great decisions and should be proud to share them with their friends, who will probably respect them more for it.
                        Erin, I just dont understand why toilets need scrubbing? I clean mine when I do the rest of the bathroom, but I can tell you mine hasnt been scrubbed since I moved in. Maybe having more than one person makes it that much dirtier? Or its just in the definition of cleaning verses scrubbing? Another plus of "shared responsibility" is your kids will grow up to become adults who know how to clean\grocery shop\make dinner. I have a 30-year old neighbor, class-mate, and friend who I swear has no idea how to sweep or vacuum. No, I am not kidding. This guy's mother visits from Cali every 2-3 months and she spends at least a full day cleaning his place. Once she actually asked me why he never cleans. Well, hmmm, I wonder. Anything to do with her doing a great job training him not to? And I can think of other men and women who seem equally clueless. For some I think it is just apathy and priorities (I would rather have crumbs on my floor than sweep it), but others just seem to look at a broom and get really overwhelmed. When I once mentioned I prefer to wash my car myself than take it to an auto-carwash where they dont really get most of the gunk off anyway, someone asked me how I do it. Rocket science I guess.
                        OverAnalyzer


                          Oh Claire! That girl needs a good....a good....ah, a good arse kicking most likely. Sadly, you are definitely walking a fine line. Did you ever show her your black blog or otherwise share a bit of your past w/her? I don't know if it would help or not, but cripe, I know you must be at your wits end with this guy..... Angry On a side note, as a new mother of a son, I have to say I am JUST as worried if not more so about the crap that can come up. In fact, I had a friend who had a little brother accused of date r@pe on prom night a couple years ago. It was a TOTALLY false accusation that the girl recanted months later, but totally trashed his reputation in the interim. Scary. I say teens in general scare me asa new parent!


                          Needs more cowbell!

                            I just dont understand why toilets need scrubbing? I clean mine when I do the rest of the bathroom, but I can tell you mine hasnt been scrubbed since I moved in. Maybe having more than one person makes it that much dirtier? Or its just in the definition of cleaning verses scrubbing?
                            I think it's the water, partly. Eryn has well water, as do we. Amazing the way stuff builds-up in some toilets. We never had to scrub much with the brush when we were on public water, but we have so much calcium and lime in our water that it just gets really bad. Speaking of the guys who don't clean...ugh, my brother never cleans and married a woman who was no better. They are now divorced but he is always trying to get me to drive 4+ hours to visit him and help him clean...umm, no. He told me he doesn't see the point in vaccuming as long as his ex's cat is still in the house. I don't think he cleans the litterbox, either. And I saw their master bath ones about a year after they built their house--I honestly don't think they had ever cleaned it. Gross. And he wears his shoes in the house.... He hopes to sell his house, soon, but I think he is going to take a major hit. The place is so poorly constructed (one of those massive subdivisions with McMansions built in a month) and they haven't maintained it at all. k

                            I shoot pretty things! ~

                            '14 Goals:

                            • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

                            • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)


                            Now that was a bath...

                              Eryn - we have talked about speaking to his parents. John thinks that we definitely should. We don't know them at this point and we would have to sneak a contact number off Alice's phone but at least then all parties would know where they stand. Most of the Samoan families here have a strict religious upbringing and they really come down hard on kids that step out of line. I think that this will probably help. At the moment she is grounded 'until we see improvement all round'. Unfortunately although Alice claims to understand this she came home from school two hours late yesterday and left an hour early today. Because of this we have changed the internet password and the video club password and next week I will start taking her to and from school (I just passed my driving test yesterday). We told her that she had to start helping around the house but it's been a few days and she hasn't lifted a finger. The grounding will stay until she changes and I can see this getting worse before it gets better. Hey, I have a boy too. you know my biggest fear. That he will get a girl pregnant and I will not get to see my grandchild. Of course we all like to think that our son's are responsible but things do happen! I have to say that on the whole I probably would have felt worse about this whole situation if it were Jake that I had caught doing the same thing at 16. I would feel responsible for the girl's wellfare and concerned that Jake was treating her right. Lisa - Just at the point I was going to share my black blog with her, I started writing on the latest entry which is about me at the same age as Alice. I was concerned that I am not exactly a good example. It should be finished later this week and I will get you to read it to tell me what you think. I am back writing again since my injury and I am really enjoying it. So many people to respond to and so little time so I just want to say thankyou to everyone as there has been some really great advice. I have three daughter's - yikes! Claire xxx
                            • jlynnbob "HTFU, Kookie's distal tibia"
                            • Where's my closet? I need to get back in it.


                              Needs more cowbell!

                                (I just passed my driving test yesterday)
                                Hey, that's awesome! Driving is fun! I'm glad you have your license and the great physio care--sure helps make this week a little brighter, doesn't it? Smile k

                                I shoot pretty things! ~

                                '14 Goals:

                                • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

                                • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

                                123