Something's rotten in Denmark... (Read 854 times)

Eryn and Abby have some seriously great advice. I'd second that and remind you, Claire, to be a good communicator above all. Let her know your disappointment but that you accept her mistakes. Don't come down too hard, which will likely push her away. Give her something to work for, set limits, and give her feedback. Be her friend, but not too friendly. Try to understand her perspective. It's all in the approach. You can set limits and be understanding of her perspective at the same time. You got it, you can handle it.

Boys don't get pregnant. Boys can walk away from the trouble. Boys don't have to accept the responsibility for their actions.

That little fact really angers me. My son will understand in no uncertain terms that he fathers a child he will BE a father to MY grandchild. Parents who don't do this should be ashamed. I think there would be far fewer teenage pregnancies if parents of boys were as concerned about becoming grandparents prematurely as parents of daughters are. k

Parents who don't do this should be ashamed.

Yep. That is, if the parents ever find out. Heck, I would just castrate the kid.

Heck, I would just castrate the kid.

Note to self: if I ever have a son in Nashville, take him to Memphis for his circ, lest Trent thinks he is after his girls before he can even roll over by himself.

Trent, it sounds like I'm not the only Nazi parent in RA-land?! Seriously, my friends/family think I'm very strict, but then I look at other people's kids & think, "hey, at least mine don't act like that!" My kids aren't very old (7, 8, 8.5), but they even have responsibilities in our house. They each have a daily chore or two to complete (never takes more than 10 minutes combined on a school day) and they have to help clean the house on the weekends. And yes, Abby, mine scrub toilets...and floors, and dishes, and whatever else needs to be done. They don't necessarily like it, but they do it. Claire, something we do in our house for ill behavior (though your daughter's recent exploit may go a bit beyond for this mild of a punishment) is the "naughty jar". In fairness to our children, the naughty jar also applies to the adults, except it is the swear jar for us. There isn't any money involved, as my 8.5yr old has a bigger bank roll than me & can buy his way out of most infractions, but it involves "tickets". Whenever you break a rule, you have to draw a ticket. Some rules (for example lying) will earn you more than one ticket. If you complain or talk back about drawing a ticket, you draw another. If you don't like the ticket you drew & you complain, that is yet another ticket. Each ticket has a task on it that must be completed, for example, sweep & scrub the kitchen floor, scrub the showers, scrub the toilets (I save this for Abby!) , clean the litter box, etc. No task takes more than a few minutes to complete & we break the sweeping/scrubbing down by room since we have zero carpet in the house. But they learn quickly that breaking rules, talking back, etc is a bad plan if you want to have time to do anything but clean. These tickets are in addition to your normal daily chores. Homework always comes first, of course, but then on to the cleaning, skip the fun! My son's nasty temper has been kept completely in check since the inception of the naughty jar & I have only used the F-bomb once (ok, at least when the kids were present anyways!). It teaches them responsibility and that there is a consequence for their behavior. And...it works good on kids of all ages...my husband & I have been seen scrubbing floors a few times! Claire, another thing I thought of: what are Jeff's parents like? Are they normal & responsible enough that you could sit down & talk with them about the recent incident? Would they talk to him and/or punish him for his part in this? Is he a semi-reasonable child to talk to that YOU could talk to him? Or, are the parents a good part of his behavior problems? If they aren't & aren't entirely aware of some of his negative behavior, I'd say go talk to them. Pretty good chance that both kids are going to be pissed & embarrassed, but if it keeps you from babysitting in a year or two, let them be pissed!

Erin, I just dont understand why toilets need scrubbing? I clean mine when I do the rest of the bathroom, but I can tell you mine hasnt been scrubbed since I moved in. Maybe having more than one person makes it that much dirtier? Or its just in the definition of cleaning verses scrubbing? Another plus of "shared responsibility" is your kids will grow up to become adults who know how to clean\grocery shop\make dinner. I have a 30-year old neighbor, class-mate, and friend who I swear has no idea how to sweep or vacuum. No, I am not kidding. This guy's mother visits from Cali every 2-3 months and she spends at least a full day cleaning his place. Once she actually asked me why he never cleans. Well, hmmm, I wonder. Anything to do with her doing a great job training him not to? And I can think of other men and women who seem equally clueless. For some I think it is just apathy and priorities (I would rather have crumbs on my floor than sweep it), but others just seem to look at a broom and get really overwhelmed. When I once mentioned I prefer to wash my car myself than take it to an auto-carwash where they dont really get most of the gunk off anyway, someone asked me how I do it. Rocket science I guess.

I just dont understand why toilets need scrubbing? I clean mine when I do the rest of the bathroom, but I can tell you mine hasnt been scrubbed since I moved in. Maybe having more than one person makes it that much dirtier? Or its just in the definition of cleaning verses scrubbing?

I think it's the water, partly. Eryn has well water, as do we. Amazing the way stuff builds-up in some toilets. We never had to scrub much with the brush when we were on public water, but we have so much calcium and lime in our water that it just gets really bad. Speaking of the guys who don't clean...ugh, my brother never cleans and married a woman who was no better. They are now divorced but he is always trying to get me to drive 4+ hours to visit him and help him clean...umm, no. He told me he doesn't see the point in vaccuming as long as his ex's cat is still in the house. I don't think he cleans the litterbox, either. And I saw their master bath ones about a year after they built their house--I honestly don't think they had ever cleaned it. Gross. And he wears his shoes in the house.... He hopes to sell his house, soon, but I think he is going to take a major hit. The place is so poorly constructed (one of those massive subdivisions with McMansions built in a month) and they haven't maintained it at all. k

(I just passed my driving test yesterday)

Hey, that's awesome! Driving is fun! I'm glad you have your license and the great physio care--sure helps make this week a little brighter, doesn't it? k